Austin, Pop Culture

10 Reasons Why Austin Should Secede From Texas

As you may know, some individuals in our beloved state of Texas are petitioning to secede from the union. As of now there are over 100,000 signatures for Texas to go rogue.

Well, Austin has decided to one-up Texas and start a petition to secede from the state and join the union.

Hey, I love Texas as much as the next person, but if some of y’all are going to be a bunch of boobs, why not secede from Texas?

Below are the top ten reasons why Austin should become its own state.

And P.S., to all you Texans outside of Austin reading this, I very much love this state I live in (except for the majority of its politics) and this is all in good fun. Please don’t stone me.

 

10 Reasons Why Austin Should Secede From Texas

1.) We will no longer be referred to as “A blue dot in a red state”, but rather “A blue state in a red whatever the hell you are now”

2.) No longer under the tyranny of Governor Rick Perry, we can finally elect Lloyd Doggett as governor of Austin.

3.) When traveling outside of Texas and people express shock that you live there, you no longer have to explain to them that “Austin is not Texas” because they already know that.

4.) We will build a Planned Parenthood every two miles within the city limits.

5.) We will give health care to our working musicians (oh wait, we already do that).

6.) Since Austin will become its own state, Jetblue will finally feel obligated to actually offer flight sales.

7.) We will become the smallest state in the union and therefore the cutest.

8.) We will have achieved what New York City has never been able to do.

9.) Marijuana will not only be legal in the state of Austin, but it will become the official state plant.

10.) The only “voluntary deportation” Austin will be doing is Republicans back to Williamson County.

 

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15 Comments

  • Reply Nicole November 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Brilliant! As a native Austinite (yes, there are still a few of us), I concur!

    • Reply hipstercrite November 21, 2012 at 12:18 am

      😀 Thanks for reading!!!

  • Reply Omar November 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    I am in Havana, Cuba after living in Austin for 5 years, it is nice and hot here but I am not having fun. Your post made me smile. I miss that beautiful city. I have “Keep Austin Weird” on my Peugeot. I will send you a picture of it in the middle of Old Havana.

    • Reply hipstercrite November 21, 2012 at 12:17 am

      Havana sounds quite beautiful and interesting though! Yes, send me a pic!

  • Reply Gregg November 18, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Amen

    • Reply hipstercrite November 21, 2012 at 12:16 am

      😀

  • Reply brown November 19, 2012 at 1:14 am

    …so it’d be like a Berlin Wall scenario, only built with wittily spaced sarcasm, appropriately ripped jeans and out dated iphone 3.

    • Reply hipstercrite November 21, 2012 at 12:16 am

      That sounds like Berlin now.

  • Reply Cathy Benavides November 19, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Heh, this is awesome! I always say that if Austin secedes from Texas, we’ll totally take refugees from Texas. We can temporarily house them in the many condos that are being built.

    • Reply hipstercrite November 21, 2012 at 12:14 am

      Hee hee! On a side note- Happy Thanksgiving, my dear! Hope you have a great one with your family!

  • Reply Caleb M. November 19, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    #7 Hahah. I agree whole heartedly with most of these!

    • Reply hipstercrite November 21, 2012 at 12:12 am

      😀 Thanks for reading!

  • Reply Tooth fairy December 4, 2012 at 3:11 am

    I’m a Texan who will be forever proud of her home state even though I now reside in the NW. God bless Austin and from it a voice of reason. My friends here in the NW look at me rather perplexed and ask, “WTF is going on down there?” and I can only reply, “it’s a Texas thing – you wouldn’t understand”.
    Thanks for your Top Ten list. I’ll share it with my rational thinking friends still residing in the Lone Star state and up here in this neck of the woods!!

    • Reply hipstercrite December 4, 2012 at 10:57 am

      Hey! Thanks for stopping by!

  • Reply Jason June 24, 2013 at 8:09 am

    I support Texas secession and would absolutely allow Austin to secede. It would be cool. Austin is a much better city-state than DC. We would protect you for sure, but we must be allowed to visit the food trucks on So-co without any undue tariffs. I think this could work.

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