Austin

Yes, I like karaoke. AND YES, I’M PROUD OF IT!

One of the many reasons why Austin is much cooler than your city, is that it boasts a karaoke tournament.
That’s right.
This isn’t just any ol’ karaoke tournament. It’s the f’ing National Karaoke League.
And you’re talking to one of the champions right here.
Yep.
Team Steve Perry’s Excellent Adventure.
In last year’s tournament, we went from being in last place to winning the entire championship in one evening, much to the other teams dismay.
It was like a scene out of any formulaic 80’s comedy. We were the nerdy team, the underdog, the John Cusack that rallied against the bullies, the dudes with the polo shirts and perfectly coiffed blonde hair, the James Spaders. 
I took off my pants, Nolan ripped off his shirt, a girl fell and hit her head. 
It was the evening of all evenings.
After competing in yet another round of competition on Sunday (where we happily and willing lost to a drag queen), we’ve decided to get the team back together. This (more…)
January 27, 2010 by
Austin

SXSW 2010 Music Call Sheet (Halfway Through)

SXSW 2010 Music Call Sheet Continued….

Worst Band Name To Google:
Aa (Brooklyn)- Try finding their website!

Cause Everything is Better in Iceland:
Olof Arnalds (Iceland)- ‘Cause she looks and sounds like a little Icelandic Pixie

Someone I Think I’d Like to See:
A Shoreline Dream (Denver)- Nice shoegazey band that gets extra points ’cause their Myspace status says “Dreaming of Austin” and they seem to really really like Radiohead.
Break of Reality (NYC) Their stuff sounds like it should have been in “Last Temptation of Christ”. Peter Gabriel approved!
Dappled Cities (Sydney)- They really sound like every other indie rock band, but I like it!
Michael Feinberg (NYC) Not sure which I love more, the NY Jewish accountant-like name or the sweet jazz that comes from his fingertips.
Malente (Germany)- FUNK IN THE JUNK!

Best Voice:
Male- Contra Coup (Austin)- If Danny Elfman and Antony Hegarty had a baby.
Female- Julie Peel  (Montreal)- (more…)

January 26, 2010 by
Austin

SXSW 2010 Music Call Sheet

Austin’s South by Southwest is rapidly approaching (Mar. 12th-21st). I am making a vow to not do what I did last year, which was not go to a single event and sit in the corner and pout and mumble about how much I hate a festival that I’ve never even gone to.
There was really no call for it.
I was just bitter that I had to work the entire week and it would take me three times as long to drive anywhere. GO BACK TO L.A!

This year I will see shows if it kills me (fast forward to me sitting home alone on the couch with a tub of peanut butter).

Here is a list of some of the music acts this year. I’m still learning the list myself so there will be more to come.

Bands You Have Heard Of:
Neon Indian
Fool’s Gold
The Crystal Method
Robyn Hitchcock
Deer Tick
The Boxer Rebellion
We Are Scientists
Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paraiso UFO

Best Band Name of a Band I’ve Never Heard Of:
And So I Watch You From Afar
I Fight Dragons
Hot Panda
Bastard Child Death Cult

Austin Bands You MUST Check Out:
Suzanna Choffel – (more…)

January 25, 2010 by
Writing

Lunar Park Slope Pt. 3



I’m still crouching like an idiot underneath my desk waiting for Rob to walk in on his surprise party. After about five minutes of impatiently waiting, I shout out, “Where the fuck is Rob?”

“I’m right here!” A familiar voice says and with that, everyone kind of  stands up and mumbles something that sounds like “Surprise!” and I manage to knock over my coffee and spill it all over my computer keyboard, on my skirt, and over Rob’s CD. I start screaming and swearing and everyone runs over to see what’s going on with me and leaves Rob standing in the doorway, his surprise party blue-balled by me.

He walks over to my cubicle and offers to help me clean up. I shove his mixed CD in his hands and he says, “That’s the third keyboard you’ve gone through this year. No more.”

Chapter 2

I have to say that the cookies were pretty damn good. There was an even amount to go around, but I managed to snag two at a time while everyone was more concerned with Rob’s gift unwrapping. I managed (more…)

January 22, 2010 by
Writing

TV- Jersey Shore Ends, Life Continues On

“I watch it for it’s unique commentary on the current youth culture, particularly that of Italian-Americans born in and around New York City. The show is relevant because it reveals the overindulgence tendencies by the parents of Generation Y. Theses tendencies bring out primal emotions and behavior in their children and if you substitute the nail salon fingernails and big hair with claws and fur, you have yourself a show on Animal Planet”.

This is what I have to say to people when they ask me why in hell I enjoy watching MTV’s “Jersey Shore“.

Even then they don’t buy it because I’m spewing jibberish I learned in film school out of my mouth…. AND I MEAN JIBBERISH! (using the phrase “culturally relevant” over and over on film theory papers will always get you an A).

Why I watch “Jersey Shore” is a good question. Maybe it’s because I like the drama; a Pollack piece of Bumpits, Affliction, and tanning oil. Or maybe it’s because I myself used to vacation at the Jersey Shore as a child.

Yes, it’s (more…)
January 21, 2010 by
Writing

Lunar Park Slope Pt. 2

Pt. 1 here

John the intern is adorable. He is in his third year at journalism school and takes his job here very seriously. I’m sure he had three tasks today; stock the fridge, take out the mail, and be on the lookout for when Rob gets back from lunch so we can surprise him. And I’m sure he accomplished all three with admirable conviction.

My co-workers scramble under their desks to hide, which seems like wasted effort to me as we’re all respectively enclosed by cubicle walls as it is. There are eight of us in the bull pen: Amy, our office manager and resident struggling actress, sits at the front door, Kyle, our style editor and resident struggling musician sits in cubicle number #1 a.k.a. “The Love Den”, Bradford, our field writer and resident struggling screenwriter, sits in cubicle number #2 a.k.a. “Deathstar”, Ginger, the one who does a little bit of everything and is our resident struggling t-shirt designer, sits in cubicle #3 a.k.a. “The Gingerbread House”, and me, the advice columnist/pop (more…)

January 20, 2010 by
Writing

Fashion- But Where is the Kings of Leon Snuggie?

Word on the street is that the Followill Dynasty designed some pretty expensive clothing for the Parisian clothing line/creative agency Surface2Air which will be sold exclusively at the Copenhagen boutique Paris Texas. For $1150 you can buy this jacket:

Or you can buy this flannel for I don’t know how much, but probably a friggin’ lot for something you can buy at Goodwill:

Also part of the collection? Jeans and fedoras.

Nothing about this line says new and exciting. In fact, Austinites have been wearing this shit for years, Followill Clan (except for the fedroas…the only people who wear fedoras are Britney Spears circa 2005 and 2006).
Maybe that’s why you decided to sell your clothing in a European clothing store called Paris Texas, right? RIGHT?

What is it lately with the rock star clothing line trend?

Weezer recently designed (“designed” being used loosely) a Snuggie for the release of their not highly anticipated album “Raditude”.

Bono and his wife, Wife Bono, created an eco-friendly (more…)

January 19, 2010 by
Writing

Lunar Park Slope

Dear Lauren:


I am 26 years old. I have a good job at a talent agency, a boyfriend of three years, a rent controlled apartment in Silver Lake, supportive friends and family, and an active social life and yet I wake up every day feeling like something is missing. I feel guilty and somewhat narcissistic about being unhappy. Normally a very happy person, I’ve been feeling restless and moody all of a sudden. I know I should feel lucky for all the things I have, but yet my psychiatrist seems to think that I think I don’t deserve to be happy. I fear that I suffer from Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome. I’m afraid that I’ll never be happy and that scares the hell out of me? Can you please help?

Sad in Silver Lake

Dear Sad:

First of all, I’d like to say that I’m flattered that you came to me after your psychiatrist didn’t do the trick. Who’s to say that a 24 year-old college drop out with less credentials than a hotline psychic can’t help?

Secondly, I think you read my mind today. Have you ever stopped (more…)

January 19, 2010 by
Writing

Excuse Me, Do You Know You Look Like a Mess?

“Can I tell you something?” A voice says from behind my right shoulder as I wait in line at Baja Fresh on Sunset Boulevard.

The rule in Los Angeles is if someone voluntarily talks to you and you have yet to make eye contact, it is a-okay to 100% ignore them.

“Miss?”

Maybe I can pretend that I’m deaf?
But then I would have to produce pretty convincing sign language once I get to the counter. Which I have no idea how to do. Unless I want to tell the cashier that I love him over and over I probably won’t be able to get away with it.

“Ma’am?”

Man, this guy has something really important to say to me. Chances are it’s going to be a.) someone claiming to be a “producer from “The Valley” who would “love it if I can stop by “his office” sometime and audition for the role of the “love interest” in a “feature film” he wrote/directed/starring in or b.) something about how God is going to kill everyone in Los Angeles because The Devil created Hollywood c.) a Stepford looking woman Scientologist offering (more…)

January 18, 2010 by
Writing

To Serve Man

This is what happens when you’re in a bad mood, stressed, and have writer’s block.
_________________________
8:45PM

I declared this week “What is Love?” week on my blog, which was really a dumb ass idea. Since I obviously have no idea what love is, I can’t really talk about it then, can I? Huh? HUH?

There are only so many posts (one, really) where I can a.) talk about how I’ve never been in love and b.) realize that I have no idea what the hell love is.
This really makes me want to write a post about how I’m going to turn into “that woman”. You know, the one that you see in the supermarket with dream catcher earrings, talking really loud to herself, then directing questions to passersby, laughing hysterically before the passersby even finishe a sympathetic answer, loading up the cart with 25 cans of Chicken Corn Chowder soup which she will eat at home alone later that evening while watching a Monk marathon.

But then I realized I’ve already written that post. About four times now.

Fuuuucckkk….
Am (more…)
January 15, 2010 by