Fashion/Design, Hipstercrite Life

What Happens in New Orleans, Stays in New Orleans

Last week I lost twelve hours of my life. Those twelve hours were spent throwing up what looked like a mangled midget, but was instead jambalaya and one Pat O’Brien’s Hurricane.

I’m not much of a drinker (except for when I was 22 and drank myself to sleep on a regular basis and wrote emo diary entries about how no one loved me), but wanted to participate in the intoxicated fun of New Orleans’ Bourbon Street on my first visit to the magical city with my mother and our friend Margie. Each of us indulged in a Hurricane in the romantic courtyard of Pat O’Briens and enjoyed a pre-Fall evening in the jovial atmosphere of the French Quarter. We got tipsy, but no one was fall down drunk. We come from a lineage of non-drinkers and all my mother can handle is a few sips before falling into a giggle fit, then sleep.

We traversed the relatively tame crowd of Bourbon Street back to our hotel in the Warehouse District. Last week, the city was full of middle-aged men with pot bellies and polo shirts for a waste water convention. Needless to say, we were barely accosted with beads or invitations to drink. Granted, I was dressed like Mr. Rogers, so that probability of having cheap plastic beads smacking my face from high above was highly unlikely.

At the hotel, we all fell into a blissful sleep, but somewhere around 5:30AM I woke up to a gnawing sensation in my stomach. Knowing full well what that feeling was, I tried to will the want to throw up away by drinking lots of water. Big mistake. For the next four hours, I threw up every fifteen minutes. I threw up so much that I pulled muscles in my stomach and back. Even as of today, my body feels like it had trained for a marathon. I had never thrown up so much in my life.

I was ready to give up on life last week as I laid on the bathroom floor and tried to mute my gagging noises so I didn’t wake my roommates. There is something comical about having your worst drunken night at the age of 29 in the hotel room you are sharing with your mother, but that humor was lost upon me as I stared at the ceiling asking God, “Why?”

I’m still not sure what caused me to get so sick. It could have been the Kool-Aid sweetness of the drink, the fact that one Hurricane is actually three drinks, that I hadn’t eaten since 3PM or the fact that I hadn’t had a drink in several weeks.

So why the hell am I telling you all of this? It’s a cautionary tale about New Orleans.

Listen folks, don’t drink Hurricanes. They’re evil. They will take your insides and rip them out and throw them against the wall. They will make you barter your first born child to the devil.

On a side note, here is classy a photo of my mother at Pat O’Briens back in the 70s, and below it, a photo of me at the same place. I am definitely my mother’s daughter.


Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like


  • Reply Ivan Toblog October 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I vaguely remember being at Pat O’Brien’s and attempting to steal the glass the Hurricane was served in. Only to find the price of the glass was included in the price of the drink and they would happily provide a box for the glass
    …burst my bubble

    • Reply hipstercrite October 8, 2012 at 4:10 pm

      HA! That is hysterical.

  • Reply Christine from FLY FISH CHICK October 8, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    oh my gosh that is the WORST feeling! I’m so sorry that happened, but the post is very entertaining. GREAT pics of your mom then you at Pat O’s…hopefully your next trip to new orleans won’t lay you out on the bathroom floor

    it’s such a great city, one of my all time favorites…

    • Reply hipstercrite October 8, 2012 at 4:10 pm

      thanks, christine! i made sure that hurricane didn’t keep me down! i promptly went to cafe du monde after i finished throwing up! hahaha. it IS such a great city. i can’t wait to go back!

  • Reply KeLLy aNN October 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    and you didn’t let me know? sniffle sniffle.

    Did you at least make it around the quarter to some of the many quirky shoppes there?
    No Santa’s Quarters?
    the French Market, where our favorite mime Mr. Silver is?
    Frenchmen Street?

    On a brighter note,
    Now I’m gonna laugh every time I walk past
    Pat O’s!

    • Reply hipstercrite October 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

      I thought of you several times while I was there! It was a super quick trip with my fam, so that’s why I didn’t reach out. I hope to come back very soon! I will definitely keep you posted!

  • Reply Chris Kelley October 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    “Throwing up a mangled midget?” OMG, you just made my past hangovers (and any future ones, God forbid) much funner. Brilliant.

  • Reply Brock October 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

    In that picture of your mother, she kinda looks like Scarlett Johansson I think.

    • Reply hipstercrite October 18, 2012 at 12:12 pm

      I will tell her you said that! She will like that!

  • Reply George April 12, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    OMG. Do you know the man in the photo with your mom? That looks exactly like Phillip Clark, the man immortalized in the song ‘A Pirate Looks At 40’. He was a legendary drug smuggler & man of leisure, among other things, back in the day around the Gulf and down in the Keys. Very few photos of him, so this is very rare. Amazing!

    • Reply hipstercrite April 12, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      I just looked up Phil Clark and they do look the same! However, do you think he would be in New Orleans in the mid-70s and the man in my photo looks a little younger than the photos I see of Phil Clark. Thoughts?

  • Reply George April 12, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    I believe it’s him. And I think it would completely natural for him to be in New Orleans sitting in a bar with a pretty lady, too. The shape of the nose, the texture & shape of the beard and the eyes all match with the 2 photos I have of him. His head is even tilted the same way in all 3 photos. Guess the only thing to do now is track down Jimmy Buffett, he’ll know for sure if it’s Phil Clark.

    The real intrigue lays in the question, what the heck is your mom doing in a bar with Phil Clark!?!? This whole thing has made my afternoon. Thanks!

  • Leave a Reply