Lunar Park Slope Pt. 3

I’m still crouching like an idiot underneath my desk waiting for Rob to walk in on his surprise party. After about five minutes of impatiently waiting, I shout out, “Where the fuck is Rob?”

“I’m right here!” A familiar voice says and with that, everyone kind of  stands up and mumbles something that sounds like “Surprise!” and I manage to knock over my coffee and spill it all over my computer keyboard, on my skirt, and over Rob’s CD. I start screaming and swearing and everyone runs over to see what’s going on with me and leaves Rob standing in the doorway, his surprise party blue-balled by me.

He walks over to my cubicle and offers to help me clean up. I shove his mixed CD in his hands and he says, “That’s the third keyboard you’ve gone through this year. No more.”

Chapter 2

I have to say that the cookies were pretty damn good. There was an even amount to go around, but I managed to snag two at a time while everyone was more concerned with Rob’s gift unwrapping. I managed to get five cookies into my purse and figured I’d eat them for dessert tonight. I’m not sure I want to share them with Timm though. He can steal his own damn cookies.

Rob got a nicely framed copy of our first issue from Marty, a DVD collection of Jean-Claude Van Damme movies from Bradford, a knit beanie from Ginger, and a vintage cowboy shirt from Amy. I’m not sure what inspired Amy to buy Rob a cowboy shirt. There is nothing very “cowboy” or “vintage” about Rob which is one of the reasons why we wouldn’t have worked as a couple.

The plan is to go to the The Bell House after work and I text Timm to see if he wants to join us. He texts back saying the band is practicing and he’ll try to stop by later, but not to plan on him gracing us with his presence. I don’t think he likes my co-workers much, but in reality Timm doesn’t like anyone very much. At past work functions, he’s mostly sat in the corner, not smiling, and talking about how the Earth is dying. In the beginning it used to really bug me that he didn’t want to hang with my friends, but I had to remind myself that in having artists as boyfriends, comes the anti-social behavior.

I try to finish up my letter to Sad in Silver Lake before we leave. The assignment is due tomorrow and I don’t want to be left with the daunting task of finishing up the assignment while drunk and/or hung over. The truth is, the letter bugs me. Every time I read it, it just makes me think of me and the advice I should be listening to myself. It’s funny how you can regurgitate all the things you know that are best for you but you never truly believe it. It’s like I just can’t stop touching the hot stove.
Yes, I’m definitely drinking tonight.

At the bar, I pound back four vodka shots immediately. I drink two of them in the bathroom because I want everyone to think I’m going at the same pace as them. I start rambling on to Amy about how inconsiderate Timm can be and that my family and friends think I’m the punchline to the joke “What is a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless”. Well, actually I wouldn’t be the punchline but the point is I’m an enabler for his lazy behavior. What am I going to do? I’ve had a thing for musicians since I was twelve and discovered in my blooming sexuality that I got really turned on by Elton John’s chest hair. Early Elton John. When his whole body didn’t look one big pile of playdough. I then moved on to more normal crushes such as David Bowie and Lindsey Buckingham.

I can hear myself starting to slur a bit and I’m admant in telling Amy and the rest of the table that no one understands Timm but me. Even if he treats me like I don’t even exist. I talk about how talented he is and how he’s such an old, wise soul and I even as I listen to the words come out of my mouth, I know it’s complete and utter bull shit.

Rob brings over another round of shots. I reach for one but he pulls it away.

“Woah, slow down there partner or you’re going to be feeling it tomorrow.”

“Rob, I’ve had one shot all night.”
“Did you finish the column for tomorrow?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“You know you have by noon tomorrow, right?”
“I know, I know. Oh, hey, did you like your CD?”
“Lauren, I haven’t listened to it yet. It’s still drying in the car.”

“Yeah, well, it means a lot to me. I spent like, four weeks working on that.”

“Thanks Lauren. No one makes a mixed CD quite like you.”

I grab Rob’s arm and stare him down.

“I’m serious, Rob.”

“Serious about, what?”

I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and it’s Timm calling.

“Hi babe!” I scream much louder than I think.

“I’m driving up and down Hollywood and can’t find any fucking parking. I’m going home.”

“No, no. Did you try looking down Selma or Sycamore?”

“Yes, there is nothing. Look, I tried, ok?”

“Wait, I’ll come out and meet you.”

I grab my purse and an announce to the crowd that though I’ve had a blast, it’s time for me to go. I miss a step off the bar stool and flop down on the poor intern. My face neatly smooshed into her ear, I whisper, “Katie, ssh…please stop wearing low rise pants, ok?”

Rob jumps from his seat and grabs my right arm.

“I’ll walk you ouside.” Rob says.

“No, it’s ok. I’m fine.”

“I know you’re fine, but I want to walk you outside.”

I don’t like feeling like I’m being treated as a child, but I let him take my arm anyways.

We wait outside for a good ten minutes, sharing a cigarette, before Timm shows up. The conversation entails me explaining all 40 tracks of his mixed CD and the significance of each song. By the time I get to the last track, I hear a beep and see Timm’s car stopped in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard and him impatiently waving me to get in.

Rob gives me a big hug and says, “Take care of yourself.”

I can feel my eyes instantly fill with tears, but I hold them into tiny pools. Most of the time, I would have gotten angry at him, or anyone for saying that. I know how to take care of myself. I take good care of myself. However, at that moment, who was I fooling?

I turn away quickly so he can’t see my eyes and jump into Timm’s car. He peels off down the street and I watch all the lights of Hollywood blur into a line.

We pull into our driveway and I watch as Timm gets out of the car and goes into the house. I stay in the passenger seat. I’m too tired to get up and the warm wind coming down from the mountain feels so good on my face. I finally get out of the car, but trip on a stone lining the path to the front door. I fall into the front yard and lie on my back, staring up into the sky. I think about Sad in Silver Lake and I wondered what she is doing tonight. If she was thinking the same thing I am thinking right now.

I straggle into the house and walk over to my computer. Timm is making himself a sandwich.

“What were you doing out there?”

“Thinking about my assignment that’s due tomorrow.”

I can smell the mustard he’s putting on his sandwich and it makes me want to throw up.

“Did you have fun tonight?”

I’m thrown by this question. It’s been a long time since he asked me about my day.

“Yes, actually…”

“Holy shit! There’s my wallet! Can you fucking believe that? I’ve been looking all over for this thing!”

“…it was a good night.”

“So, check this. We practiced that new song I wrote. The guys seem to think it’s a good one. Chad created a killer bass line for it. I think this one is going to be our song, you know?

I tune him out and pull up a fresh Word doc on my Macbook to finish my letter to Sad in Silver Lake.

Dear Sad in silver Lake…

It’s Tuesday at 10PM, I’m drunk, and in the backgroundd, I hear my boyfriend rambling on and on and on and on about his music. I just fell in the front yard and he DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE for ten minutes. My boyfriend never asks me how my day went. Instead, I come home to him sitting on our bed, playing his guitar,     and the first words out of his mouth are, “Check out this new song I wrote.” Then for the next hour I’m forced to sit there and listen to this new song he wrote and give him feedback on whether or not I think it’s selllable and I pretend to be interested he accuses me of not being supportive and if I pretend to act interested, then I’m guaranteed another three to four hours of listening to him when all I really want is to push him out of a moving car and go to sleep. The end goodnight…

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  • Reply TheBigShowAtUD January 22, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    i will marry the woman who buys me a dvd set of Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. seriously.

    i hope the vodka helped.

  • Reply Colleen January 22, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    I know you will hate me for saying this because I read your post on Sarah Jessica Parker, but this story had a Carrie Bradshaw-esq quality to it. Maybe I only think that because I've started re-watching my old SATC DVDs, but I liked it. All three parts were funny and quirky and sentimental. Well done!

  • Reply Hipstercrite January 22, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    @TheBigShowAtUD- hahahahaha! Did you see JCVD?

    @Colleen- No, I take that as a compliment. Thank you!

  • Reply WILDasaMINK January 22, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Ok-I'm at work so I can't read this now…but I skimmed through it and all I can say is I'm coming back this weekend to read the entire thing-pt. 1-3!!!
    Plus it says something about Park Slope in the title, and I happen to live in that 'hood. I'm interested indeed!

  • Reply IT January 22, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    I see why it's a three-parter.

  • Reply IT January 22, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    …or is there more to this story?

  • Reply Lola Lakely January 22, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    I haven't been by here in awhile but I've missed reading your posts. They are so honest! And interesting. And sometimes you can get one without the other. Which is never the case in your blog posts. Well done!

  • Reply The mad woman behind the blog January 22, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    Oh gawd, I so have been there. You sure Timm isn't really Jason and he's an exercise addict/Ironman?

  • Reply Nathanael Rey January 23, 2010 at 12:12 am


    did you ever push him out of the moving car?

  • Reply Just me.... January 23, 2010 at 1:48 am

    Holy Cow!!! Did you say the Pig & Whistle??? You're hardly old enough to know that! Maybe to you it's just a bar … but to me.. isn't that where the Irish Rover's would sing? Am I the only one here who might know that :-0 … help

  • Reply Meg January 23, 2010 at 3:50 am

    great story… i have only just stumbled on your blog though – so i'll have to come back and read more!

  • Reply That Chelsea Girl™ January 23, 2010 at 7:57 am

    I have a thing for musicians as well…they're a tricky, soulful-yet-deadbeat sort of bunch.

  • Reply cjschlottman January 23, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    I love the Ellen Gilcrist feeling of this post. If you've not read her, go out and get a copy of "Land of the Dreamy Dreams." Good work, I say.

  • Reply Hannah Miet January 23, 2010 at 4:38 pm


    I printed you out to read you on the train without glaring light. I hope you don't mind the intimacy.

    I was going to Park Slope, but that's not why I did it.

    The letter at the end of this sealed the deal.

    You're a writer, and I want to hold you in my hand.


  • Reply Grant January 23, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    I feel like this is that start of something big for you. Not the you in the story, but the you writing the story. Cheers.

  • Reply Lamar January 23, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Earlier this year I sent out this video to illustrate how the current administration is masquerading as a leadership team different from the previous one. The video documents how the choice between Democrat and Republican is really no choice at all. Recent history has confirmed the message of this video. Here we are almost a year after Bush left office and we see that really only the rhetoric has changed. The same program of economic, military, and civil rights disintegration remains in full effect. The sequel to this video is now available to shed more light on this false choice of governance. This sequel exposes: 1) how mega banks like Goldman Sachs created this financial crisis to then introduce their solution: a government hand-out of trillions of dollars to them; 2) how this same scheme is being set up again on a global scale through the development of a cap-and-trade derivatives market; 3) how Obama is simply managing this economic disintegration program that was furthered by Bush (and his predecessors) going back as far as Carter; 4) how Obama's actions have been just as unconstitutional as Bush's and how our country is being pushed deeper into an oppressive surveillance society. The sooner we acknowledge this false choice of governance we are given, the better the chances are that we can produce a real choice that represents us, not the institutionalized power structure pillaging us. If you would like to learn more about the timely issues raised in these videos please visit this alternative news website, where these videos were produced.

  • Reply IT January 23, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    @ Lamar – WTF?

  • Reply Just me.... January 23, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    I'm with IT! wtf?

  • Reply TheBigShowAtUD January 23, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    i love the long, political comments with VIDEO links. YES!

  • Reply Gamblest January 23, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    You. are. perfect.

  • Reply Sam Albion January 24, 2010 at 2:37 am

    my top tip- put pubes in the muso's food. Don't tell him. Just sit back and laugh as he eats pubes and peanut butter jelly.

  • Reply MODG January 24, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    I heart the picture of you in the post before. I'm just too retarded to post on the actual post.

  • Reply Allie January 24, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    this was fantastic! really- i have absolutely no patience, and i cheerfully read the entire thing without once having to worry about my eyes glazing over.

    if you ever have time, please check out my blog at http://alliekate.blogspot.com
    i'd really appreciate it!

  • Reply Hipstercrite January 25, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Thanks for the comments everyone, I really appreciate it!. Can someone actually tell me street names and a hot hipster bar in Park Slope. I accidently left a Hollywood bar and Hollywood streets in the post.

  • Reply Hannah Miet January 25, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    The Bell House

  • Reply Hannah Miet January 25, 2010 at 4:22 pm


  • Reply Matt January 25, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    You're admirable.

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