I always knew that 28 was going to be a pivotal age for me.
When I still worked in Hollywood, 25 would be the age that the ball really started rolling career-wise, and 28 would be the age that I, for the lack of a lesser cheesy phrase, “made the big time”. I wasn’t sure what “making the big time” exactly entailed, but I knew it involved financial freedom and a certain amount of career notoriety that would prevent me from drinking at home alone and writing emo music lyrics on my mirror in marker.
Of course I never accounted for the fact that I would soon view my career path as repugnant as a public restroom on Venice Beach.
Well, both 25 and 28 were important ages, but not in the ways that I imagined they would be. At 25 I left the film business and moved to Austin and at 28 I left working 9-5 and went freelance. I also fell in love with an amazing person. I also started growing this cool Rogue-esque white patch in the front of my hair.
I’m halfway through my 28th year and so far it’s been an amazing exercise in self-discovery. I never thought I could make the leap to freelance, I never thought I’d meet someone I connect with so well, I never thought my hair would be popping out grays so quickly and I never thought my metabolism would shift. For the first time in my life, I have a little paunch that I can’t get rid of it. I’ve decided to own the extra ten pounds that I gained earlier this year, but it’s still disheartening when you spend five minutes jumping up and down trying to get your pants over your ass.
When I look in the mirror, I no longer see a little girl. I see a woman with faint creases around her eyes and mouth. I see a woman who has some jiggle goin’ on around the middle. I see a woman who is creeping up on 30 and for the first time in her life, she’s kind of accepting it.
Now, I really don’t have any plans for after 30. Coming up with goals for 25 and 28 were hard enough! Jeez! I guess I need to figure out something for the next ten years. But the next ten years include scary things like marriage and children! That one I’m just going to play by ear. In that area, I still feel like such a child. It boggles my mind that anyone my age could possibly know how to care for another human being, but maybe I’ve just been in an arrested state of not wanting to grow up. Or maybe it’s because I’m an only child of a divorced family. Or maybe I’m just selfish.
I’m going to focus on the career goals past 30 first. This is the first time I’m actually thinking about this, so if I spew out a bunch of stream of consciousness, please bare with me.
When I turn 30, I will…
Oh, wow. This is hard.
When I’m 30, I will have written a…
Anyone have any idea what I will have written at 30?
Ok, at 30 I will have written a book!
That’s a good start!
But about what?
Oh man…ummm…about a twenty-something girl who has no idea what she’s doing with her life?
Ok, that’s cliche, but at least I know a lot about that topic.
Let’s move onto 32.
At 32, I will have…more gray hairs!
And, I will have actually written the book I never wrote at 30!
Ok. At 32 I will have finally finished the first draft to a book I was supposed to write at 30 about I don’t know what.
What about 35?
Oh man, I have to think that far ahead?
How does anyone plan for their future?
A doctor once told my mom to love me now (I was 17) because I wasn’t going to live past 25. I lived my life with that mentality for a loooooong time. Now that I’m 30 (and realize that doctor was full of shit) I’ve started making a ton of plans. By the time I’m 35, I want to be working for myself. I want to actually have a passport and have been out of the country. I want to share my life with someone. But most of all, I want to hold onto that small piece of that 17 year old that lived everyday like it was her last. Plans are great, but it can all be gone in the blink of the eye. So I will tell people I love the, sing every song that comes on the radio and not be afraid to try.
Wow, Cathy. How can a doctor even suggest that? What a terrible thing to have to live with! You keep rockin’ it, girl! You’re going to continue doing awesome things!
A book sounds amazing. Maybe I’ll try that too.
I’m growing my hair long at 29 because I feel like this is my last chance to have long non-grey hair. So yeah. That’s my thing to do by 30 I guess??
Oh yeah and get a tattoo of a rose because I have like ten thousand tattoos but no roses, which is weird.
My plans for the future?
I am finally doing all the things I wanted to do.
No what-ifs and no hesitation. All those things I’ve wanted to do since I was 13 . . . 16 . . 21 . . . 25 . . .
It’s time to make those paper napkin ideas a reality before we’re 35 talking about the things that we’ve always wanted to do.
So, my plan is to produce my very own short and bury myself into photography. I wonder what my 30 year old self will think of that.
Also 28 1/2
Good for you, Stephanie!!! Love hearing this!
p.s. (it’s a p.s. because i just posted under your “hypstercrite is lame post”)…
…i definitely felt a shift in my fat cells at about 28 and now at 31, it hasn’t gone away. but for the first time in my life, i feel physically like a woman. Not a girl (see 22 year olds) but a WOMAN. It’s been a struggle but the more i reject the culture of youth that’s penetrated every ounce of our entertainment, and acknowledge that it’s all crap (it’s really just meant to sell you things), the better I feel. Plus I bought bigger pants 😉
PS. I also don’t have many plans at this point. but what’s the point in planning? Where are you trying to get to? What’s the point? My philosophy: live smaller, love better, do something. When that something is achieved, do something else… there is no “Place” to get to. THe sooner we figure that shit out, the happier and better off we’ll all be.
PPS…. can we talk about freelancing?
Funny i did a post this morning about the future, i am 27 and i definitely want to be married by 30, but the guy i want to marry who i chose a while back does not know, we are not even that close to it, guess i love the challenge http://sitawa.blogspot.com/2012/05/waging-warmy-weapon-of-power-lives.html