Austin

Austin- Day 231 (A Love Letter)

Dear Austin,

We’ve been dating now for 231 days! 
I can’t believe it! 
Remember the day I showed up on your doorstep, a lost but eager child? My car was filled to the brim with only what I could carry. I had no job lined up, no friends to carry me through. I left behind the life I knew to take a chance on you, Austin, and it was worth it!

That day was the first time I ever laid eyes on you… and it was love at first sight.
That’s not to say there wasn’t a bumpy honeymoon. I often doubted my dedication to you, my mind was frequently tempted by my former flame, Los Angeles. L.A. would string me along, seduce me with her layered mystique and you’ve been patient with me, Austin. You’ve understood my complicated relationship with L.A. A love-hate tango that will probably never dance away. But you stuck by me and my love for you has grown stronger. Every day, you inspire me with your selfless ways and creative energy.
I’ve turned a blind eye to your flaws, just as you have to me. I forgive you for (more…)
May 22, 2009 by
Writing

My Kidneys Bring All the Boys to the Yard

Like most young people, I never give my urinary tract much thought.

Actually, I could give a crap about it.
I’m glad I can still have that attitude because when I’m sixty-something and it starts failing me, I will greatly give a shit about it.
I will realize it’s true importance only then when I’m sitting in a pool of my own piss confused as to how it got there.
My urinary tract has only come up in conversation twice and neither time by me.
Ok, that’s probably a lie.
More specifically, my kidneys have been mentioned by two separate strangers claiming they were physic. Once when I was 11 years old and walking through downtown Cortland, NY, the other when I was 22 and jogging down Venice Beach boardwalk. Both went out of their way to gravely tell me that something was wrong with my kidneys. Both times I ran crying in the other direction.
You see, I’ve never had problems with my kidneys. I also don’t necessarily believe in physics. I believe in being able to read people’s auras (more…)
May 6, 2009 by
Writing

Young Hearts be Free Tonight

So, I have this umm…friend.
She met this man that she really really likes.

Instead of actually telling him that when the opportunity presented itself, she decided to write about it in her blog instead.
Makes perfect sense, right?

“I like you.
I obviously have the emotional maturity of a gerbal that’s preventing me from telling you that.
It seems I’m only able to convey my feelings through texts, blog posts, and the occasional Facebook status update as of late.
That means that unless I grow some cognizant balls quickly, you will probably never know how I feel and walk away.”

What the hell happened to you, Lau-, I mean, Lorraine? What happened to the girl who made herself a badge once that said, “The #1 Most Self-Aware Person in the World”? The girl who champions communication! Why is it, that upon being asked what she wanted out of their frequent rendez-vous, she immediately did an impression of a deer caught in headlights and proceeded to zero in on the soup she was eating and exerting all energy (more…)

May 4, 2009 by
Writing

Damn You Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham!

I blame you for my warped view of love!

You’ve doomed me to believe that I’ll never know what real love is unless I have the urge to write 150 songs about some dude involving the words “angel”, “destiny”, “or crystal-something”. Of course he would have to write angry, less poetic, monosyllable songs attacking my character and talent. I would have to wear layers of billowy chiffon and a hairstyle that looks like a goose down pillow exploded on my head; he would have to have a huge 70’s white man ‘fro, wear chest hair embellishing v-necks with gold chains, and platform shoes though he’s already six feet tall. He would have to play the guitar with no pic and glare at me onstage when a lyric referred to me. I would twirl around a lot. We’d go do a line of coke, then go fuck backstage.
Yeah, that’s real love.
Fleetwood Mac’s reunion live show, “The Dance”, premiered when I was fourteen years old. I don’t recall listening to Fleetwood Mac before then but became transfixed when I saw (more…)
May 1, 2009 by
Writing

Unnamed Paragraph

Our intern, John, comes running past. 

“Quick! Rob is parking. Everyone hide!!!”

John is adorable in that rosy-cheeked-just-fell-off-the-bus-into-Los Angeles-and-hit-my-head-on-the-pavement kind of way. He is in his third year at journalism school and takes his job here very seriously. I’m sure he had three tasks today; stock the fridge, take out the mail, and be on the lookout for when Rob gets back from lunch. And I’m sure he accomplished all three with admirable conviction. 

My co-workers scramble under their desks in anticipation of saying “Surprise!”, which seems like a wasted effort to me as we’re all respectively engulfed by cubicle walls as it is. There are eight of us in the bull pen: Amy, our office manager and resident struggling actress, sits at the front door, Kyle, our style editor and resident struggling musician sits in cubicle number #1 a.k.a. “The Love Den”, Brad, our field writer and resident struggling screenwriter, sits in cubicle number #2 a.k.a. “Deathstar”, Ginger, (more…)

April 27, 2009 by
Writing

Letting the Days Go By


Shit, man! 

I just realized I ain’t a kid no mo! 

And it took a 1987 sing-along at the Alamo Drafthouse to notify me.
Though the Atari and Dunkin’ Donuts commercials gave me a good nostalgic beating last night, it was the first few seconds of George Michael’s “Faith” music video that pushed me down into my seat. My smile faded as I watched the black and white jukebox fade into a long tilt up the ripped jeans of our impeccably groomed hero. I imagined myself at four years-old, sitting on the living room carpet watching this man shake his finely sculpted ass back and forth and thinking, “Now that is what a man looks like” (could explain some of my dating problems).
It was at that moment I realized I was a long ways away from being a child anymore.
Up until that moment last night, I was movin’ and groovin’ to the créme de la créme of 1987 music videos. 
Michael Jackson’s “Bad”
White Snake’s “Here I Go Again” 
Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” 
After each song finished, our hearts would skip a beat (more…)
April 24, 2009 by
Austin

Heaven vs. Hell

What does heaven look like to you?

I always imagined that heaven looked like a big city filled with lush trees and crystal lakes, beautiful people riding bikes and hanging out at coffee shops, music drifting through the air, art being created around every corner, and a transgendered homeless man wearing a leopard print thong parading around downtown.
For all accounts, I have reached heaven. 
Austin is heavenly.
So why do I daydream about hell so often?
Hell being Los Angeles.
I don’t imply that it’s “hell” to live in Los Angeles, I allude to the Biblical sense- fire, brimstone, lost and torched souls, all that jazz. I’m convinced that the devil lives in the basement of the Chateau Marmont. I think I saw him getting a Bloody Mary at The Body Shop strip club before it mysteriously caught on fire in December.
I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell.
Austin, I need to be saved! 
Wipe these dirty daydreams of driving down the Sunset Strip at 2AM from my memory. Take away my longing for the cool Venice Beach (more…)
April 23, 2009 by
Writing

Today is National Bret Easton Ellis Day!

I just made that up.

Let’s just pretend it’s National Bret Easton Ellis Day.
Let’s devote this day, April 21st, some random, fairly forgetful day in the middle of April, to celebrate the life and work of Bret Easton Ellis, ok? How does that sound to you?
The cause for celebration is not only because of the April 24th release of Ellis’ THE INFORMERS (a movie that WILL NOT be debuting in Austin), but because of the news that Ellis has just completed his sequel to “Less Than Zero”!
MTV reports that the new book, entitled, “Imperial Bedrooms” (Ellis and his Elvis Costello obsession!), will be released May 2010 and will reaquaint us with Clay, Julian, Blair, and Rip now all twenty years older. Ellis is quoted as saying he’d be interested in having Robert Downey Jr., Andrew McCarthy, Jamie Gertz, and James Spader back to fill their roles (let’s pretend that 20th Century Fox didn’t kill off Julian in the movie). Ellis says that Julian’s character is now “sober” but “fragile” (glad to hear (more…)
April 21, 2009 by
Writing

Twitter Quitter

That’s what my dear friend Chris (the next adopted Weinstein Brother) said to me earlier today on AIM.

 “I’m thinking about quitting Twitter…which I guess would make me a Twitter Quitter.”

I think he’s onto something.
Though I opened a Twitter account over a year ago, it wasn’t until recently that I jumped on that 100 mile per hour Twitter Train. After a nausiating worldwhind, I’m now standing at the edge of the boxcar, looking down at the passing landscape, trying to find a safe place to land.
In addition to discovering the site shallow and mostly a “my dick is bigger than your’s” contest, I’ve managed to LOSE A FRIEND because of it’s insanity. I made a comment to a friend who was changing his status every two seconds that his “status updates are out of control!”. That led to him calling me a “bitch” and “pompous” and “defriending” me- in all areas of life. Why that provoked such anger, I don’t know. It’s safe to say that though Twitter is not the full problem in this matter, (more…)
April 20, 2009 by
Writing

Marfa, TX

 

The Marfa Film Festival is coming up on April 29-May 3rd (and Larry McMurtry will be there!)
What’s Marfa, Texas you ask? (native Texans roll their eyes)
Marfa is a tiny artist oasis deep in the desert of West Texas. Marfa has a population of a little over 2,000 residents and only two traditional hotels.
Why is a town of only 2,000 so popular? Well, after minimalist Donald Judd moved to Marfa in the early 70’s, the city has since become a popular haven for artists and hipsters. The city boasts a number of galleries and foundations and that perfect photo op of the vacant road median or big Texan sky reflection in your side view mirror.

The city’s charm was not left unnoticed by Hollywood either (of course not, Hollywood always has to whip out it’s dick and piss everywhere ) where movies such as GIANT, THERE WILL BE BLOOD, and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN were filmed.
And if you watch “Gossip Girl”, you might have noticed the Prada Marfa sign that hangs in Lily’s condo. (more…)
April 16, 2009 by