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I’d Gladly Stare at a Poster of a Shirtless Meatloaf

Indie-ignorant and proud: What it looks like to love the musical eras of yesteryear

01.06.12 | 04:00 pm

I have no idea what new music is out there right now. I have the freakin’ pen-name “Hipstercrite,” and I have no idea what people my age are listening to.

I am no hipster, I’m an old lady.

Cherishing my Time-Life 1950’s compilations on tape is what I do best. Loving Meatloaf is what I do even better. I still long for the days when I would wistfully stare at a poster of a shirtless Elton John (don’t ask). I’d probably stare at a poster of a shirtless Meatloaf and enjoy that too. I still have my Stevie Nicks costumes.

I even called Callin’ Oates; when my boyfriend got sick of hearing Daryl Hall crooning from my speaker phone, I was reduced to getting my fix of H2O in the car.

It’s Free Week in Austin, and you know what I’m doing right now instead of catching awesome local acts? Writing this post about how I’m indie ignorant.

I’d love to be Continue Reading

Fashion/Design, Hipstercrite Life

How to Have a Hipster Thanksgiving 2011

Last year I wrote a guide on how to have a Hipster Thanksgiving. Reading over that guide, I kind of wish I could copy and paste it for this year’s post, but alas, I had to come up with something new. Last year’s guide talked about Amy Sedaris’ hosting book ‘I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence‘ and I pretty much just want to only write about that. That woman is the shit.

So it’s Thanksgiving. You’re young, you’re hip, you like making cool DIY projects and even though you’re not vegetarian you’d like to think of yourself as one in select conversations with select individuals that are vegetarian. This is a special time of year for you and you need to know how to prepare for it responsibly. Here are some hipsters tips and products that will enable you to do this.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!


Make Tin Can Lights for the Turkey Table-
I came across this idea one day on one of those DIY pictorial porn sites- you know, the ones where you look at beautiful pictures Continue Reading

Film, Pop Culture

Another 7 Indie Valentine’s Day Movies You Should Watch

Yesterday I posted my top 8 favorite indie romantic comedies/dramas for Valentine’s Day. The truth is the list started out as 12, then got chiseled down to 10, then down to 8. Sometimes I get tired of writing a post. Sometimes I look at my post and I resent it and I don’t want to write it anymore and I want to whisper how much I hate it into it’s ear if it had an ear. That’s how a list goes from 12 down to 8.

However, yesterday’s list did not accurately relay my favorite indie romcoms and romdras and so many wonderful readers pointed out quintessential films that I missed entirely. I wanted to continue the list with Another Top 7 Indie Romantic Films That I Got Too Exhausted to Talk About in Yesterday’s Post.

And, yes I know some of these movies aren’t actually indies. Like I mentioned yesterday, “indie” is the code word for “hipster”. I just didn’t want to overuse the word “hipster” this week (though it’s used maybe nine 900 hundred times in this post).


1.) Say Anything (1989)
Yes, this movie should have really been number one yesterday. This movie gives hope to nerdy, angst-riddled young men with penchants for long raincoats that they will one day get the girl of their dreams. Lloyd Dobbler is the guy that every girl wants. The truth is, every girl has had a Lloyd Dobbler or two in their life and they didn’t want him. It’s much better to fantasize about the fictional Lloyd Dobbler that we confuse for John Cusack. Lloyd Dobbler loooooves valedictorian Diane Court. Like wants to have her babies love. Everyone tells Lloyd that Diane is out of his league, but Lloyd being the confident dude that he is, asks her out. Low and behold Diane says yes and though they have absolutely nothing in common, a relationship ensues. However, like any good three-act structure, an obstacle develops in the way of their ever-lasting love. You see, Diane Court is a winner. She’s going on to become a very successful but completely alienating and unrelatable career professional. And Lloyd, Lloyd likes kickboxing! Pshaw. Oh, and he doesn’t want to make, buy or sell anything processed for a living. Get with the times, Lloyd! Diane’s Dad tells her to drop that loser martial arts tard-o and focus on becoming the next ice queen. They break up and something propels Lloyd to hold a heavy boom box over his head (something he’d probably never want to make, buy or sell). It isn’t until Diane finds out that her beloved father is stealing from the old people that he takes care of that she goes running back into the arms of Lloyd. It always boils down to daddy. The movie ends with Lloyd and Diane flying off to Europe together as Diane begins her freshman year at some fancy-ass school. If the film continued after this point, we’d discover that Lloyd and Diane quickly break-up- like most high school sweethearts do- and Lloyd is left to doing kick-boxing tricks on the Paris street corners for dough and Diane goes on to become a successful boom box manufacturer.

2.) 500 Days of Summer (2009)
Gosh, I barely remember a thing about this movie, other than that I liked it….and….there was a lot of Smiths-referencing? I guess any movie that stars Zooey Deschanel is deemed “hipstery” whether they want it to or not. She optimizes what every “young, male creative urbanite” fantasizes about- she dresses like she’s in Mad Men, she”sings” in real life, and she has piercing blue eyes under a canopy of rich brown hair. If I recall correctly, the movie centers around Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Summer (Deschanel). They both work at a greeting card company. Tom develops a huge crush on Summer and the two start hanging out. How am I doing so far? Their friendship turns into a relationship, but it is apparent that the two have different views on love and life. They do a lot of hipstery things together like watch The Graduate and contemplate life and sing karaoke. One day they break up and Tom goes into a deep depression. Is this right so far? After running into Summer at a wedding, Tom discovers that she is engaged to another man. This puts Tom into a deeper depression, but catapults him into taking charge of his life. He runs into Summer one more time who explains to him that she now believes in love, but the love she needed wasn’t with Tom. Tom goes on a job interview and meets a girl named “Autumn”. Uh, duh. Brilliant! 500 Days of Summer is a very simple, but sweet love story that many young people can relate to. Wait a minute, who am I kidding? Who the f actually works at a greeting card company?

3.) Garden State (2004) (recommended by William Trinity, Melanie’s Randomness, Trina Estrada, Carissa McAtee)
This film came out right when I moved to Los Angeles. I saw the trailer and was like, “Oh my God, I’m Zach Braff. Big schnoz and all!” I was a big fan of this film due to my instantaneous feeling of disconnect from my friends and family back in NY upon moving to LA. I was a tool. Written, directed, and starring Zach Braff, Garden State follows the story of actor Andrew Largeman who returns to his hometown in New Jersey to attend his paraplegic mother’s funeral. While home, Andrew reunites with old friends who haven’t gone much of anywhere since high school. He also meets a young woman by the name of Sam, played by another adorable hipster idol, Natalie Portman. Sam is a pathological liar and she wear headphones all the time so you know she’s cool. Andrew spends a few days home learning more about himself, weening off of anti-depressants, and rebuilding a relationship with his father who blamed Andrew for his mother’s paralysis. Just as Andrew and Sam really get to digging each other, it’s time for Andrew to go back. Sam tearfully says goodbye to Andrew at the airport, but does Andrew actually get on the plane? I’m not going to tell you because I’ve done a pretty awesome job of spoiling lots of movies for you with these posts. Garden State is known for having a kick-ass soundtrack and making millions of people respect Zach Braff- even if it was for 5 minutes.

4.) Singles (1992) (recommended by Chelsea at Bella Vogue)
Another classic by the king of movies about young, alternative love- Cameron Crowe. Singles takes place during the height of the grunge movement in early 90’s Seattle. We follow the love lives of five people- urban planner Steve (Campbell Scott), environmental lobbyist associate Linda (Kyra Sedgwick), narcissistic musician Cliff (Matt Dillion), clueless waitress Janet (Bridget Fonda), and desperate ad exec Debbie (Sheila Kelley). Steve and Linda fall in love, but do everything possible to make it not work out of fear. The innocent Janet is in love with Cliff, but Cliff wants to keep his options open. Debbie is creepy. She makes really weird personal ad videos to try and land herself a boyfriend. They all fumble blindly through the tunnel of love as they try and figure out what they want out of life and relationships. The great thing about Singles is that though it takes place almost 20 years ago and the outfits may be a little different, young people can still relate to the characters fear of commitment and settling down. Another wonderful aspect of the movie is the absolutely adorable Campbell Scott (son of George C. Scott) who I wish could have stayed 30-looking forever.

5.) Reality Bites (1994) (Recommended by Inflammatory Writ)
I forget this movie takes place in Houston. I bet you did too. Nothing about this early 90’s alt-romcom says Texas. In fact, most people think it takes place in the same city as Singles (Seattle). The even weirder part of this movie? It’s directed by Ben Stiller. Yeah. I know! Like when he was still kind of cool. If Singles is the story of late 20 twenty-something professionals trying to find love, then Reality Bites is about their slightly younger, aimless counterparts. Reality Bites follows the love sandwich of Lelaina (Winona Ryder), Troy (Ethan Hawke), and Michael (Ben Stiller). Oh, also their is an a la carte story of Janeane Garofalo worrying that she has AIDs. Lelaina and Troy are bff and self-centered artsy types, but we all know that self-centered artsy types can never work out. They’d be constantly trying to outdo one another with their big ideas that go nowhere. Lelaina meets Michael who has his shit together. Of course Lelaina doesn’t really like dudes who have their shit together. Sounds familiar. Drama ensues all while Janeane Garofalo tries spewing her sarcastic and witty observations upon everyone. In the end, Lelaina must chose between the sweet and successful Michael and the loser musician Troy. Hmmm…I wonder who she’s going to pick? Side note- some of Reality Bites was shot in Austin and the screenwriter was 25 when the movie got made. Bitch.

6.) Lars and the Real Girl (2007) (Recommended by Tag Brum)
I think this movie is due for a second viewing. I liked it, but I didn’t love it. However, I recall the film having a very long scene where most of the live version of Talking Heads’ ‘This Must be the Place (Naive Melody)’ played and that makes ANYTHING ok in my book. Everyone knows that the live version is better than the studio version. It had ‘Genius of Love’ by Tom Tom Club too. Oh, and it also stars Ryan Gosling and even though he looks like circa 1975 pedophile, he’s still irresistible in my eyes. Lars and the Real Girl follows the story of an emotionally unstable man who dresses like a lumberjack and his love for a blow-up doll. You see, Lars has trouble relating to humans and he truly believes his blow-up doll, Bianca, is real. Unfortunately, she doesn’t look anything like Bianca Jagger which would have made the movie even cooler. Lars takes Bianca with him everywhere and his family is forced to treat her as though she’s real as well. Lars’ equally “off” co-worker, Margo, has a crush on him, but he’s too clueless to realize that. After a whirlwind romance with Bianca, Lars eventually lets her “die”. At Bianca’s funeral, Lars and Margo walk off together insinuating that one day they may have weirdo babies just like themselves. Lars and the Real Girl is a dark and slow romantic comedy-drama written by one of the writers of Six Feet Under. Though the film may be unrelatable in that we’ve never fallen in love with a plastic doll, it shows us what can happen if we go off our rocker and how our family should prepare for it.

7.) Secretary (2002) (Chris Hoffman)
Secretary is in my top 10 movies of all time, but for purposes of romance, it gets pushed down this list. This movie is definitely an atypical love story. The romance doesn’t really kick in until the end. Up until then it’s a completely degrading and depressing roller coaster of emotion. This film stars Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader right before he got fat. Lee (Gyllenhaal) is just released from rehab for cutting herself. She gets a job working as the secretary to weirdo lawyer E. Edward Grey (Spader). Lee is passive and weak- everything Grey secretly loves to hate. They begin a master & servant sort of relationship and Lee deludes herself into thinking that he cares for her. As Lee’s life begins to spiral out of control due to her father’s drinking, Lee looks to Grey for support. He fires her, she proclaims her love for him, he tests her by telling her to sit at his desk FOREVER. Being the good little masochist that she is, she does. Her family and pseudo-boyfriend Peter (Jeremy Davies) try to save her, but she remains still. After a few days, Grey is like, “Well, shit. I guess I have to marry this chick now”, and takes her home and treats her nicely. The end. Interesting side note- the short story that this is based on is NOTHING like the movie. No happy endings. In fact, the story ends with the secretary being fired and months down the road someone knocking on her door asking about her experiences with her former boss. Come to find out he’s running as an elected official and they want some dirt on him. Secretary the film is actually quite a beautiful love story, with one of the best character developments I’ve seen in a film. If you haven’t seen it, go rent it. It’s actually not that raunchy and focuses more on the cerebral aspect of of domineering/passive relationship.

Film, Pop Culture

Top 8 Indie Valentine’s Day Movies

Indie being a code term for “hipster”. I already used up my one allotted use of the word “hipster” this week.

Many of these films aren’t even indies, but they are just quirky enough to earn a place in the hearts of millions of pretentious young people like myself.

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day and with a little help from my friend Levi, here are the top 8 best indie/alternative/hipster romantic movies for the death-obsessing, mixtape-making, Smiths-loving couples out there.

1.) Harold and Maude (1971)
Harold and Maude chronicles quite possibly one of the most unconventional, but beautiful relationships captured in contemporary film. Directed by a dude with one of the coolest old-man name’s, Hal Ashby (Shampoo, Being There), this ground-breaking film follows the May-December romance of the young and somber Harold and the Jurassic and vivacious Maude. Harold comes from a wealthy family and he’s bored with it all… and really into death. The 1970’s goth kid came in the garb of polyester suits and turtlenecks. Everyone is obviously too dumb for Mr. I Have a Better Comb Over Than Donald Trump, until he meets the quirky 79 year-old Maude at a funeral that neither one was invited to. The two start talking and discover that though they have nothing in common, they both can offer a lot intellectually to one another. Harold falls for the old broad and plans to marry her. They bone. Maude announces that 80 is the perfect age to die. They share one lovely night together and then…oh, I’ve said too much. Harold and Maude is a classic story that continues to resonate with new audiences due to it’s championing of atypical love and the idea of living life to the fullest. And watching old people gettin’ it on.

2.) Annie Hall (1977)
No movie captures the love of two completely f’ed up 30-something narcissists like Annie Hall. Woody Allen sure knows how to take completely unlikeable people in real life and make then adorably non-punchable in the movies. Alvy Singer (Allen) meets Annie Hall (Keaton) during a really awkward game of tennis where she whips out her ol’ reliable “la-di-da’s” to win over the affection of the Jewish midget. Though the relationship starts off sweet and romantic, we watch the realities of how two people can grow apart. Unlike Blue Valentine, which makes you want to rip your heart out and then eat it in hopes of saving some part of it, Annie Hall is bittersweet but optimistic in knowing that Allen will go on to bang a lot of dames totally outside his league. Annie Hall is the sort of movie that gives faith to self-centered people that they will indeed find someone just like them one day- and then lose them.

3.) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) (Levi)
Michel Gondry finally gave the twenty-somethings a gift they never thought they’d receive. A compelling, nuanced, serious performance from our generation’s Bill Murray, Mr. Jim Carrey. And before you cry foul, riddle me this, how many times have you quoted a line from Ace Ventura, or Dumb and Dumber…that’s what I thought. But Jim Carrey’s performance in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind showed us a real character with believable grievances. Kate Winslet began the road to perfecting her near-perfect acting technique, and who the hell doesn’t like Mark Ruffalo? It’s a great love story told from a completely new perspective by chronicling the decline of a relationship in reverse, so at the beginning of the film you see how a once-loving, quirky relationship reached its breaking point. As the movie progresses you arrive at the fairy-tale, carefree happy ending… which is really the beginning…like, whoa. (the young’uns can substitute “like, whoa” with “that’s so meta” if they so choose.) In the end, I don’t recommend it as a first date movie…or a middle date movie. Watch it if you’re alone, so you remember what it’s like to be happy by dwelling on the past. That’s healthy.

4.) Edward Scissorhands (1990)
If you were born in the 1980’s, then you love this movie. Like love love. And if you don’t, then there is something inherently wrong with you and you should be taken out behind the barn. Who thought that a love story could be so heart-breaking between a young girl with a terrible dye-job and whatever the hell Edward is. Like most fairy tales, the story of Edward Scissorhands is simple- weird robot dude with scissorhands is built by Vincent Price in a castle at the end of the street, Avon lady tries to sell robot dude some lipstick, realizes he’s pretty pathetic and brings him home, his Robert Smith-demeanor charms the pants off of the young daughter much to Anthony Michael Hall’s man-boob chagrin, robot dude makes some really awesome bush and ice art and wows the neighborhood, Bitch Tits tries to mess things up for robot dude, robot dude goes into hiding, the two get into a fight, Bitch Tits dies, robot dude has to stay in hiding forever at the castle at the end of the street while Bad Dye Job swirls to Oingo Boingo as an old lady. See? Like most classic fairy tales.

5.) High Fidelity (2000)
High Fidelity is the sort of book/movie you wish you made. Everything about this movie is perfect. From the pop culture references to the wisdom of break-ups to the realities of life, this movie gives me a huge bone-bone every time I watch it. Rob Gordon is a much like the 30-somethings in Annie HallAwww….real love. What makes this movie so special is that Rob has a top song list for everything that happens in his life. It also makes legions of young hipsters want to stay perpetual losers well into their 30’s.

6.) Waitress (2007)
When this movie came out, I stayed away from it for two reasons- 1.) It had Keri Russell in it, and considering I only knew her from Felicity, I assumed it was going to be stupid ass and 2.) I thought it was a chick flick and I try to not think of myself as a chick though I really love The Notebook. What made me check out the movie was the sad fact that the writer/director/co-star of the movie, Adrienne Shelly, was murdered before the film was released. I’m so glad I gave this movie a chance because it is one of my all-time faves. Waitress follows the story of Jenna (Russell), a sweet waitress trapped in an abusive marriage and dead-end town. She disappointingly discovers that she’s pregnant and she begins telling the unborn baby how much she hates it. Que doctor Malcolm Reynolds with his smoldering good looks and Jenna finds herself intrigued by the affection of someone other than her deadbeat husband. Romance ensues, a lot of pies are made, and Keri Russell charms the living pants off of everyone.

7.) Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) (Levi)
With an impeccable soundtrack by Joe Strummer, witty inside-banter-like dialogue and a relationship that’s too cool for school, Grosse Pointe Blank became a hipster cult hit before hipsters could grow facial hair. In the film, hitman Martin Blank (John Cusack) gets invited to his 10 year high school reunion and reluctantly attends when an obligatory killing contract brings him to his home town. Blank reignites his relationship with Debi Newberry (Minnie Driver) through a flurry of “what could have been” scenes, until ultimately, the only way Blank can win his love’s trust back is by killing a whole lotta guys to protect her father – the man he was sent to kill. If anything, watch it for one of the best uses of Queen/Bowie’s “Under Pressure.”

8.) Punch-Drunk Love (2002) (Levi)
Probably one of the most underrated love stories of the past 20 years. P.T. Anderson’s take on the socially awkward and pudding collecting character Barry Egan also fulfills the casting fantasy of actually liking a performance from Adam Sandler. In fact, I felt somehow robbed of faith in Hollywood when Sandler didn’t get a nomination for best actor. But like “The Big Lebowski” before it, “Punch Drunk Love” leaves you guessing at your feelings toward the film. Was that a comedy or was I supposed to be taking that seriously.? There are parts that make me shit my pants with laughter (a date turn-off, by the way). Like when Sandler’s character tracks down Dean Trumbell, the man responsible for roughing up his love, (expertly played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman) he’s still clutching the phone receiver and cord he tore from the wall in a fit of rage from the previous scene. And their confrontation? “I’d say that’s that, mattress man.” Classic movie line. Then there are parts where you’re witnessing ooey gooey love sequences with the marvelous Emily Watson, who loves Barry even though he’s one of the strangest men on earth. Definitely not for an uneducated couple, they wouldn’t understand the nuance – then they’d complain to their local Blockbuster for giving them an unfunny Adam Sandler movie. Highly recommended for a smart, attractive couple with a regular sex life, because if you both enjoy the greatness of this film, you should probably stick together.

Honorable Mention:
-The Baxter (2005)
-Lars and the Real Girl (2007)
-So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
-Wild at Heart (1990)
-True Romance (1993)
-Moulin Rouge! (2001)
-Badlands (1973)
-Say Anything (1989)
-500 Days of Summer (2009)

What are your favorite indie romantic comedies/dramas? 

Film, Hipstercrite Life, Music, Pop Culture

Last Minute Hipster Halloween Costume- Your Ideas

Yesterday’s post regarding last minute hipster Halloween costume ideas had such positive feedback that I wanted to hear your ideas!

Y’all are so clever…

Hall and Oates– (for Hall) blonde mullet, leather jacket or private detective coat, a list with a woman’s kiss print on it, (for Oates) jheri curl wig, mustache, t-shirt with arms cut off, the ability to handle being second fiddle OR I like@dj_orions idea better: carry around a bag of oats and when people ask what you’re doing say, “I’m haulin’ oats.”

Antoine Dodson– black undershirt, red handkerchief, jheri curl wig, sass, discomfort in knowing that there is something still slightly racist about making fun of this (via josh)

The Hipster Grifter– pixie wig, headband, any Urban Outfitters ensemble, fake tattoos on chest, a copy of Vice Magazine, the weight of the world’s hate on your shoulders (via @pollysyllabick)

Marc Bolan– Jheri curl wig, Bowie’s hand-me-down fitted velvet three piece suit, boa, and glittery cheekbones (@leviharris)

Zombie David Foster Wallace– long hair wig in pony tail, frameless glasses, flannel, a copy of Infinite Jest, green and white make-up, a noose around your neck  (@benjamindobbin)

Burt Reynolds on Bear Skin Rug-nude underwear around your junk, spirit gum synthetic hair all over your chest and stomach, mustache, cigarette, oh, and a bear skin rug  (via @lugzzz)

Cast of Saved by the Bell– (group costume)-hold up an American Apparel (via @dunphy16)
All of Daniel Day-Lewis’ Characters COMBINED!– a mustache, a top hat, a vintage suit with bow tie, a low rumbling voice with an accent of your choosing, a weapon and/or sidekick of your choosing, sex appeal in a bottle (via lola)
Juggalo– and ICP t-shirt, various gothic caccessories and make-up from Hot Topic, a mailing address that is your parent’s basement, a deeply rooted hate for the world and yourself (via @mexikinda)

Dr. Strangelove– wheelchair, suit and tie, tinted glasses, blonde bouffant, cigarette, glove, German accent,
love for Peter Sellers (via Jenny)

Spinal Tap (group costume)- black spandex leggings, guitar, rock star wigs and mullets, foil wrapped cucumber in pants, a sandwich with a toy shark in it, herpes on upper lip.
Corky St. Clair (for the advanced Christopher Guest fan)- blonde toupe, reading glasses, Judy Tenuta t-shirt or silk kimono, My Dinner With Andre action figures, a lisp, and an absent “wife”. 
Maura Kelly (Marie Claire despised blogger)– a generous amount of self-loathing, covered by a thin veil (via @zeppomarxist) and clearly a shirt that says, “Thinspiration!” with a photo of Mike and Molly on it (via @inflammatorywrt)
Film, Hipstercrite Life, Music, Pop Culture

Last Minute Hipster Halloween Costume Ideas

I’d say about 90% of people wait until the last friggin‘ possible minute to get their Halloween costume. I know this because having worked at a clothing store that is popular around Halloween time encourages every asshole to come in the day of wanting to dress like a 70’s porn star or an 80’s aerobic instructor and they think they’re the first person on the planet to ever come up with that idea.

Some people wait until the last minute because they have no idea what the hell they’re going to wear.
If you’re one of those people, then look no further.
I have your one-stop last minute hipster Halloween costume go-to guide below.
First, if you’re a good hipster, you will already have these items in your collection:
1.) top hat
2.) mustaches of various shapes and colors
3.) bow ties
4.) ties
5.) suspenders
6.) suits- two piece and three piece and of various color and material
7.) horn-rimmed glasses
8.) loafers
9.) vest
10.) Wayfarers
11.) wigs of various shapes and colors- particularly a Justin Bieber wig
12.) fur coat
13.) silk scarves
14.) doo-rag
All of these items must be stored in an old traveling trunk plastered in stickers that you found at a thrift store a long time ago. If you don’t own these items, you are not a genuine hipster (and you’re probably very happy about that).
For more ideas, also check out last week’s post, “Halloween Costume Ideas for Girls with Penis Envy”.
Last Minute Hipster Halloween Costume Ideas

Ira Glass– Two piece suit, tie, horn-rimmed glasses, silver hair spray, Woody Allen dialect.
Rachel Maddow– Two piece suit, Justin Bieber wig with bangs combed up, wit and sarcasm.
Jimmy McMillan– suit with “Rent Is Too Damn High” written all over it, doo-rag with “Rent Is Too Damn High” all over it, epic side burn-to-mustache-to-soul patch facial hair, sass.

David Byrne– XXL suit, hangar contraption to hold suit up, horn-rimmed glasses, vacant expression and monotone voice.
David Bowie– too many Bowies to count, but if you want early 70’s Bowie- any sort of shiny bodysuit, Justin Bieber wig teased, gold make-up, shaved eyebrows, giant cock…er, I mean sock in crotch of bodysuit.
Bret Easton Ellis Character and/or 80’s James Spader– white linen suit with no shirt, loafers, Wayfarers, ring of blood around nostrils, Justin Bieber wig with highlights or slicked back, indifference and ambivalence.
Chuck Bass– white suit or any velour, wildly colored suit, shirt that only buttons to your diaphragm, silk scarf, furrowed eyebrows, smugness, and stifled British accent.
Truman Capote– white suit or any velour, wildly colored suit, vest, bow tie, horn-rimmed glasses, floppy hat, pinky ring, high-pitched voice, and ability to talk incessantly about yourself.
Little Edie– fur coat, doo-rag with broach, faux-aristocratic Hamptons accent, 40 cats on your arms.
Laura Palmer– 20 tons of Saran wrap, white make-up, blue lipstick, eyes closed, and no talking.
Ernest Hemingway– gigantic beard, turtle-neck wool sweater, rum bottle, misogyny.
Zach Galifianakis– gigantic beard, turtle-neck wool sweater, rum bottle, self-deprecation and awkwardness. Oh, and pregnant bump.


Gram Parsons– 70’s embroidered button-up shirt, shell necklace, Justin Bieber wig with minor extensions, an acoustic guitar, a pocket full of LSD, and an extreme love of UFOs and the Joshua Tree.

Tell me your ideas!