Austin

Welcome to Austin, SXSWers!

First post in my Austin, TX series for SXSW
It’s that time of year again.
The time of year where you stock up on your Adderall or Xanax or Xantac or horse tranquilizers and set your Facebook tagged photos to private.
South by Southwest Interactive and Film will be starting this Friday, with the music portion beginning next Wednesday.
What does that mean for you?
That means your chances of getting drunk with Bill Murrary or hooking up with a hipster from Brooklyn who is in a band with the words “bear”, “deer”, “neon”, “gold”, or “black” in it have just improved.
If you’re new to Austin, here is a list of traits that make our town so unique. Come and join the fun!

1.) The entire city collectively waits with bated breath for the Groupon of the day.

2.) At anytime in anyplace, your chances of hearing New Order playing on the sound system are 2 to 1.

3.) We treat music festivals like national holidays (and we really don’t have a choice).
4.) Overhear conversations that start with, (person looking (more…)
March 9, 2010 by
Writing

Taxidermy and You

The South by Southwest Festival in Austin, TX will be starting this Friday.
I plan on devoting most of the week to Austin and SXSW posts.
However, I haven’t written a single thing yet!
In the meantime, please enjoy this gallery of Maurizio Cattelan’s work.
I learnt of Cattelan this weekend while in Houston. The Menil Collection is currently exhibiting some of his pieces. I’m still brewing what I think about him.
What are your thoughts?








March 8, 2010 by
Writing

Twelve Ways To Boost Your Blog Traffic (Without Having to Get Naked)

You have nine followers, and one of them is your mother.
You wonder why the hell you’re even blogging.
You speculate if anyone will ever read your words.
You ponder if life is worth living.
Well look no further!
Listed below are twelve sure-fire ways to drive traffic to your blog and instantly boost your self-worth.

1.) Join Blogging Network Sites– The best blog networking website is Twenty-Something Bloggers. Hands down. Joining 20sb opened up a whole new world for me. Before then, I had no idea how to discover other blogs. 20sb is a supportive and strong community of like-minded bloggers. I can’t recommend it enough. Other blogging networks include Blog Lovin‘, Blog Her, BlogCatalog, and My Blog Log.

2.) Write Interesting Content– As much as want to go into great detail about your recent trip to the dentist or how you wrapped your Christmas gifts, refrain from it. Truthfully, nobody cares. Unless the dentist had a boner while performing your root canal or you lobbed off your finger while cutting (more…)
March 5, 2010 by
Writing

The Apartment Life

“I really wish you would settle down….at least a little bit,” my Mom snuck into the middle of our conversation.

“Mom. What does that have to do with the closing ceremony of the Olympics?”
“I mean, really. It’s time for you to find a real apartment.”
She was right.
Having just escaped a living situation that dealt with five dead mice, a housemate who was escorted out by the police, and a boisterous and jealous 70 year-old landlord who refused to lock up the house, I couldn’t agree with her more.
Even my Grandmother chastised me recently for filling up a full page in her address book.
“I keep writing down and crossing out addresses, Lauren! When is this going to stop? I don’t want to go onto a second page. It looks messy!”
When I first moved to Los Angeles I wanted to nest.
I wanted the old Hollywood apartment with the brick walls and the earthquake reinforcement beams protruding through the hardwood floors. I wanted to stand at my window and overlook Los Angeles and feel inhabitantly superior (more…)
March 4, 2010 by
Writing

Adventures of a Part-Time Floor Associate at a Hipster Clothing Store


I’ve worked over six full-time years in the film business. I’ve also managed to work two part-time years, on-and-off, at a controversial hipster clothing store and that fact SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME. One time I was leaving work and someone shouted from a passing van, “Fuck you hipster!” and I nodded my head in agreement.

One of the reasons why I continue to work at the hipster clothing store (Besides working with some pretty cool people- Yes! We actually smile and ask how you are doing) is because of the delightful characters I meet on a regular basis. They fall into five categories:

1.) Teenagers who dress like Lady Gaga’s Texan cousin and steal
2.) Twenty-something hipsters who make fun of hipsters and then buy fanny packs
3.) Thirty-somethings who brunch and get drunk off Mimosas, then stumble out of the dressing room naked shouting to anyone who will listen, “Does thisss loook good on mee?”
4.) Forty-somethings who buy only yoga pants and quietly and rightfully judge us while having (more…)
March 3, 2010 by
Writing

When "Hey, I Think I’m Gonna Quit My Career and Work in Non-Profit" Turns into Quitting Your Career and Working in Non-Profit and Hating It

Last year, in a weak effort to impose validity on my life (but not in an attempt to rectify my sins), I decided that my future no longer included working in the film business, but rather growing out my armpit hair and slinging it in the non-profit sector.
I got about four days into the armpit rebellion and only two months into the job.
A great lesson was learned during this time- don’t pick just any cause to support, pick a cause you’re willing to make an ass of yourself for (oh, and you smell when you don’t shave your pits).

The organization I worked for is a radical anti-war organization with followers across the globe. Though I learned many valuable lessons and met pizazzy characters along the way, protesting the war was not the sort of thing that gave me an ethical boner when I woke up in the morning.

I was not in favor of the war in Iraq, but I quickly discovered that marching in front of the White House doesn’t hold the same power as it did in 1968. Being able to see a physical difference (more…)
March 2, 2010 by
Writing

Totally Awesome Hipster Giveaway Winner Announced

I have a collapsible top hat that I carry around with me.
You never know when it’s going to come in handy, say like when drawing names for a TOTALLY AWESOME HIPSTER GIVEAWAY.

Here is me attempting to wink at you. However, it’s looks more like someone off camera just shot something into my eye.

Here are all the names in my collapsible top hat.

And the winner is….holy shit!
I mean, the winner is Wild as a Mink.

Out of 61 contestants, the person who inspired me to have this giveaway, the nice young gal whose blog giveaway I won last week, is the winner.
I know it sounds a little fishy, but I assure you, no shenanigans up in these parts.
What are the odds, huh?
Nickie, I guess we were destined to exchange gifts with one another.
I’ll be having another giveaway next month that will feature items from Alternative Apparel.
March 1, 2010 by
Writing

Mannequin Babies Make Good Watch Dogs

My plan worked.

THE TOTALLY AWESOME HIPSTER GIVEAWAY contest was not just for you.
It’s not all about you, you know?
It was also for me.
It was a way for me to derive from the glowing orb of your collective wittiness and creativity. I just stole a tiny piece of you. I’m sorry.
I’M SORRY!

Oh, I also just learned that I changed someone’s life by introducing them to Steve Martin’s THE JERK.
I think I want that on my epitaph:

LAUREN MODERY
Daughter/Blogger/Childless Shut-In/Good At Introducing People to the Movie THE JERK

There were just too many wonderful comments left on the giveaway post not to share.
Here are some fine examples of ingenious at it’s best:

Daynya: lauren, in bizarro world, you and i would take our mannequin babies to movies with us, then go have bloody mary’s at brunch while they sat outside, guarding our bikes 🙂

VegKat: I love giveaways, and I love your blog. I want to make out with like every post you write. (Sometimes I actually do.) And is the theme “Mannequin”? Cause if you (more…)
February 26, 2010 by
Writing

Totally Awesome Hipster Giveaway

So check this.
One of my favorite fashion blogs (ok, let’s face it, my only favorite fashion blog), Wild as a Mink, But Sweet as Soda Pop by the lovely Nickie, had a contest giveaway recently and guess who won?

Guess.
No, not Richard Dreyfuss.
I did!
You have no idea how freakin‘ excited I was!
Here are some pics of my prize:

A Garbage Pail kid card. Say hello to Jake Flake. He is snowboarding in his own dandruff.

Benetint Lip Balm by Benefit– the only cosmetic line that matters (with product names like Dr. Feelgood and Touch Me Then Try to Leave, how can you not love them?)

Gumbo size Lip Smacker Dr. Pepper chapstick that I already took a little nibble out of (you were right, Nickie)

Groupie extraordinaire Pamela Des Barres’ “I’m With the Band” and “Let’s Spend the Night Together”

Nickie’s generosity has inspired me to have a giveaway myself.
The TOTALLY AWESOME HIPSTER GIVEAWAY!!!
(Note- Lauren, don’t try writing this post at 3AM after just waking up with the computer on top of you and burning a (more…)
February 25, 2010 by
Writing

SXSW 2010 Film Lineup: The Forgotten Stepchild

All this talk about the SXSW 2010 Music lineup!
But what about the movies, huh?
You know, SXSW ain’t too shabby in the film department. The festival has introduced us to such great hits as: I Love You Man, Moon, Adventureland, Hurt Locker, 21, American Teen, Choke, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Shine a Light.


Here are some highlights of the SXSW 2010 Film lineup:

It’s Austin, Why Wouldn’t There Be a Bunch of Movies About Music?
–Lemmy– All I know about Lemmy is that he has a mustache that can kill. And he looks like he belongs in a gay porno. I don’t think I like Motorhead, but I’m sure this doc rocks nonetheless.
–The White Stripes Under Great White Northern Lights– Why wouldn’t the White Stripes come up with such an epic title for their documentary? This doc follows the band across Canada as they converge on their 10th anniversary performance.

–The Runaways– This film about the 70’s rock band, The Runaways, stars Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning and premiered last month at Sundance. After (more…)
February 24, 2010 by