Film, Music, Pop Culture

Prince Pubic Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner Time

17 Comments 19 January 2011

n513427631 1574170 795328 Prince Pubic Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner Time pop culture music film  My mother always taught me to aim high and by God she taught me well for you see, Ladies and Gentlemen, I’ve discovered that when one Googles “Prince pubic hair”, “Freddie Mercury chest hair” and “Jeff Goldblum boner” Hipstercrite is the very first search result that comes up on Google.

I know what you’re thinking- that is some pretty impressive shit.

Well, it took me a very long time to get to Prince Pubic Hair Freddie Mercury Chest Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner status in life. I knew when I was a little girl that it would be a difficult task but one day, I would achieve such notoriety.

It wasn’t an easy journey though.

The first time I wrote about Prince’s pubic hair it caused strain on the relationship between my father and I. It was in the early stages of my blog and boundaries had yet been established between what my parents and my blog. My Dad, at the time, thought my blog was a parental buffet of offspring information and was surprised when he read my post about Prince’s pubic hair. I mean, my father did overreact a bit. It wasn’t an entire post devoted to Prince’s creepy crawlies or anything. The post was simple devotional reminder of believing in oneself. Here is the part that most upset my father:

I’ll never forget…I was at a photo exhibit for a rock n’ roll photographer. She had these wonderfully intimate portraits and live shots of popular musicians in the early 80′s. I’m scanning the wall, studying each photograph intently.
I get to a picture of Prince and it’s just of his bush.
All bush.
He was wearing a lamé speedo and had pubes coming out of every which direction. They were slowly taking over his whole body. I look at Prince’s smiling face. He knew his pubes were awesome. He was giving me that look, “Baby, these pubes are for you.”


So when I begin questioning myself, for example, with something like “Hey, Lauren, maybe texting that boy more than once though he never responds might seem a little dumb?” I now think, “No, no it’s not. If I were Prince, I would show up at that guy’s house in my lamé hot shorts, pubes hanging out everywhere, phallic guitar strapped to my chest, a raging jheri curl, and sing: “baby, what does it take 2 have u text me back? is it another girl? does she wear diamonds and pearls? boy, i love the way your body moves. there ain’t nothing that’s gonna keep me from u. i think i love u.”

After reading this post my father threatened to “defriend” me on Facebook and I had to get my mother, his ex-wife of 20 years, to intervene. We’ve now established rules and my parents will not read my blog unless I specifically tell them to. I know it sounds harsh, but this is for everyone’s benefit…and for me to write posts about them.

As for the “Jeff Goldblum boner“, that is a story I don’t share with my folks though they’ve seen the photo where said boner occurred a million times. In fact, my mother has it framed above her desktop computer. Listen, faring through a Jeff Goldblum boner attack just so I could be the top search result when Googling “Jeff Goldblum boner” was not easy. Just look at my face.

n513427631 450964 707 Prince Pubic Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner Time pop culture music film  As forFreddie Mercury chest hair“, many of you have seen the pic and heard about it, so I won’t beat that very hairy dead horse. For the ones who haven’t, in short, I seem to talk about Freddie’s chest hair A LOT and even attempted to physically embrace it on Halloween. See below:

73264 447279212631 513427631 5349570 7988332 n Prince Pubic Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner Time pop culture music film

In addition to the aforementioned search words, another very popular searched phrase on my blog is “hairy gay men”. In fact, it’s so popular, I’m beginning to think that everyone in the world is into them. I get great satisfaction from the idea that many horny gay dudes, out of hopes of seeing a photo of a dazzling hairy bear, instead come face-to-face with a picture of a young white girl with what looks like Robin Williams shavings Spirit-Gummed to her chest.

One day I hope to make a t-shirt that says, “Prince Pubic Hair Freddie Mercury Chest Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner”, or a crown, but in the meantime, I’ll try to keep coming up with search words of ironic cultural icons and their body parts.


What are the most popular or suggestive search results for your blog?

pixel Prince Pubic Hair Jeff Goldblum Boner Time pop culture music film

Your Comments

17 Comments so far

  1. Nicole says:

    I miss old-school Prince — pube-showing, guitar-humping, sexy-time Prince. The new religious out-of-touch Prince is the worst.

  2. Hipstercrite says:

    @Nicole- Ha! Tell me about. It reminds me of MJ. It's like, we hold on to the versions of them from 25-30 years ago. I turn the other way when I see or hear new Prince and then go and rewatch "Purple Rain" for the 100th time.

  3. Paige says:

    i think we've all google jeff goldblum bone at one point in our livesl

  4. Scott Tammaro says:

    The tanning salon here read your post & are quite upset about your endorsement of hair. It's conflicting with their "No Frida Khalo Mustache Day" special.

    Those orange people ain't got much of a sense of humor I tell you.

  5. Megalithic Rick says:

    Hahaha o man your funny. I love this post about your blog and your strained relations with your father. F'n hilarious! Btw, I've never googled Jeff Goldblum's bone, yet. But I have googled David Hasselhoff/Darth Vader. I found out, randomly and accidently, that the Hoff was in movie called Star Crash. It's a 70's movie which is a chessy rip off of Star Wars. He duels a light saber and wears eye liner :D

  6. andrea says:

    oh god, i love you hahahaha

  7. Christopher says:

    Someone once came across my blog by typing in "kings of cock blogspot". I'm not sure if I should be flattered or creeped out. However, I know for a fact that my blog needed a good febreeze spray after that.

  8. bard says:

    Freddie Mercury, or Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnQy1YSkqq0

  9. Hipstercrite says:

    @Paige- HA! Yes! and there are naked pics of The Blum that exist on the internet…I discovered…much to my delight.

    @Scott- Ha! Are you serious? A "No Frida Khalo Mustache Day???"

    @Rick- HA! What prompted you to Google that??

    @Andrea- YAY! :D

    @Christopher- HA! Did you have something on your blog that said that? And why??

    @Bard- But he doesn't have the chest hair like my man Freddie!

  10. Kristin Wyly says:

    This is just wonderful

  11. LaurenLex says:

    After reading this, I checked my blog stats & one of the search keywords for my blog is "wilfe hubby suck."
    I don't even know what that means & now I'm a little concerned.

  12. andrea says:

    this reminds me that someone once got to my blog searching mother watch daughter masturbate. NO IDEA HOW!

  13. Christopher says:

    I'm completely puzzled by it. I mean, I'm sure I've used the word cock a few times but definitely never kings of cock. When I tried searching my blog with those words nothing came up so no idea.

  14. Megalithic Rick says:

    What made me google David Hasselhoff and Darth Vader together? Before the google search, I was spaming alot of peeps on fb with super sexy pics of the the Hoff. I'm a visual person and this spills over into my sense of humour. So at the time, I was on this Hoff kick. I wanted to post a pic on someones wall of the Hoff looking super sexy and devilish, and I wanted to make the connection that the Hoff was pure evil like Vader. The tempting powah of the darkside and David Hasselhoff is a winning combintaion that could stop child abuse, end world hunger and destroy capitalism.

  15. Jill says:

    Can I get a size small in white for the 'prince pubic hair jeff golfblum boner time' tee?

    Thxxx

  16. alaina says:

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  17. lancebillie says:

    You can also have it Waxing. The results of a waxing can last at least twice as long.


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