Hipstercrite Life

Survey: Should I have kids? Help me decide.


I’m getting to that age where I’m thinking about kids.

And it’s not baby fever. F that. (Though babies are kind of squishy and cute.)

It’s more like, “Shit, if I put this thing off for much longer, that kid is going to have senior citizen parents.”

My dude and I have talked about kids, slightly, and we both kind of feel the same way. We’re not against them, but they’re not high up on our lists of things to do.

They’re scary, man.

I like sleeping in on the weekends. I like my alone time. Every once in awhile, I like having a nightcap and a Purple Rain one-person dance party at the house. I think about death and dying every hour of the day- how could I produce spawn and not explode from anxiety? What happens is my kid gets sick? Will I fall apart? What will happen to my relationship with my kid’s dad? TELL ME!!!!

These are thoughts that swim through my head on a daily basis, and it makes the thought of having kids kind of TERRIFYING.

This is where you come in.

I need you to help me decide whether or not I should have kids. I made a survey. It’s called “Should I have children? A survey for moms and dads.”

Now, obviously I take this matter seriously, so I’m not using this survey as the sole deciding factor on whether or not I should bring life into this world. I just want to hear from my friends, family and acquaintances, anonymously, their thoughts on having kids. As I just mentioned, this ten-question survey is anonymous. There is no way for me, or anyone else, to know who completes the survey. YOU ARE SHAPING MY LIFE HERE, so don’t be afraid.

I’ll probably leave the survey up for a few days, and I will publish the findings later in the week or next week.

If you’d like to add any comments, please leave them down below!


Create your own user feedback survey

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  • Reply Janice Williams April 15, 2015 at 10:50 am

    I won’t answer the survey since I am now 56 and have never had children. I love my 2 nephews and have watched my sister and her husband raise them and cope well with parenthood. My advice is to not have children. We are forever grateful that we chose not to have kids. Like you, we were getting older (I married at 34) and thought we would have kids, but when I thought I was pregnant at one point, it was not joyous at all. We realized that we didn’t want them “now” and if not now, when? We decided we would opt out of raising children and we have never regretted it. We both agree that we would probably be divorced if we had had children. I am glad you are thinking about it seriously. It seems like most kids are just happening these days without lots of planning and thought. Good luck, either way!

    • Reply hipstercrite April 15, 2015 at 10:31 pm

      This is wonderful to hear! Thank you so much for sharing, Janice!

  • Reply Corrin April 15, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Answering as if this were my own personal decision…No. Unless I reach the point where I’m absolutely yearning to be a mother to the point where it moves me to tears, nothing will be growing hair and nails in my uterus.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 15, 2015 at 10:30 pm

      Hahaha. Well, when you put it that way!!!

  • Reply Eddie April 15, 2015 at 11:40 am

    Perhaps your first thought will be that I am from another generation and just don’t get how things have changed. In many, many ways that is absolutely true! But not in this one. What has not changed, ever, is that kids thrive when a mommy and a daddy are around full time. Both are non-negotiable participants in the process. Some women might be of the opinion that men are only sperm donors and should be dismissed after conception. Not true, just do the research.

    Is it possible for a child to survive into adulthood with one or the other parent? Sure, many have no choice. Kids deserve to have a committed mom and a committed dad, and as old fashioned as it might sound, the only way to assure both are in for the long haul is marriage. It is a public commitment, it is a financial commitment and it is a barrier around the family assuring the family survives.

    You are a thoughtful and intentional woman; your kids will turn out great! Have kids! Marry Geoff first! (Your guy is Geoff, isn’t it?)

    • Reply hipstercrite April 15, 2015 at 10:30 pm


      • Reply Eddie April 16, 2015 at 4:02 pm

        I got to thinking about this…indeed how easily the idea of marriage might be dismissed by a generation whose own parents couldn’t seem to keep it together half the time. At least my parents waited until the last kid was out of the house before they allowed their marriage to disintegrate. All of us are flawed, I get it. And with less social pressure to keep it together, why make any extra effort?

        For another project of mine I have been reading and re-reading Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.” Two strategies stand out in this baby or not, marry or not context. Sometimes a general would burn the bridges or boats behind them. Sometimes just prior to battle, the general would have his army break all their cooking pots. The idea behind both is that there is no going back. To the general’s army this means they better fight hard and move forward because backward is not an option. To the enemy this sends the message that the general’s army will fight desperately – like a cornered animal. Marriage is supposed to be like that; no going back, only a desperate fight ahead…and kids deserve to know it is that philosophy, that assurance, that holds them together as a family. Please don’t have kids if either you or Geoff don’t think this way.

        • Reply hipstercrite April 16, 2015 at 4:38 pm

          I come from divorced parents, so for me, marriage doesn’t hold a lot of weight. I also have a tremendous amount of friends and family members who are divorced. I also know a handful of people who had children out of wedlock, and they’ve been very successful as parents. With that all being said, I don’t disagree that being married is more advantageous than not when it comes to having kids. I don’t plan on having kids before marriage, but life is interesting. I try to go with the flow while making smart decisions… 🙂

  • Reply B April 15, 2015 at 11:51 am

    I’ve never heard a senior citizen say “I wish I had had kids when I was younger, it’s just such a bummer being old and settled and having time to take care of my kids.”

    I’ve also never heard someone who had kids when they were in their 30s say “I put my life on hold, and now my kids are grown up, and I feel lost, but it was worth it.”

  • Reply Deborah Campbell April 15, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    You forgot to poll those of us who never had children! That’s me. I tried and failed – naturally, IVF, adoption with birth mom backing out and surrogate. I really tried. BUT…..

    In the end I’ve been living a life without kids. I am not regretful or bereft. I love my travel. My time for myself, My time and relationships with other people’s kids.

    If you decide not to have kids, just decide that’s dandy & I am sure it will be.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 15, 2015 at 10:28 pm

      You know, you’re right. I think I directed the questions to moms and dads because I was curious about the physical and emotional challenges that parents go through. Labor and postpartum stuff. I want to know how challenging that stuff is!
      Thank you for sharing your perspective. It is great to hear from women who love their choice of living without kids! A big part of me feels that way, so it’s nice to hear.

      • Reply shelley April 16, 2015 at 12:26 am

        The truth is that even some of us who have had kids feel this way. If it’s not a huge burning desire you can’t live without and isn’t the VERY top of your priority list – BAR ANYTHING ELSE – Don’t do it.

      • Reply shelley April 16, 2015 at 12:28 am

        And p.s. the labor and postpartum stuff? That’s what you’re worried about? Seriously that’s the easy shit. No joke.

  • Reply Tim April 15, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    It’s a weird thing. It was ridiculously hard at first, and I had massive trouble getting over the lack of sleep. My wife was convinced we were going to get a divorce the first night with the baby. Although we moved through that and now I do all night-time child care. So it’s hard, and you’ll fail, but hopefully adapt and get better.

    Looking back if I could have skipped babies entirely and moved to toddlers I would have. Which I think was a problem both my wife and I had. We sort of saw birth as a goal or something that you completed. When it’s actually the beginning of something much bigger and harder – babies.

    But I’ve also learned a lot, and now that they’re in elementary school things are MUCH easier. I’ve also changed a lot and for the better.

    I don’t know how to recommend it to people, though, because I’ve seen people who I thought would be horrible parents completely rock it, and people I thought would be fantastic fall apart.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 15, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      Thanks for sharing, Tim!
      I appreciate your perspective. I imagine the first year of a child’s life is very hard for the parents, but I see so many moms posting baby photos asking for time to slow down. They want their kids to stay babies. But don’t they miss sleep?!

      • Reply Kate April 16, 2015 at 7:58 am

        @Tim – re: your line “My wife was convinced we were going to get a divorce the first night with the baby”…are you sure your not my husband with using a pseudonym of “Tim?”

        I miss sleep, but its not like I don’t get any. I could sleep 8+ hours a night, but with everything going on – chores, fun activities, or the gym – I usually get 6 or so. My husband and I swap days on the weekend of sleeping in. And he lets me nap when I want on the weekends 🙂

        • Reply hipstercrite April 16, 2015 at 4:40 pm

          6 is ok! I’d love 7! 🙂

  • Reply Kate April 15, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    First time checking out your blog and page, as a friend of mine liked this story and it popped up on my feed. Anyway, your post spoke to me circa-2012, and I answered your survey questions…but I feel moved to share more.

    Bottom line, as you know, only YOU can make the decision “kid or no kid,” and don’t let society pressures sway you one way…or the other. That said, I was scared shitless taking the plunge to become a mom, my life’s biggest fear was being pregnant and giving birth (although I freaking rocked the whole thing), and everyday, I have a little anxiety about some freak thing happening to my child.

    Before she was born, and hell, for the first 3 months she was here, I questioned whether we made the right decision. I can tell you, with absolute 100% certainty, we did.

    Things will fall to the wayside, like sleeping in every weekend, leaisurely meals with friends, and extra spending money. Certain things will be harder and more stressful. Your relationship may struggle on the lack of sleep from the first several months, but it all gets easier, and better. One side effect – I laugh more (either with or at my kid and her crazy antics, or at the crazy situations I get myself into with my kid) than at any other time in my life.

    Don’t worry about age. But also remember, there is never a “right time” in life. I can write forever on this, I don’t want to bore you to death (and I need to do some work too). Good Luck in your decision and can’t wait to see the results!

    • Reply hipstercrite April 15, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Your story definitely didn’t bore me. It was true and very refreshing.

  • Reply Jennifer April 15, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    I had my daughter when I was 40. I always knew I wanted to have a kid, but it just didn’t happen for me until later than most. It COMPLETELY upended my life in a way I never imagined, but it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 15, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      That is so great to hear! Thank you for sharing!

  • Reply carissajade April 15, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    I obvs am not a parent, so am not taking the survey-but I’m interested in the results. I’m in the exact place you are. I’m 32 years old. I’m not against kids. I don’t really think about them often. I know I’m selfish right now. I also don’t really want to regret it later. Bah. Life, so confusing.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 15, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      Life IS confusing. It’s hard enough getting through your 20s. Then your 30s hit, and it’s like, “Oh shit. Life.”
      I’ll definitely post the results soon.

  • Reply Nicole B. April 15, 2015 at 11:13 pm

    I think it would be hard to be a parent unless you are “all in”. But, if you decide to go for it, you won’t really have the choice 🙂

    I always wanted kids and stopped after one because I just didn’t think I could live through the whole infant stage again. I love to sleep, travel and be out of the house, and I wasn’t prepared to quit my job and live a much more home-bound life than I was used to. Nine years later, and I think I’m still finding myself again, but thank goodness I can at least sleep in.

    I’m definitely happy with the way things are, and having an older kid definitely rocks. Some parents are really good at the taking-their-kid-everywhere, starting when the baby is super little, but I just wasn’t able to pull that off.

    You will be fine, of course, whatever you decide.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 17, 2015 at 10:29 am

      Thank you, Nicole.

  • Reply Ash April 15, 2015 at 11:28 pm

    if you are asking you are interested is the way I see it. Kids 100% change your life-for bad/for good. I wasn’t planning my first but I feel forever lucky to have her even when she is driving my crazy. And I had her on my own. With the choices I made bc of her I met my husband and we have another child-who I kiss too much and cry about the same amount bc he too drives me crazy. For me-life is this amazing ride and you just have to decide if you want to get on it with little pieces of you and your guy or just go at it together. You will never sleep the same but you will never regret waking up to your 3 year old son curled up next to you on one side and your 6 year daughter on the other. The love you feel is like nothing that anyone can ever describe.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 17, 2015 at 10:31 am

      <3 That's so wonderful to hear, Ash.

  • Reply shelley April 16, 2015 at 12:17 am

    I’ll take your survey, but I will also say that if having kids is not way up on your “list of priorities” then don’t. EVEN if it’s way up there it is so so hard and changes your life forever. Yes in many good ways too but bottom line: unless you are absolutely compelled in a way you can’t ignore, don’t do it. It’s not a life goal, “Well it’s snore haven’t done that yet, let’s try it” to be ticked off by a certain age.

    • Reply shelley April 16, 2015 at 12:20 am

      I meant SOMETHING I haven’t done yet. Feel free to edit.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 17, 2015 at 10:31 am

      Hmmm….very interesting to think about. Thanks, Shelley.

  • Reply Kristin Shaw April 16, 2015 at 12:21 am

    I had a son at age 39, and it was hard. I had really, really bad morning sickness that lasted all day, I had gestational diabetes, and I had postpartum anxiety that was terrifying. I had a corporate job I loved and used to travel internationally, and I started to hate it when my son was born. BUT having my son is, hands down, no question, the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. He is the coolest kid and watching him grow up is a miracle. The first year is hard. Like, really hard. But if you are honest and open and have a good support network, you will get through it. We decided after one that one kid was all we needed, and we didn’t want to go through all of that hard stuff again on the pregnancy side, but he is worth it all. Good luck! (BTW, 5 is a magical and fun age. Preschool aged-kids are so fun).

  • Reply Kristin Shaw April 16, 2015 at 12:24 am

    I read my comment and decided that it sounded way too negative for how I really feel NOW. I mean, yes, the pregnancy part was hard for me, but it’s not that way for everyone. And not everyone gets postpartum anxiety/ depression, so I would pray that you would not.
    Having a child means that I get to be a kid all over again. I love watching my husband with him – they are so cute together – and I love snuggling with this little boy. It really is magic. I never for a second regretted having a kid even through all of the hard parts, because it has given my life new life.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 17, 2015 at 10:35 am

      It didn’t sound negative to me. It sounded real, which I really, really appreciate. I think so many people are afraid to talk about the tough stuff sometimes.

  • Reply Brenda April 16, 2015 at 7:23 am

    Being a mom is the best job I have ever had! It has made my life so much better! The love for your child is stronger and like no other you can ever experience. Being able to live through all your child’s “firsts” is like seeing everything in world with new eyes and it is the most awesome re-awakening.
    It is fun to network with other parents going through the same growth changes with their kids and be able to laugh about the things you can see now are quite common. As time goes on, you find you have life-long friends and extended families.
    I have helped my beautiful daughter through several bumps along her road of life. Now she is doing the same for me and I so appreciate it. I must say she has always been my biggest cheerleader!
    Having a kid does change your life but only for the better! Love them, make them feel safe with comfort and consistancy, encourage them to do their best and be kind. Teach them to never allow anyone make them feel bad about themselves for doing just that.
    My beautiful daughter is my joy and my strength! I have always been proud of her! She has turned into the most amazing woman and I can’t imagine my life without her.
    I think she would be a wonderful mother!

    • Reply hipstercrite April 16, 2015 at 4:41 pm

      My wonderful mother,
      Thank you for this. I read it this morning and texted you because it made me so happy. I love you, Mom. So much. I’m glad you believe in me!

  • Reply Brenda April 16, 2015 at 7:24 am

    I forgot to mention Lauren is my daughter

  • Reply Daynya April 16, 2015 at 8:25 am

    I am so excited to hear how your survey turns out, as this is something I too am struggling with. I have been debating and going back and forth for a few years now, and now I am 34, and feeling the pressure. I even took an online course in self exploration to help you figure out if you want to have a child. I came out of that leaning more towards giving it a shot, but 2 years have passed since then, and they have been extremely trying years for me. So it all had to be put on the back burner, and now I’m scared to even try! Adulthood is the worst sometimes!

    • Reply hipstercrite April 16, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      I didn’t know they had such courses! Interesting…
      I will be posting the results soon. Hopefully they will be insightful.
      In some ways the results have made me feel better, and in some ways worse…

  • Reply Molly April 16, 2015 at 9:59 am

    I couldn’t find the link to the survey itself so I’ll be leaving a comment. I am a mother of two young boys and still figuring things out along the way. Full disclosure: I have birth to the second one yesterday. Nursing him as I type. So… I’m riding pretty high on the endorphin and dopamine train right now. Take anything I post with a grain of salt, today or if I retract in the future. I wouldn’t dream of advising you one way or the other. Lauren, you are thoughtful, introspective and thoroughly in touch with what you know and feel. My gut tells me you already know (consciously or as yet, subconsciously) what your decision will be. I want to point out two things, though. One: your mother’s comments are so beautiful and touching, I don’t see how you could miss the mark on mothering with an example like her. Soley based on hers and your grandmother’s capacity as a mother, beauty and wisdom, you already have the essential foundations of being a wonderful mother. It’s your heritage. Two: in junior high school I was really wrong about a topic that I didn’t know a lot about. I was raised Catholic and hadn’t yet questioned or seriously given thought to any catholic teaching. I was still at the age where I swallowed it whole. (Still a practicing Catholic, btw, just more of the “cafeteria-style) You, Lauren Modery, changed my life and way of thinking when you spoke up to me when I said plainly ignorant things about gay people in health class. Imagine your child doing the same because of how you will teach her. It will be a beautiful thing. And the world and some other dummies in class will be better for it. Lastly, and because I couldn’t just stick to two things… I love my husband so much more as I watch him raise our children. I honor and respect him and feel love so much more deeply for him and our boys. Parenting is so hard. It is tiring. But if you decide to go for it, you will love it. Your lives will be richer for it. Have a kid dammit! (Whoops, blame the hormones! I ended up advising!)

    • Reply hipstercrite April 16, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      You brought tears to my eyes.
      First of all- CONGRATULATIONS! Samuel is beautiful. Your whole family is beautiful! Motherhood suits you so well, and it’s so wonderful to see!
      Thank you for your unbelievably sweet comments. I don’t have the words to describe how much I appreciate them.

  • Reply Hollyann April 16, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    To be completely honest, my first kiddo wasn’t planned and his father and I weren’t and aren’t together, so that made things quite a bit more complicated, but I was 29 when I found out I was pregnant and 30 when he was born so I was old enough to make the choice to do it on my own and know I could do it. I was always kind of a free-spirit/mess of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, childfree and loving it, kind of person before having my first son. Having my son completely changed the way I lived. As a single mom, everything came down to me figuring out how to be resourceful enough to get what he needed and figuring out how to deal with losing my lifestyle and the friends that were in it while watching his dad continue carrying on as before like nothing was different in his life. That was hard, but it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I changed my life for the better and distilled it into something worth living. Quality versus quantity goes for everything now.

    Flash-forward to kiddo 2 (six weeks old, today). I just turned 36. I’m now married to the love of my life, but we didn’t really decide to get married before we’d bought a house together and decided to stop trying not to have any kids and discovered two weeks later that for us, not not-trying = pregnant. We joke that we did everything backwards except dating. My partner is amazing and patient, and honestly, even though pregnancy SUCKS (especially the older you get), and delivering with no pain meds SUCKS (epidurals are expensive and scary to me and I’m a little bit of a control freak), once a physical pain is over, you don’t feel it anymore and it’s hard to remember, unlike emotional pain which can feel like it lasts forever sometimes. 🙂 My partner changes most of the diapers when he’s home and he has made me breakfast (eggs and bacon and fruit and toast) almost every morning since about halfway through my pregnancy. Honestly, with a partner like him I could imagine having more than two kids when I NEVER saw myself as that kind of person before.

    Honestly, kids are disgusting: boogers, poops, pees, burps and farts and barfs, capital N, Nasty. However, if you can keep your wits about you and your sense of humor alive, parenthood is a terrific ride that only gets more interesting as you go along. For my 6 year old, over the years I’ve had to answer all kinds of existential questions and we do a lot of research using Youtube and Wikipedia and whatnot on a regular basis, but it’s fun if you remember to breathe. Also, something that people don’t always talk about but I’ve found true for myself and a few others: I’ve had to work through a lot of my own childhood issues while learning to be and trying to be the best mom I can for my kiddos. My life’s journey to being a better person and figuring out what I’m meant to do and be hasn’t stopped, if anything, it’s gained momentum. I love being a mom and maybe you will, too. 🙂

    • Reply hipstercrite April 16, 2015 at 4:32 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing your story!
      You shared it so eloquently. If I ever have kids, I hope to be as strong and thoughtful as you!

  • Reply irena April 16, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    i took a survey last night, but it was haunting me today, because there is more than just these questions to answer. i am 32 and i’ve been in a relationship for eight years before the kid. and first two years were long distance, since i was studying abroad. we’re not married and not planning. the baby is now 13 months old. for me the pregnancy was awesome. i am a reserved person, an artist, i love solitude and the pregnancy was 9 months of partay. i mean – i was sick for about four months, but it was not that hard. the thing was i was drowning in oestrogen, i became super sociable and even planned my first ever stand up that never happened (thank god!!). i bought all fake gold that i possibly could, i even bought fake fur and walked around looking like pregnant glam gorilla. i felt amazing and pretty.
    the physical pain at delivery was not that much drama, but come to think – i might have higher threshold for pain. also – in my country, we have a ‘school for parents’ and they really gave us useful informations. and i knew that everyone in delivery room was worrying about the baby and i worked on breathing, other things were more like natural to me – i knew when to push just like i know when to sneeze. breathing on the other hand relieves the muscles and more you breathe, more ‘relaxed’ your muscles are, less pain. and for the record – i didn’t not get any medication – i am terrified of even thinking about epidural and my delivery went on too fast, so they ‘missed’ all the moments of giving me medications, so at the end i was on the laughing gas, which does not serves its name. it tasted sweet and it made me feel sea sick. everything went fine and she was delivered in total 20 hours (from first contractions on), 4 hours in delivery room.
    i was 3 days in hospital and it was all fine, but the drama began after we came home. the beginning of era of being overly sympathetic. i had huge panic attack for a week and could not stop crying for 10 days. or more like – mood swings were pretty heavy. at the time she was born, there was malaysia plane crashing near australia and i felt sorry for all other mothers that ever lost a child or had a baby with genetical defect. i cried when i couldn’t get out of bed to pee, because she’d cry too, because i was gone. i cried because he remember to buy grapolo tomatoes, and not just first ones he sees. you see – some things were pointless, but ment so much to me. i cried watching commercials, listening to the radio. i could only listen to (the performer) owen, since his lyrics are cynical and it didn’t make me cry. i felt like shit. i was thinking about ways she could die, because i was clumsy and did not know how to deal with babies. for first six months i felt like i made a mistake. i didn’t feel the love for the baby, not like i love her now, for that period of the time and i was scared of it and scared to tell it out loud. i had no one around, since my mum had an operation and i didn’t want anyone else. i felt incompetent to be a mother. plus my baby love(s)d breastfeeding to the point she never wanted to let it go, didn’t want a pacifier or a bottle, so i had bobbies out for hours. my boyfriend got the 15 days of parental leave, but he was basically working, because they had a chaotic period at work and he was working there for few months only. and we live far from our friends, since we moved because we got better jobs in other city. i called my childhood friend just so i could sob into the phone and she’d repeat: ‘this is normal, this is okay, it will pass’. i was tired, sore nipples, emotionally exhausted, no time for me. when i had my own time, i would just feel bad for wanting to have time for myself.
    not to mention that you gain new hobbies, like incontinence. or the period for at least a month after the delivery (only month if you are mega lucky). or just saggy body.
    she was so fragile and i just hated first three months, when you have to hold baby’s head. but she was a calm and great baby and looked like she was the only one who was okay with the situation.
    i think that the depression (baby blues? yeah, lemme grab my bass) lasted for six months and full body recovery for a year (i hear – if you’re lucky). but i am grateful for the experience, i really am. i can understand now and maybe help others with what i know. there is not one thing that happened to me, that i would appreciate more than this mess of a year or two. i have no idea what is the best age for babies, i suppose it always hits you like a wrecking ball. i am not veteran mom or anything, but it is getting better. i am more confident, life is not that messy as it was. i still feel shitty when people try to tell me my approach isn’t common, but i guess this is just ‘current mood’ until forever. i loved the moment when she crawled for the first time, when she started eating with a spoon, when she walked. she babbles too, but it is loud and sounds demanding, so we call her general. she gives kisses with open mouth and loves animals so much. i can’t wait until she’s teen and starts hating me, too.
    i have no clue if i wanted a child, knowing all the facts, but i can go to a survivor camp right now, i’ve been trained by a baby!!! plus, i can kill a bear with my hands now, i lift a child bazzillion times a day. is my life better with her? it is different, but i like it. i had different plans with what i’ll do when i’m 32, but i’m glad i am forced to wake up at 7am every morning.

    this respond is just incredibly too long and partly pathetic and i am sorry.
    whatever you choose, it will be your life and experience. it will be the best and yours only.
    i wish you all the best!

    p.s.: this blog (scarymommy.com) is an answer for all your questions.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 17, 2015 at 10:41 am

      Do you write a blog yourself? I really enjoyed reading your comment. Thank you for being so honest. Even as a non-mom, I really related to your writing!

  • Reply Mary April 16, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    i don’t have kids and I’m still young but I’ll tell you what my mom has said. She told me that my pain is her pain and that the number one person in her life isn’t herself anymore it’s her children and that we give her purpose and meaning in an otherwise routine life. So needless to say I have the greatest amount of respect and love for my mom and I think that bond is something worth exploring.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 17, 2015 at 10:42 am

      My mom has says something similar. I think the bond between a parent and child is probably like no other!

  • Reply Katie April 16, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    Hi Lauren!
    It will be interesting to see how the survey turns out, but as everyone else commented, it will ultimately have to be up to you and your guy.
    I am a mom of two and I can tell you that those pregnancies and child births were very different, but ultimately led to two beautiful human beings, inside and out. I can’t imagine not having them in our lives. They have taught me how to be silly and to sometimes truly disconnect from the always online world.
    However, from the beginning, I have been sure to make time for myself and my hobbies/well being. I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom (even though I applaud the moms that are.) While children…especially the first years…can change your life and be nearly all consuming, you can keep your identity. Promise.

    • Reply hipstercrite April 17, 2015 at 10:43 am

      That’s so good to hear. Thank you!

  • Reply toni April 17, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    I really enjoyed this article! I am in a similar situation although for me recently at least I feel like its hormonal battle I am fighting. Half of the month I am convinced I want a child, and the other half I have zero interest. Ultimately I know I do want kids, just maybe not just yet but those crazy hormones really are a little scary!
    I liked the comment above to follow your gut.

  • Reply Mad Betty April 17, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    I’ve always been envious of those people who were just SO SURE that they were meant to have kids, get married, take a job, buy a house, whatever. So many of us just fall into these huge commitments, rather than intentionally choosing them. But maybe there’s no wrong way and those of us who just roll with the punches end up just as fulfilled. And I think that happiness can lie in taking either path, children or not. You will go on to do great things either way, Lauren. (For what it’s worth, you’re exactly the type of person who should be procreating and passing on intelligent, beautiful, kind genes. We can’t let the world only repopulate with Kardashians and Duggars, right?)

  • Reply Jen April 26, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    At some point in my life, I want to have kids. (I’m 32 and not married yet), but my parents and younger sister say that I shouldn’t have kids. That I would be unfit to take care of them. That they are a lot of work. Well duh! If I can take care of my several animals, I can certainty take care of a kid. Maybe possibly just one.

  • Reply Adria May 19, 2015 at 12:48 am

    Oh, Lauren! You know I can relate to this because I recommended that book to you (I found out about her after reading part of the essay about childlessness in The New Yorker), so I have to weigh in. I don’t know. I waver myself and think about this a lot. Ultimately, I think you know. I think we all just KNOW.

    I have little experience being that I’m only just almost 29 and once again very single, BUT I can tell you that my parents didn’t think they wanted kids and they’ve been the most amazing parents anyone could ask for. Their dedication to the three of us (and honestly, my Dad would rather watch my brother play baseball than ANYTHING else in the world) is amazing. On that note, I can’t imagine giving myself up to that extent to someone else. I teach gymnastics to young kids now and they’re exhausting after an hour…hell, after twenty minutes, but when they hug you and tell you that you’ve changed their mind/outlook/cured them of their fear of going upside-down or whatever its REALLY worth the hassle. I can only imagine if they were my own.

    I think the decision to be childless is entirely personal and I agree with some of the other commenters that you shouldn’t do it unless you really want to, however, the world needs smart, motivated, amazing people like you to make babies. Not saying you have to, but we need more informed people making DECISIONS to have kids. You’ll be great either way…life is really amazing if you look in the dark corners and find the good stuff…and you can do that with babies, too, I think. I’m pretty sure they can help you find the good stuff.

  • Reply Survey: Why Did You Decide Not to Have Children? June 17, 2015 at 11:26 am

    […] couple of months back, I posted a survey asking moms and dads why they had children. The survey stemmed from my own confusion and stress as […]

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