Sometimes life is hard.
Sometimes you just want to curl up into a ball on the couch and growl, scream, ROAR at the next person who asks you a question.
Sometimes you want to drink stale wine from a bottle on the couch with a tub of cream cheese and binge-watch Orange is the New Black.
This past week has been emotionally challenging. A young friend passed away suddenly which has left many of asking why, I’ve been taking care of my boyfriend whose arm surgery has left him in tremendous pain, not sleeping and mostly house-ridden, my financial situation has reached nightmare-inducing proportions, and my anxiety is at an all-time high. In the past month I’ve had four panic attacks- that is the most I’ve experienced ever in a short period of time.
But that’s what this wonderful life is about, right? It’s about challenges. It’s about getting up every day and fighting the battles and putting out fires.
Life is about getting up, staring the day in the face and saying, “You can work with me or against me, but either way I’m moving forward.”
There are so many self-help guides to get you through tough patches and so many friends who tell you to do yoga or take a pills or go see a psychotherapist. I have done them all and believe in their respective powers, but sometimes you just don’t want to do any of the three.
Sometimes you just want a shot of tequila, or two, before bed to calm the noise in your head.
Sometimes you want to swim, to blow all the air out of your lungs, sit at the bottom of the pool and stare up at the surface with the same wide-eyed wonder of a child.
Sometimes you want to eat cookies, or eat half-cookies, or start eating a cookie and then throw it away.
Sometimes you ignore friends’ calls, or call several friends in one day and you’re reminded of how inspiring and uplifting your friendships are.
Sometimes you want to walk around the block. Sometimes your knees feel like they’re about to give out. Sometimes you walk and feel as though you have to hold your body down from floating away. Sometimes you walk and feel as though the next second you’ll drop to the ground. Sometimes you walk and watch the squirrels, the grackles, and the bugs.
Sometimes you don’t want to think about life’s challenges, let alone write about them; however, when you do write about life’s challenges, you realize that you are alive.