Yesterday I wrote about beauty in the media and how we compare and contrast. I made a little footnote on Facebook that I still dig Zooey Deschanel’s peach fuzz ‘stache. It appeared that you did too. A lot. You freaky mo-fo’s.
Because of your fetish for the lady fuzz, I decided to write a post in honor of the female mustache. The womanly whiskers. The lip caterpillar. The Man Tickler. The Wo. The Frida. The Lady Grimley.
If you Google “Lady Mustache” or “Female Mustache” you don’t find a lot of appropriate photos (however, in that search you will find a picture of me as Freddie Mercury considered a facial hair “fail”), but you do find glossy magazine articles advising you on how to get rid of the pesky lip creature. Shave it, bleach it, wax it, rat trap it, stick your face in a boiling hot pot of water and scrape it off your face with a pumice rock. Everyone hatin’ on the lady ‘stache, but why?
Oh, because they’re fucking terrifying? Sure, I won’t argue with you there.
But let’s pretend they’re not. Let’s pretend we live in a society where facial hair on women and boobies on men are accepted. Let’s pretend that we live in a society that prays to the Lady of Stache. Let’s pretend that we live in a society where we look at women with mustaches as having something a little more than some extra testosterone. Because the truth is, every lady has a little ‘stache of their own- whether it be peach fuzz or more- and we’ve done our best to hide that little mother fucker like it’s the Watergate transcripts.
We live in a world where the female mustache is not accepted, yet legions of female hipsters with penis envy sport fakes ones every day- including myself. Why? Why are we so afraid to sport our own mustaches, but pose in exorbitant amount of photos with big fat fake ones glued to our faces?
I’m saying here, let us own and accept our facial hair!
Let’s honor and love woman mustaches!
And when I say “us”, I totally don’t include “me” in there. Fuck no will I ever grow that peach fuzz out.
If you need inspiration, check out these photos of famous and non-famous ladies rockin’ the ‘stache below. Good luck!