As most of you know- because I yaked on about it enough- I’m going as Freddie Mercury for Halloween.
I take dressing up very seriously.
Maybe even a little too seriously.
For some reason, I still believe that if I truly want to become someone, I will physically transform into them.
Imagine my disappointment when after dressing up as Freddie Mercury last night, I realized I’m still just a tiny white girl and not a large-toothed, hairball Parsi with the vocal cords of a God.
1.) I survived a visit to Austin’s favorite costume store- Lucy In Disguise With Diamonds–
to pick up my Freddie mustache, chest hair, spirit gum (adhesive), and spirit gum remover.
2.) I asked the employee if they sell chest hair and she handed me what looked like a stoner’s ratty chin braid. Once home, I unraveled the lock of hair to discover the left-overs of Alec Baldwin getting a full body shave.
3.) I could barely contain my excitement of donning chest hair later in the evening…
4.) But when I put it on, I realized that I looked like Robin Williams and I got scared.
4.) My excitement now deflated, I decided to move onto to the mustache. I trimmed it a little bit, then slopped on as much spirit gum as I could.
5.) Oh, dear God…
6.) I realized that I had to stop being a pussy…
7.) …And own Freddie Mercury.
Who am I kidding? I look like I ate Burt Reynolds circa 1972 and then regurgitated him all over myself.
What are you going as for Halloween?