I bare a secret that is often too embarrassing to share.
It is something that I’m not proud of, but it’s a part of who I am, dammit. It is one of my physical imperfections that, over the years, I mostly forget about until that awkward moment arises during intimacy with a boyfriend or yoga with a friend.
“Excuse me, do you have a toe ring?”
I nervously snort, “Oh, that ol’ thing! Heck, I forgot it was even there!” I throw a dismissive gesture with my hand, but deep down I’m sweating like a pig on an elliptical.
They saw it. The saw my secret.
The truth of the matter is, yes, I do often forget that it’s been on my right toe since 1997, when I was fourteen years old and toe rings, in addition to nose rings and eyebrow rings, seemed like a wise fashion choice for the pubescent teenager. Since I had nightmares of infections and permanent scarring from nose and eyebrow jewelry, a toe ring was the edgiest I would go. And much like an ass tattoo, my toe ring was not for everyone’s
Still need a costume idea?
Well, I gotta list for you.
Check it: all Austin-themed costumes.
I’ve got costumes for people of all races, ages and genders. Some costumes poke fun, while others are meant to honor Austin’s greatest heroes.
Top: Just Keep Livin’ shirt featuring words of wisdom by McConaughey (these babies can be found at Dillards)
Shoes: Flip flops
Accessories: Bongos, sunglasses
Notes: Clothing optional
Top: A Renaissance or “Purple Rain” shirt from the Halloween store
Bottom: Printed pants- the more garish, the better
Shoes: Pointed cowboy boots
Accessories: Buck teeth, necklace of your initials, a rose, smarm
Jeremiah the Innocent (a.k.a. the Hi, How Are You? Frog)
Top: White t-shirt with “Hi, How Are You?” written in scraggily writing
Bottom: White pants
Shoes: Paper mache frog hands and feet
Accessories: Headband affixed with pipe cleaners
I grew up with a single mother.
Across the street from us, my grandmother.
These two women helped shape who I am.
They are not perfect women, but no woman is perfect.
As they age, their imperfections amplify.
And they are aging.
I can’t stop that.
I hear it in their voices.
I see it on their faces.
The two women, the two imperfect women who made sure that I led a life different from their own, are not ageless.
They’re imperfect and they’re aging.
These were two traits unfamiliar to me as a child.
Neither woman could own either characteristic.
Both women were my world.
And they continue to be, though the dynamic has changed.
It changed sometime when I was not looking.
These two imperfect women are not indestructible.
And I can’t stop that.
If I could, I’d take all their emotional or physical ache, their moments of loneliness, their times of frustration, their seconds of confusion and seal it in a box, sending it out to sea.
Have you heard of StitchFix?
It’s an ingenious start-up that lets fashionistas utilize the help of “personal stylists” while shopping for clothing online. After you sign up and fill out your size and personal style details, stylists will help you select five items of clothing. This clothing, which averages around $65 a piece, is mailed to your house. Whatever clothing you don’t like, you can send back. I loved the idea and signed up for an account early on, but I did not want to utilize the service until I was able to fully understand what clothing they offered. I was curious if the company offered fair trade or American-made clothing.
A few friends shared on social media that they had tried StitchFix, and when I asked if they knew if the company offered fair trade clothing, they said they weren’t sure. I also could not readily locate this information on their website. In fact, you don’t know what kind of clothing they offer until you go through the clothing selection
I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt like a goddamn weirdo for most of my life.
Even though I’ve grown up to be a relatively normal adult who wears normal clothing and has a normal job, I know that the eccentric, awkward child who loved to wear over-sized men’s suits in junior high is still chilling in her pinstripe slacks and loafers somewhere deep inside of me.
I never really felt out of place growing up, but occasionally the “cool kid” (translation: now a drug dealer or bartender still living in my hometown) would call me a “lesbo” and my confidence would be shaken (it’s funny how being called a “lesbo” as a kid was so “shocking”). Though I could really give a shit about what other people think, there is still a tiny piece of me that dreams of walking into my high school reunion and screaming, “Y’all are FAT!” and doing the midget-in-Twin-Peaks dance for 30 seconds before running outside.
This is why I felt slightly vindicated when I read the recent Wall Street
Do you have your SXSW outfits together yet?
If not, then look no further.
Below is my fashion guide for must-haves this year at SXSW.
Don’t be left out from the fashion blog style recaps this year!
Harem pants are not only comfortable, they also make it really easy to hide free party food or to take a crap in when there isn’t a bathroom handy.
via Alternative Apparel, $88
These beautiful shoes by Silverts are the perfect SXSW accessory! Not only will you be comfortable, but hoards of Interactive participants might mistake you for a nurse and ask for help after their thumbs lock up from “checking in” too much. Charge $20 a visit and you’ll have extra SXSW income!
via Silverts, $19.99
A quintessential SXSW adornment is the fanny pack. These helpful crotch pockets are perfect for hiding one free breakfast taco in.
via ShoeBuy, $25.99
2014 is all about texture and purple velour is the way to go! Luckily for you, Prince is not scheduled to make an appearance
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become increasingly self-aware of my mortality. Because of this, I’m convinced that every single stomach gurgle is in fact an organ-feasting parasite contracted through the drinking fountain at Target or a headache is a long-growing tumor developed via sniffing too many blueberry-scented markers as a first grader. I’m adamant that every animal and inanimate object can and will kill me if given the chance. I stay clear of TVs affixed to restaurant ceilings and walk as far as possible in the opposite direction of squirrels.
My current concern is Alzheimer’s Disease. Unlike my other worries, this fear is not unfounded (warning- Debbie Downer moment about to occur): one in every 10 people over the age of 65 and nearly 50% of people over the age of 85 have Alzheimer’s. I’ve watched my adopted grandfather gradually lose his mind from this horrendous disease. Though researchers are not quite sure what causes Alzheimer’s, there has been long-standing speculation
Currently, I have two fashion rules:
1.) Raid boyfriend’s closet.
2.) Continue childhood goal of becoming a rock star.
At 8 years old, I wanted to be Jerry Lee Lewis. At 11, Michael Jackson. Then, for some terrible, terrible reason, Elton John dictated my prepubescent years (thirteen is the year I learned want “dyke” means). In my late teens, it was the era of David Byrne, which has continued to shine brightly for the past twelve years. Occasionally I’ll fall in love with another (Warren Zevon, for example) and most recently, I’m fixated on The Replacements (where are the woman?!)
Um, how excited are you that The Replacements are semi-reuniting this year? I would make the trek to Chicago/Denver/Toronto to see them if I didn’t think they would mostly argue onstage.
I was a wee one when The Replacements had their heyday, so I’m kind of late to the game. These past few years have been an awakening in 80s alt-rock and luckily for me, Geoff has a plethora of enviable
I’ve never been nor ever will be an adorable lifestyle blog.
No model-esque baby has exited my womb to photograph and share with viewers day after day (however, I do have a “baby” whose eyes I gouged in with a screwdriver).
Our house is filled with stacks of paperwork, dead plants and the American tradition of Ikea furniture mixed with vintage, solid pieces.
I used to have fashion, but now wear shorts and t-shirts every day due to the Texas heat. When not wearing shorts and a t-shirt, I “embrace” my 90s Gwen Stefani with sweatpants and tank top. I did have a very short-lived “What I Wore Today” series on my blog- it mostly consisted of the previously mentioned attire.
However, I do get crafty sometimes!
Occasionally I make something that is manic pixie lifestyle blog worthy. I don’t do this to show off my crafting skillz; I mostly do it because I’m cheap.
For example, I was going to buy a $50 succulent book planter this weekend, but realized I could make one
I’ve had this blog for years and every month I get an itch to make it more streamlined. Thoughts of starting an editorial calendar dance in my head, but who am I kidding? My brain is about as organized as the basement of some sad sack on A&E’s Hoarders.
If I was more organized, I would make Friday my designated fashion and design day. In an attempt to accomplish that goal, I’m going to write about the most ridiculously hipster fashion topic I can think of:
Two clothing companies that the hip teen-through-thirty-somethings who think they are still teens love to shop at.
Full disclosure: I used to shop at both AND off and on worked at the latter (judge away!)
I no longer shop at Urban Outfitters for ethical reasons, however, I continue to support American Apparel, not because of some Kool-Aid allegiance I formed while working there (believe me, it’s NOT a perfect company), but because side-by-side, American Apparel is a