20-Something, Hipstercrite Life, Pop Culture, Writing

15 More Signs That You’re Almost 30

Did y’all see that Buzzfeed article yesterday called 30 Signs You’re Almost 30?

Reading signs such as “you’ve gone to a bar and left because it was too loud” and “there’s an increasing number of musical artists you haven’t heard of” brought me great comfort; I’ve learned that I’m not the only curmudgeonly, 80 year-old-feeling 30 year-old out there. Since Austin is Never Never Land for hipsters, I often feel like the odd woman out.

The Buzzfeed post gave me the confidence to share my own signs of turning 30 (and as you will be able to tell from #1, turning 30 child-less) . I hope you can relate.

If not, I’m going to go crawl underneath my recliner chair AND DIE.

baby sleeping
1.) Your mother tells you more and more often, “I don’t get it- you never wanted to nap this much as a child!”

game of thrones sexy
2.) Watching Games of Thrones is sometimes better than having real sex.

dudes in flip flops
3.) When you drive by college students, you find yourself saying things like, “Look at that stupid asshole and their asshole flip flops. I was never an asshole like them!” But you were.

woody allen
4.) You find yourself going to the doctor’s office more often because you finally realized your mortality.

5.) Gray hairs are no longer cute or fun to pick out and hold as a keepsake.

6.) You start moisturizing day AND night.

7.) Drinking at home seems so much easier and cheaper and that’s when you understand how people become alcoholics.

8.) Elastic everything.

Fleetwood Mac
9.) You first laugh, then question hope for the future when someone younger than you says they’ve never heard of Fleetwood Mac.

10.) You’re really going to start that IRA this year.

one piece bathing suit
11.) And we’re back to the one-piece bathing suit.

senior woman at the tennis court
12.) You realize that your legs are starting to look like you’re Great Aunt Stella’s. How can they possibly be this dry?!

old-fashioned underwear
13.) You’ve thrown away all your thongs for underwear that is higher than your pant waist.

14.) Because you realize your mortality and fear that everything can and will kill you, you stop wearing make-up, dying your hair or using aluminum-based deodorant. The last time you looked and smelled like this, you were a prepubescent teen.

15.) Your body makes a lot of gurgles, pops and cracks now. This makes you go to the doctor’s. A lot.

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  • Reply Chantelle July 11, 2013 at 9:45 am

    So true! This was as good as Buzzfeed’s list.

  • Reply ClevelandPoet July 17, 2013 at 10:49 am

    I always thought drinking at home was better…wait?

    as for their list:

    at 34 I still get carded a lot and my first thought is “great if they don’t card my wife too she’s gonna be mad at me.”

    and I was scared to check my credit score when I was in high school like the thought of having to later terrified me.

  • Reply Jessica July 30, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    #9- Le sigh…this is true. Especially when they don’t know who ‘insert great musician/band here’ is, but can sing all the words to Bubble Butt.

  • Reply Anabelle April 16, 2015 at 12:15 am

    This list sounds like it’s for the almost 80 sect. 30 is really young, guys, come on!

  • Reply Effi April 23, 2016 at 8:52 am

    This seems a bit exaggerated. (Please tell me it is!) 😀

    • Reply hipstercrite April 23, 2016 at 8:59 am

      Hi, Effi! I just reread my post to see if it was exaggerated. It’s not. 😉

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