20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

And One Day She Stopped

I have a boyfriend.

This may be nothing amazing in developments for Mankind, but for anyone who knows me, it is nothing short of incredible.
Or maybe it’s not.
Maybe it’s just mind-blowing to me.

You see, I haven’t had a boyfriend in a very long time. Instead, I mostly dated a string of assholes or, now that I’m older and have more objectivity I can say, “gentlemen who were not interested in me enough to date me and/or not at a place in their life where they were able to satisfy my dating needs or any other person’s dating needs”.

I dated the sort of guys that kind of said they “didn’t want to date anyone right now” but that didn’t stop them for getting all up in your grill like they were super interested in you, then disappearing, confusing the living shit out of you even though you should have been wise enough to decipher that “they don’t want to date anyone right now” really meant “THEY DON’T WANT TO DATE ANYONE RIGHT NOW” and that’s why they disappeared, duh.

I was twenty-something and they were twenty-something and I’ve learned to chalk it up as two twenty-somethings being twenty-something. However, a part of me thinks it all seemed obvious, but for some reason I was completely dim-witted about the sort of guys I went after time and time again. After seeing my younger girl friends going through the same issue (and some a few older), I’m happy to understand that it wasn’t just me. That I wasn’t the sole relatively smart girl that was making dumbass mistakes in dating. I even wrote an article about this recently titled ‘Girls Are Crazy Until They Reach the Age of 26‘ where I discuss how the modern young lad can act kind of desperate when it comes to dating. Why do smart, pretty, and interesting girls date losers that treat them like poo?

Gosh, thinking back on it now, I seriously want to slap the living shit out of my younger self. It seemed like the more uninterested you were in me, the more interested I was in you. There was the guy who “wanted to date other people” while dating me. There was the guy who told me not to tell his parents that I didn’t graduate college and worked in Hollywood. There was the guy who said he wanted to date me, then freaked out when he thought it meant giving up his cocaine-lifestyle I didn’t even know about. My Mom would say this behavior was because I had “daddy issues” since my father left home when I was young girl. I’m going to stick with this answer so I don’t have to actually be held accountable for my own blockhead behavior.

But something interesting happens as you get older, one day you just stop acting that way. It’s subconscious flip of the switch you didn’t even know happened until you find yourself dating the most amazing person on the planet. The sort of person you never thought you’d meet. You figured you were doomed to this terrible repetitious behavior of picking out turds for the rest of your life. That you were left to writing blog posts wondering what love must feel like instead of writing blog posts gushing over your boyfriend (sorry for the saccharine, guys).

And so this is the sort of guy I finally met: Last night I crashed hard on the couch in my boyfriend’s home office, like I often do during the week. Typically it’s difficult to move me, I’ve been told. My boyfriend will try to coax me off the couch to come to bed, I’ll mumble something incoherent, then roll over. My boyfriend also knows that I often wake up later in the middle of the night with minor panic attacks. He’s been very patient and understanding of this. So, last night my boyfriend laid down on the god damn bare floor next to the couch so I wouldn’t be frightened when I finally decided to wake up.

Now you know why I’m pretty mind blown.

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  • Reply diy danna July 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    I'm glad you stopped choosing men who weren't good enough for you. Some girls are crazy and do this until they are in their 30s… and 40s… Simone de Beauvoir is right: "One is not born a woman, one becomes one." I had to experience sporadic dating droughts and a short series of dating "assholes" and "turds" (and sadly hooking up with a couple of them) until one day I "stopped" the undermining behavior. Then I found someone I love waking up next to, a man I enjoy spending time with – even doing some of the most mundane things. He's older, and we're more than a decade apart in age, but I don't blame daddy issues. (I dated someone even older than my boyfriend a few years ago, and he was one of the "asshholes".) Wisdom comes and different ages, and I'm happy for you, that you are in a healthy relationship and becoming wiser beyond your years.

  • Reply Hipstercrite July 22, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    @Danna- Thank you so much. I do know some girls who are in their 30's that act like I did when I was 21 and think, "You're so much better!! What the f are you doing?!" Haha.

  • Reply kwertz12 July 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    I've looked back on my younger self and had the same thoughts. Why are girls like that? Oh well, it's just good to know that when you get older, it all pretty much irons itself out.

  • Reply ClevelandPoet July 22, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    as cheesy/cliche as it is almost all have to grow and learn from all of our blundering stubborn actions.

    some just don't allow the lessons to sink in and are doomed. It is an awesome feeling to find yourself and to find that someone.

  • Reply Jenn - There's Your Karma July 22, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    "… but that didn't stop them for getting all up in your grill like they were super interested in you, then disappearing, confusing the living shit out of you even though you should have been wise enough to decipher…" <– THIS. ME. UGH. I hope I'm over the phase of letting these dudes into my life.

    Also, on the flip side of the Daddy Issues coin, I have a very present, amazing father, but GUESS WHAT (and this is kind of a #humblebrag, but BEAR WITH ME): IT STILL GIVES YOU RIDICULOUS NEUROSES. Because my dad is awesome, and now no man can live up to my Pop's impossible standards, and GUYS JUST LOVE BEING COMPARED TO SOMEONE'S DAD.

  • Reply Brooke Farmer July 22, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Are you sure your dating history is symptomatic of age? To me it just sounds like dating in L.A..

    But then, it's kind of the same thing since 90% of the people in L.A. are trying so desperately to never age beyond 25 years old, physically or mentally.

  • Reply Tim July 22, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    I think this is also just how dating works. It's all horrible and people are all wrong and then suddenly it's not.

  • Reply Vanessa July 22, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    I heard once that our left and right hemispheres of the brain are not (physiologically) entirely connected until we reach our mid-twenties. This happens around the same time for both males and females. The communication between both hemishperes doesn't happen as smoothly until this connection is made-and this is what aids us in logic. In short, your theory isn't entirely crazy…we just don't have the capacity to function fully until our neurons get their junk together and connect!!!

  • Reply Big Mark 243 July 22, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Shoot, I am just happy for you! Congratulations on your shared happiness and it means I get to move a couple more spots up in line!!

  • Reply That Chelsea Girl™ July 22, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    Lauren, he sounds like an amazing guy! I'm happy for you both.

  • Reply Gracie July 22, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    Amazing, Lauren. You deserve nothing less. Congrats!!

  • Reply Vanessa July 22, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    Congrats on finding a good partner in life! It can be hard, but so worth it when it works out. Love that pic btw.

  • Reply Adria July 23, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Oh man, a year and a half in I still have these moments of "I have a boyfriend?!?!?!?!"

    So yeah, I get you.

  • Reply A Kitchen Witch July 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Since Austin continually ranks high in the best cities for dating, it is no wonder that dating is difficult. Having lived in Austin in my twenties proved that the hard way…took a long time for me to realize the ranking was for "dating" not relationships.

  • Reply Fleur De Moi July 23, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    I could construct a wonderfully written comment and say congrats on moving past your early crazy 20s but instead I thought I'd keep it "super" class and just say, "Holy fuck, I think we're twins in a spirit animal kind of way".

  • Reply suzy July 23, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    "You figured you were doomed to this terrible repetitious behavior of picking out turds for the rest of your life."


    and then…


    no more turd picking for me.

    it's like graduating high school, or going outside after being sick in bed for a month.

  • Reply Anonymous July 23, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    It's easy to look back and go "WTF was I thinking?" when you finally are in a good relationship, but I think young people really have this odd notion that suffering equals drama, and drama means it's love, which leads them to do some very weird things when it comes to romance. Is it Hollywood? Is it low self esteem? It is just "crazy until you're 27"? Who knows. But when you find good people, sometimes it can just be amazing, and you will wonder why you never expected to be treated so well before.

  • Reply MG July 25, 2011 at 12:50 am

    I totally agree. It's that whole "hard to get" bullshit that actually works and then makes you feel like a total asshole when the guy leaves you standing the the lobby of a movie theater. You look so happy! And what a good guy to lay on the bare floor! He's totally a keeper.

  • Reply KeLLy aNN July 25, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    yep, that's the stuff that makes it!

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