Today I turn thirty.
I never imagined this day would come (I said this exact sentence while watching the series finale of The X-files).
We would stay dirty, stinky kids forever, right?
Thirty just seemed so unthinkable, so impossible. Didn’t life just stop at 27, like it did for Jimi, Jim and Janis?
I didn’t plan for a life after thirty. Thirty meant homes and marriage and babies and none of those things ever resonated with me. I’m an only child of divorced parents who always wanted to work in Hollywood, so needless to say, a life of solitary seemed like the direction I was headed in. And for awhile, I was very much alone. For the first half of my twenties, I was glued to my career, and was existentially lost and angry. My career as a personal assistant was not the right fit for me, but I was determined to make it work- at the costs of friendships and my mental health. I was a mess, getting drunk alone at night in order to deal with my confusion, blowing off events with new friends and leaving drunk, tearful messages for old friends who would still put up with me. It was a life unsustainable, but I wallowed in it for five years.
I’ve never thought in short-term or long-term goals and have always followed my heart, so it came as a great surprise to me that as I got closer to thirty, everything started to nicely fit together. When the word “thirty” used to bring me to my knees and force me to curl into a ball of despair, I began looking at it with hope and content. Ten years ago, heck, even five years ago, I never would have imagined that I would be working freelance, in a loving partnership and having just co-written a film. I guess your twenties about figuring out who are, and your thirties are about honing that individual.
Though I’m looking forward to today, something still feels off. So much has changed between twenty and thirty. People have gotten sick, people have died and the reality of mortality has finally hit me. When I think back to twenties, many were still with us and were in good health. I’m watching my parents and grandmother get older and I’m absolutely helpless to stop it.
Change is just a fact of life, but I’m not sure it will ever get easier.
As I mentioned earlier, I’ve never thought in terms of goals, but an idea I’ve had floating in my head for many years now is a book about how to survive your twenties. Now that I’m thirty, I can confidently say I persevered.
If you’re in your twenties and feel like reading about the misguided adventures of a former twenty-something, check out my blog posts under the “20-Something” tab. I guess I need to create a “30-Something” tab now too.
well happy birthday! and congrats on all of your success this year!
I turn 25 next week & it’s so weird that I’m halfway through my 20s. good to hear about what the future may hold. noted.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! It keeps getting better, I promise!
I have been following you as best I can for what, nearly five years and it has been a treat to observe the changes and maturity in you. Finding oneself is the only thing anyone really has to do, and there is no certainty in accomplishing that, it is the incredible journey to undertake. It is also not for the meek, so that you are doing so speaks to the courage in you to have the best reality possible…
What you left behind you didn’t value, at least half as much as you never knew… (yes, I did appropriate a Wall of Voodoo lyric for that..!)
Love & Rockets!
Thank you so much, Mark! I think you’re giving me way too much credit, but I take it as a huge compliment from a wise man like you (as seen by your use of Wall of Voodoo lyrics).
Happy Birthday! I love 30 so far, it really does only get better.
I turn 30 tomorrow. I think we’re even more prepared than we expected.
Happy Birthday, Jessica! Hope it was a great one!
Love your idea for the 20-something book – right up your street – do it!
Awesome! Thank you!!!
Happy Birthday ! You give those us still floundering through our twenties hope.
Wow happy birthday. 30 is cool huh. It’s like a relief. I didn’t think it would happen to me but I had a mini-emotional breakdown on my 30th. Though it might have been because my boyfriend told me minutes before my party was supposed to start that he didn’t know who was actually coming. What a mind fuck.
Hi,ms.hcrite,sorry!But im back,ha,thanks for
posting my pier story,pretty stupid huh,but
that pier pic of you in the foreground made me do it, its almost like dejavu again if you know what i mean,do you?Im no hater,
but would you drop the fb pic of you wearing that plaid shirt,its just not you,
reminds me of Floyd r turbo AKA johnny carson doing a skit of this middle
aged guy,conservative,talking about
gun laws,womens liberation and hunting
in a monotone voice,kinda like a redneck.
All you would need is a hunting cap and
that plaid shirt and you would like ms
Floyd r Turbo and im not kidding,got it.
Just a suggestion,replace it with the girls
loves her gun tee,you know the one you
modeled,WoW,that has to be the some of the best gun’s,(plural)ive ever seen,love the smile too.About turning 30,give me a break,ms.hcrite is still cute as ever and you look 25,so stop it right now,its all in you’re mind,Right.I wonder if Rudys barber
shop has any left over,about them guns,not
too big,not too small,just Right.Ha,ha,oh
Sorry for the out of line sentences,
i’ll fiqure it someday.Back to you’re
guns,those guns are perfect and are
hand sized as you demonstrated on
you’re fb page.ha ha so cute.
[…] in a city that famously prides itself on embracing the “weird”. For me, the weird is being a 30-something, un-coupled woman without children living with three rescued pets. When I go back to Seattle or […]