Hipstercrite Life

A Letter to the Man Who Should Not Read My Blog, But Does Anyways

I wondered if you even existed when I would see a couple on the street.

At the rate I was going, it didn’t seem like I would come to meet you.

You were an elusive figure.

Someone I was left to writing about. A stranger I was to meet on a subway in a big city and discuss metropolitan topics with such as David Byrne and top hats. You were the fictional love interest to my semi-autobiographical, slightly solitary female protagonist. Existing only in words on the paper. But one day you materialized, in the form of a sandy-colored cowboy, and instead of meeting on a subway, we met at an eastside watering hole.

We talked about David Byrne and top hats.

In our relatively small gestation period, I have come to feel that I’ve known you forever. Maybe it’s because you were a character I constructed, or maybe it’s because you and I are reassuringly similar. That the traits I’ve grown to understand about myself over the past 28 years are akin to the ones you share. When you randomly buy a 1980’s sleeveless denim vest, I understand why and when you wear it, there is no one more beautiful. No one more confident in the person he is and the unique interests he cultivates. I hope that never changes.

Certain I was that you were not real. That at one point you’d wake from the illusion that you created about me and decide to move on. But each morning I’d wake to discover you holding my hand stronger and stronger. You’ve let me cry. You’ve let me be angry. You’ve let me be indecisive. You’ve let me be human, a woman, and myself. Those are truths you should not thank me for, you say. But I do. Something that may be a given to you is not always common in others. To accept someone for who they are is a aberrant attribute it seems.

Or maybe you just like me.

I fall asleep frequently on your extra-long, green mid-century couch, it’s true. With all my anxieties of experiencing something that is new, something so once seemingly unobtainable, I drift into unconsciousness because I feel safe. Held. There is no place more comforting. I trail off to the sound of your feet walking across the concrete floor or fingers typing on the keys. A harmony that I hold onto knowing that you are there and you’ve shown that you are not going anywhere. Your smile is always waiting for me when I wake.

Have I given you the peace of mind that you have given me? I hope so. You should know that I will be there. That I am your fan. That I believe in you because you are the most genuine person anyone could ever meet.

I never wrote about this love thing.
At least in real life.
But here you are.

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like


  • Reply Artmusicdesign July 12, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this, Lauren. After my live in boyfriend moved out of our place with basically no warning, and a string of mortifying dating attempts, I'd pretty much given up hope that I'm going to ever find my someone. But, this gives me hope. Great post.


  • Reply Hipstercrite July 12, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    @artmusicdesign- oh no! gosh, i'm so sorry! are you doing ok? dating is difficult. it almost seems impossible at times that you'll ever meet someone. but we ultimately all do, don't we?

  • Reply Cathy Benavides July 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    @Artmsuicdesign – I feel for you. After 5.5 years together, my boyfriend decided that he wanted to be single. And by "be single" he meant date the new girl a the office. Crazy huh?

    @Lauren- I love this post. It's nice to know that beautiful romances are still real and blooming right here in my home city. It gives me hope for the future 🙂

  • Reply kimmie coco puff July 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    A well written description of love. As I sat reading your words, I drifted into thinking about those in my life. Love isn't some fairy tale that slaps you in the face, but more simply, it's a subtle breeze. Great post Lauren!

  • Reply Carol July 12, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    And how long is it supposed to take before this person that we're ultimately supposed to meet shows up? 'Cuz I'm like a hundred years old and time is running out. Plus, I'm too averse to hair in my food to become a cat lady.

  • Reply Jenn - There's Your Karma July 12, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    This was perfect – sentimental without being saccharin.

    It's been a weird and wild ride, navigating through the choppy dating waters of my late-twenties (especially within hipstery social circles). It's hard to be patient. But reading this helps to keep the pilot light burning. I'm so happy for you.

  • Reply Anonymous July 12, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    I loved this post. I know it's not for any of us, but thanks for writing it anyway.

  • Reply chris July 12, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Nicely penned, Lauren!
    For one of those areas-of-life that often elude or defy the right words to describe, you've done a hell of a job.

  • Reply Scott Tammaro July 12, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    I enjoyed reading this Lauren. To take such a private & personal experience & share it so openly from the gut really merits telling you thanks for sharing.

  • Reply EMQ July 13, 2011 at 1:05 am

    I think congratulations are in order. I remember being as surprised as you sound when I realized I was in love with my (now) husband. I actually thought at whole idea of a soulmate was made up to keep people watching romcoms…and then I met Dave and suddenly I saw the sense in the concept. Some people just fit right, and when you both bring out each others most complete and complex selves…like I said, congratulations.

  • Reply StrangeBird July 13, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Such a beautiful post – thank you for sharing. A real love story…

  • Reply Not who I will be July 13, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    I completely second strangebird. Beautiful.

  • Reply Mallory July 13, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    this is really beautiful.

  • Reply Flapjacks July 14, 2011 at 2:34 am

    yes! he's special. not like shortbus special, more like warm coffee cup in cold hands on a december morning special. congrats. it's glorious, ain't it?

  • Reply YoungUrbanAmateur July 14, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    That was sweet, in all meanings of the word. Two parts stuck with me a lot. One was the way you talk about meeting someone at 28 and feeling like you could have known them for years. Lately, I've been feeling (irrationally) like it's too old for me to connect with people in a way other than "Eh, this'll do." It's a silly feeling but a very real one. Something about the way you described that feeling gave me encouragement.
    Also, is it normal for people to chill on porches in Austin? I've always wanted to go to a city where people do that. There are porches here, but they're not common, and they're often shared with other apartments.

  • Reply Hipstercrite July 14, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    @Cathy- Gosh, 5 and a 1/2 years?! Ugh. I'm so sorry. I had a similar thing happen when I was younger. He wanted to "be alone" which meant date his co-worker. It was ok though cause I was ready and didn't know it. It's funny how people can lie though, huh?

    @Kimmie- It's a subtle slap breeze!

    @Carol- First of all, you're not a 100 years old. Second of all, you don't even have a cat do you? Third of all, you live in LA that's why!

    @Jenn- I agree, that is why I pretty much gave up for a year and was digging the solitude. That's when the right person walks in- when you aren't looking. Cliche, but maybe true?

    @Anonymous- 🙂

    @Chris- Thanks, Chris! That means a lot because I always fear I don't write about that "big stuff" so well.

    @Scott- Thanks for commenting!

  • Reply Hipstercrite July 14, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    @EMQ- Awww…thank you so much!

    @Strangebird, @Not Who I Will Be, @Mallory- Thank you, guys!!!

    @Flapjacks- He's warm cup of coffee special AND short bus special. 😉

    @YUA- I think it's when you feel that way when something awesome happens, don't you? Also, yes, people in Austin chill on porches. Funny, that's one of the things I longed for in LA and was hoping for in Austin. Right now it's TOO FUCKING HOT to sit on a porch though.

  • Reply Tara July 18, 2011 at 2:08 am

    It must be wonderful to feel like this about someone…

  • Leave a Reply