Film, Pop Culture

The Art of Seat Filling

fresh off the bus

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my early years in Los Angeles. This is due to the fact my first employers in Hollywood have been nominated for multiple honors this award season and I’ve been joyfully watching them on TV as they walk to the stage to receive their statues. There is a good chance they will be bringing home some Oscars this year as well.

I moved to Los Angeles when I was 20 after being offered a job at said employer’s company while interning there. Before my internship ended, I interviewed the president of the company for a class project and within our three hour meeting, he asked if I wanted to be his assistant. I was shocked. I politely reminded him that not only did I have zero experience in Los Angeles, but I was still a student and completely clueless as to the ways of the world.

He assured me that I would learn.

It was then I knew that my life would change forever.

I remember getting into my car, The Beatles “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” playing on (more…)

January 31, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life

The Story of the Thief Who Wasn’t There

the picture that distracted me from impending death

It’s 4:30AM and I can’t sleep.

This may or may not have to do with the fact that the police were just in my house.

They were here because I called them, because I was convinced someone was in the house, because I might be losing my mind.

I woke like lightening to the sound of footsteps and the ruffling of a bag in our tiny two-bedroom house located in East Austin. My roommate wasn’t home and no one else has a key to the house, so my mind began racing. I didn’t know what to do- I was petrified– so I did what any logical terrified young girl would do and checked my Facebook and Twitter profiles. Some friends made comments about a photo of myself I posted earlier in the evening. They said I looked like MILF and that made me smile- even though I’m not a mom.

After getting lost in the adulation of my sexy mom poses, additional footsteps snapped me back to reality and I knew I had to think fast. Scanning the room I saw I had nothing of weight or (more…)

January 27, 2011 by
Writing

It’s Blog Redesign Time

Every once in awhile I get a giant bug in my ass to change my blog.
Much like changing your hair color once a boyfriend breaks up with you, I’m constantly anxious to shake things up a bit when I’m feeling complacent.

In the past, this anxiety typically builds and builds until one night I’m pacing the living room, drinking wine out of a juice box, and watching the same episodes of Arrested Development over and over for inspiration. Then I usually get distracted by something else and end up making only minute changes to my blog or dropping the idea all together.

However, this time I can’t shake the desire to make a change. It’s been months in the making and now has reached a point where if I don’t make a change, I fear that I’ll begin resenting my blog and shooting it disdainful glances when I wake up in the morning.

This may all sound a little over-dramatic, but I’m sure many of you can relate to wanting the aesthetic of a product of yours looking snazzy. Outside of looking more (more…)

January 26, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life

LOOK AT CUTE PICTURE OF DOG HERE

“Hey, Mom, how’s it going today?”

“GET DOWN! I SAID GET DOWN!”

“Oh, really, that sounds great.”

“HEY! YOU! STOP IT RIGHT THERE, MISSY!”

“Nice. I had a pretty relaxing day too.”

“NO! WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH?! WHAT. DO. YOU. HAVE. IN. YOUR. MOUTH??”

“Grandma has been constipated for three days now? Sheesh.”

“YOU ARE BEING SUCH A BRAT! YOU KNOW THAT? YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE BEING A BRAT? HUH?”

“Oh shit, I think my leg is on fire. I gotta go, Mom. “
(shock)
“YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT! GET BACK HERE. YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!”

(phone drops, inaudible scrambling in background)

Sigh

I used to be an only child. The world used to revolve around me.
Until she came along…

It’s difficult learning to share a parent at 22 years old.
It’s particularly difficult to share a parent with something that is not human.
You can’t reason with a 13-pound Jack Russell Terrier. You just can’t.
They think the world revolves around them too. So, having an only child and a Jack Russell Terrier in the same room is no good. We (more…)

January 25, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life, Pop Culture

Am I a Hipster?


Hipster Scorecard

1.) I wear non-prescription glasses, suspenders, and ties (bow included) (-1 for wearing glasses THAT I DON’T FUCKING NEED)

Yes, that is a fanny pack
2.) However, I’ve been wearing non-prescription glasses, suspenders, and ties since I was six years old and didn’t even know what a hipster was (+1 for being the coolest kid ever, even though I was called “dyke” on a daily basis in middle school)
3.) For having a car as my main mode of transportation (+1 for not being environmentally conscious)
4.) I’m always six months behind on what the hot new indie band is (+1 for still loving, and I mean loving, Lindsey Buckingham)
5.) I don’t wear pencil jeans, I’m not a size zero, and I typically smile (+1 for not being an emo kid disguised as a hipster)

6.) There exists many pictures of me wearing mustaches (-1 for having penis envy)

The Selleck

7.) I live in Austin, TX (-1 for living in the town that gets written up about in EVERY GOD FORSAKEN PUBLICATION)

8.) At least I’m not in Williamsburg (more…)
January 24, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

Just Kids: What is Art?


Last night I finished Patti Smith’s book about her relationship with photographer Robert Mapplethorpe, Just Kids. Lying in bed with tears rolling down into my neck, I had so many thoughts racing through my head. Life, death, New York, art, the artist, the idea that a love can transcend multiple planes. I laid still, taking in everything I had just read and letting it permeate. It was a good book and I enjoyed the journey.

However, during my time reading Just Kids, there was an underlying current that kept gnawing at my psyche. An idea that made me question my own views on art and the artist. Mid-way through the book I began questioning the validity of the two characters. I chastised them both for being directionless, for creating for the sake of creating with seeming disregard to what the medium was. To me, they appeared to be waiting for something to stick. Robert in particular bothered me for his creative ambitions seemed to solely revolve around fame and fortune. His creative outlets (more…)

January 21, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

Trapped in the Closet: The Audience Participation Guide

Once in awhile a movie comes along that really makes you stop and think. A movie that makes you question the very essence of our existence. The nature of Mankind and the dilemma of choice.

A movie that revives your faith in artists, the act of creating, and the quality of work that is being birthed into the world.

A movie that makes you laugh, cry, sing, jump up and cheer, take off your pants and start humping the living room floor.

A movie like Trapped in the Closet.

There is no finer hip-hopera set in Chicago than R.Kelly’s roman a clef about closet hiding, Beretta wielding, crusty-ass ho’ing, and midget porking. R. Kelly has single-handedly created, owned, and destroyed a genre with this film.

Released in 2005 and 2007, the Trapped in the Closet saga now boasts 22 chapters with more rumored to come. The story follows the epic journey of Sylvester (played by R. Kelly, which coincidentally is his middle name) and the trials and tribulations of being a player in Chi-town. The film begins with (more…)

January 20, 2011 by
Film, Music, Pop Culture

Prince Pubic Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner Time

My mother always taught me to aim high and by God she taught me well for you see, Ladies and Gentlemen, I’ve discovered that when one Googles “Prince pubic hair”, “Freddie Mercury chest hair” and “Jeff Goldblum boner” Hipstercrite is the very first search result that comes up on Google.

I know what you’re thinking- that is some pretty impressive shit.

Well, it took me a very long time to get to Prince Pubic Hair Freddie Mercury Chest Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner status in life. I knew when I was a little girl that it would be a difficult task but one day, I would achieve such notoriety.

It wasn’t an easy journey though.

The first time I wrote about Prince’s pubic hair it caused strain on the relationship between my father and I. It was in the early stages of my blog and boundaries had yet been established between what my parents and my blog. My Dad, at the time, thought my blog was a parental buffet of offspring information and was surprised when he read my post about Prince’s pubic (more…)

January 19, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life

The Plight of the Only Child


I’m a left-handed Jewish only child Gemini female from a divorced family.

Well, Taurus now if you ask whoever the hell came up with the new zodiacs.

I know what you’re thinking. After re-reading the first sentence, I’m thinking the same thing too.

She must be a lot of work.

It’s easy to think that if you believe the stereotypes regarding left-handers, Jews, former Geminis, females and only children.

Oy vey! Do they write nasty things about only children! Just the other day I came across an article where they describe only children as “narcissistic”, “self-centered”, “stubborn”, “autonomous”, “alienating”, “loners”, “aloof” and “odd”.

How dare they!

They left out “uniquely gifted”, “supremely intelligent” and “God’s greatest gift to the world”, duh.

What I read about only children both enlightened and scared the living shit out of me. Some publications try to give us the benefit of the doubt and state that the generalizations of only children are typically not true, (more…)

January 18, 2011 by
Pop Culture

In the Shadow of Martin Luther King, Jr.: The Unsung Women of the Civil Rights Movement


While getting myself reacquainted with Martin Luther King Jr. this weekend, I came to discover a civil rights activist by the name of Daisy Bates who is often minutely discussed in the history books. A force to be reckon with, Daisy Bates was a strong spirited woman who helped call for integration in Arkansas by organizing the Little Rock Nine. The Little Rock Nine was one of the early major events in the Civil Rights Movement wherein nine young African-American children bravely attended the racially divided Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas.

In addition to her leadership in Little Rock, Daisy and her husband, L.C., created one of the first civil rights oriented newspapers called the Arkansas State Press, she was president of the Arkansas NAACP chapter, she served in anti-poverty programs under Johnson’s administration , and she was a published author. However, Daisy’s journey was not an easy one- she discovered by the teasing of her peers that her mother was raped and killed (more…)

January 17, 2011 by