Activity trackers have been all the rage in 2014, and arguably no device has received such wide acclaim as the Fitbit. For many, the Fitbit, which comes in the form of a clip or wristband, has become a form of obsession. Once you’ve joined the Cult of Fitbitdom, there is no turning back. You take it with you everywhere you go, and you’ve found yourself becoming the health nut you typically despise. It’s ok though; you’re not alone. Millions of people have become just as annoying as you and I.
I love my Fitbit. I named it Harry. He likes going on long walks. Sometimes he says “Bonjour, Lauren!” and I giggle. I LOVE HARRY.
If you’re wondering whether or not your Fitbit has taken control of your life, here is a quick checklist.
1.) You are often asked the question: “Do you have to pee or something?”
2.) You know that you’ve become that asshole who walks in place at work, but you’re ok with it. You’re ok with the stares BECAUSE EVERYONE WITHOUT A FITBIT WILL DEVELOP HIGH CHOLESTEROL.
2.) You’re afraid to be away from your Fitbit, and you’ve found creative ways to bring it along on swimming, showering or sexy-time adventures (two of these adventures involves a Ziploc bag).
3.) You silently judge your friends who are under 50,000 steps on the leaderboard.
4.) You not-so-silently curse your friends who are beating you on the leaderboard. AND YOU DON’T CARE IF THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE ARE GETTING HEALTHY, YOU WANT TO BE BETTER THAN THEM.
5.) You hate the friend that Fitbit has made you.
6.) When you don’t make your daily goals, you feel like taking a spatula, smacking yourself on the back and shouting, “I AM A FAILURE. I WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING. I WILL DEVELOP HIGH CHOLESTEROL. ”
7.) If you’ve left your Fitbit home for the day, you might as well give up on life.
8.) If you spot someone else wearing a Fibit, you whip out your little ‘Bit and ask the person if they want to be your friend. Out of context this encounter could be seen as illegal.
9.) You check your Fitbit more often than you check your phone, which is more often than interacting with real human beings.
10.) You feel like a new age prophet, sharing the gospel of how Fitbit saved your life to every person who will listen.