I’ve been listening to a lot of Bryan Ferry lately- particularly the song, “Slave to Love”. If I had a time machine, I would go back to 1985 and tell Mr. Ferry to change the song title to “Slave to Blog” because that’s what I feel like as of lately. He would be all like, “What the bloody hell is a blog?” and I’d say, “JUST CHANGE IT, BRIT, OR I’LL TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS CIGARETTES AND MODELS AWAY!” I’d also tell him that I would have to be in his music video and that we would be making out in said video.
My anxiety is building due to the recent realization that if I want to be a professional writer, I’m going to have to learn to deal with having writer’s block, being bored, feeling isolated, and maybe a wee bit sexually frustrated. Which are all items I’ve experienced lately. I’ve recently decided that staying focused on my career has become more important than over-socializing and even dating. Well, at least that’s what I keep telling myself Friday night after Friday night while I sit on the couch with a bottle of red wine in one hand, a block of cheese in the other hand, and a single tear escaping down my left cheek.
Believe me, I’ve fantasized about being a drunken and lonely writer who stays cooped up in her cabin and churns out pages of existential wonder. The problem is when I get drunk I can’t write a legible sentence. For example, a piece that I wrote when I was 22 and suuuuuper drunk, “Why doesn’t anyone love me? Why did I just hit my eye on the corner of the nightstand? Why does the nightstand not love me? I’m just a lonely nightstand looking for a home…”
I’ve also discovered that if I keep myself locked away from civilization in order to write, I start seeing hacked up children and dead women with giant bushes and I don’t like that.
I implore you- what is a young wannabe writer to do? Do I buckle down, quit whining, embrace the negative emotions, and stare at a pic of a shirtless Shia LaBeouf during those lonely nights? Or do I learn to create balance and find a way to socialize and date without compromising my writing?
And in closing, in the reinterpretation of some rave band called CSS’s words- “Blog is my boyfriend”. Well, Blog, don’t be surprised if I roll over and start choking you in your sleep one evening.