I know I said that I would stop using the word, “hipster”. You’re tired of it, I’m tired of it, WE’RE ALL F’ING TIRED OF IT! However, I couldn’t think of a better name for this post. Something about, “How To Have An Ironic As Shit Thanksgiving” just didn’t sound right. So will you please forgive me and let me have this one more usage?
When I think of Thanksgiving, I don’t think of hipsters. Unless I’m thinking of the movie, Pieces of April. Something about a dark Thanksgiving comedy taking place on the Lower East Side just screams pretentiousocity. Something about Katie Holmes makes me think of nothing at all though. Most of us will be having your pretty run-of-the-mill turkey dinners with the family: wearing that one Gap dress we bought in college and only pull out for dinners with the family, remembering why we pay $500 a month to go to a therapist, and getting drunk off of Grandpa’s stash of whiskey hidden in the floorboards.
If you’re interested in spicing things up and bringing a little of your creative, young urbanite ways to the dinner table, then follow these steps below:
1.) Take the Train– Because something note-worthy and creepy will most likely happen to you on the train and you can tell everyone in stunted breaths about your near-death experience once you arrive. So what it may take you two days sitting in an up-right position to travel 400 miles? Putting yourself in harm’s way of flashers, machete-wielding flashers, machete-wielding flasher clowns, or any other weirdo that often rides the train, will be good for your art. Also, you can finally live out your fantasy of wearing your top hat and pretending that your an old-timey president traversing the American landscape. Here is an interesting article from GOOD Magazine about riding the train for the holidays.
2.) Bring Field Roast to Dinner– Unless you inherited vegan ways from your hippie-turned-yuppie-turned-huppie parents, chances are they love meat, and chances are they will put a lot of work into making a beautiful turkey dinner that you suddenly refuse to eat because you decided that you want to be the voice of all the silenced turkeys everywhere. If you really want to drive the point home, whip out a PowerPoint presentation of graphic photos of turkeys being slaughtered on your Mac at the dinner table. Chances are you’ll finally have that fist fight you were always hoping for with your uncle Ellroy who watches Fox News.
3.) Canning– Because that part of you that listens to Bruce Springsteen’s Nebraska while watching Terrence Malick’s Badlands while wishing you were a 1920’s housewife living on the Plains really really wants to put things in cans. Or that Jewish part of you wants to put everything in vinegar and pickle it and swim in it. Learn all about the wonderful art of canning here.
4.) Adhere to Amy Sedaris’ hosting etiquette book “I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence”– If you’re hosting Thanksgiving dinner and hoping to get drunk and hit on your boyfriend’s dog, then this is the book for you! Sedaris’ book is chock full of hosting etiquette, redneck recipes, and funny anecdotes to hosting the most awkward and kitschy event ever! Here is a snippet:
5.) Make A Lot of Felt Shit– According to Readymade Magazine, Thanksgiving is not complete without making a bunch of felt objects like you did in 2nd grade. What do those mushrooms up there represent? I have no idea. Other than maybe symbolizing when you’ll get stoned and talk an hour to the cranberry sauce about what you are thankful for. P.S. The more googly eyes and tiny smiles the better. Your DIY felt object guide can be found here.