Austin, Hipstercrite Life

I’ve Become Scared of My Own Shadow

Lately I’ve had this growing illogical fear that every single evening someone is trying to break into my house.

Every single night.

Typically around 4AM.

I guess that would make it morning then? 4AM is that ungodly time that really deserves it’s own time of day. It’s the gateway from night into morning. It’s dark and ominous and you most likely won’t hear a soul except for the psychopath hiding outside your window. My window. He likes to hang out there and tap melodies on the pane and dance on dead leaves. He’s a pretty bad dancer from what I can tell, but are psychopaths ever really good dancers?

This fear has begun effecting my life greatly. My sleeping patterns have become distressed and I often wake up to my heart pounding through my chest. Recently I even found myself standing on the street corner in my silk robe dialing 911 in one hand and brandishing an Ikea paring knife and Swiffer mop in the other. That evening I was absolutely convinced someone was in my house and (more…)

March 23, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

Top 6 Dumbass Band Names

SXSW is a good time to sit back and reflect on all the dumbass band names that people come up with.

Oh, and there are a lot of them.

Take for instance the SXSW crowd favorite Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All.

What does this mean!? It’s not even a dark and brooding sentence like most ridiculous band names. It’s like they did the old Bowie trick and put some words into a hat. What’s so odd about the future, huh? And why does Mozart have to be wrangled in to your poor naming skills? Leave him alone! And don’t go making him killing everybody! Mozart was a good man. He wrote ‘The Magic Flute’ and I kind of like it.

I will not listen to this band purely based off of their name. There. You lost a potential listener due to your inability to come up with a winning band name (absolutely nota Charlie Sheen reference). Same goes for most of these bands below. Your band names suck and here is why….

Tell me your favorite dumbass band name!

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (or CYHSY)
Where (more…)

March 22, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life

The Rainbow Connection

Once in awhile someone comes along and creates a Muppets-themed cardboard window for your car. They do this because you attended a screening of their movie and while inside, someone broke into your car. They may have also done this because they like you. Maybe. And though you should call your car insurance provider and finally get a quote on how much this window is going to cost, a part of you doesn’t want to give up the Muppet window. You like riding around with Kermit, Miss Piggy, and Fozzie in the passenger seat. More importantly you like that he drew this for you one evening by the light of your cell phone.

If your car was broken into, what would you draw on your new cardboard window?

 

March 21, 2011 by
Austin, Film, Music, Pop Culture

The Characters of SXSW

Austin-based company Software Advice sent me an AWESOME sketch breakdown they did of the different archetypes one would see at SXSW. They’re pretty spot-on. Here is a little snippet below, but you can check out the rest of their hilarious drawings here, or follow them on Twitter here, or ‘like’ their Facebook fan page here.

(Interactive) Aspiring Entrepreneur

“We’re Twitter meets Zynga with an API that transforms the social graph.”

He’s an alpha male in a beta body, rockin’ the hoodie and flip flops – just like Zuck. SXSW Interactive attracts a swarm of these php-smokin’, eager beavers. You’ll find him at “Business Model 101: How To Actually Make Money?,” but he wishes he was at the Android Developer Meetup. You’ll often find the PR Chick and the Venture Capitalist in hot pursuit – a stunning reversal of the social order that was in place during college, last year. At least one of these aspiring entrepreneurs will join the digital elite within a year. And OMG, you totally ordered (more…)

March 18, 2011 by
Austin, Film, Music

The Best Part of SXSW Is…

My friend from college, Joe Nicolosi, is a super talented filmmaker. Everyone in Austin knows it, but now it looks like the world does too! Joe is the filmmaker behind the SXSW “film bumpers” you see before a screening. Truth be told, Joe’s various bumpers are better than many of the movies this year. This guy has real talent and you should check out the video below. Within two days, his short video, Mario, went from 300 Youtube hits to over 300,000 and climbing! I have a feeling you’ll be seeing more of this guy soon…

March 17, 2011 by
Austin, Film, Music, Pop Culture

SXSW Adventures Continued: These Are the Daves I Know

So, the other night we hung out with Dave Foley again. He got us into the green room at the IFC SXSW venue and we hung out with Michael Ian Black, Aziz Ansari, and Thomas Lennon. I was too nervous to say anything to them. The evening then took us all over Austin where at any given time you could see me walking with my arm around Dave Foley, me slapping Dave Foley when he would say something insanely dirty, Dave Foley peeing on the side of a building, and Dave Foley lying down on the ground. Dave was stopped every five minutes with people literally freaking out when they recognized him. Dave got a wee bit tipsy and there is a good chance he may hate us now. It was quite the evening. Here are some snapshots.

March 17, 2011 by
Austin, Film, Music, Pop Culture

Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey Into Making Me Cry Like a Child

If you want to transform an entire crowd of grown adults into a pile of giddy and gibbering children, show them the award-winning documentary Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey.

Winner of the Sundance 2011 Special Jury Prize, this absolutely fantastic documentary follows the story of Kevin Clash- the man behind Elmo- and his humble beginnings from inner city kid to the voice of one of America’s most beloved characters.

Think you’ll be bored with this documentary? Well, you are thinking WRONG, my friend. I mean, we did all get a little Elmo’d out during the great Tickle Me Elmo Craze of 1996, however, this film makes you forget about Moms elbowing other Moms in the boobs while fighting for stuff animals. In fact, this film is so captivating that I missed the Pee-Wee Herman on Broadway screening at SXSW that I had been anxiously awaiting.

Kevin Clash grew up in the projects of Baltimore during the 1960’s. Being the awesomely nerdy kid that he was, Kevin idolized Jim Henson. He spent (more…)

March 15, 2011 by
Austin, Film, Music, Pop Culture

I Like SXSW Because it Brings Me Closer to My Idols

I can’t get over at how much around this time Austin looks like LA. As I was sitting in a cafe downtown waiting to hook up with my publicist friend at the party for his client, Edgar Wright, and watched all the people in fancy clothing waiting in lines, I thought, “I’m absolutely 100% in Los Angeles again.” However, only in appearance. New Yorkers and Angelenos trickle in by the boat loads during SXSW, but the spirit of the city doesn’t necessarily leave. In fact, the outsiders adapt to us. It’s still good ol’ Austin at the core. Austin brings the best out in celebrities, or it only brings the best celebrities. I’m not sure which. Either way, this point was proven to me when I hung out with one of my childhood idols this weekend.

Friday night my gentleman friend and I went to the opening party for SXSW. The party was hosted in a gargantuan space in the middle of rowdy 6th Street. We were chatting with various folks when I recognized the man standing next to me as Dave Foley. As many (more…)

March 14, 2011 by
Austin, Film, Pop Culture

What to Check Out at SXSW Film

So, I lied. I only have a film badge.
However, that makes me really happy because now I don’t feel all this pressure to attend the music-related events. That’s the part that is really stressful, right? RIGHT?!?!

I was lucky enough to be a SXSW film screener this year. I screened the documentary features, but unfortunately none of the films I screened made it to the line-up. 🙁 I screened a lot of wonderful films but I’m sure the films chosen are great too!

I’m putting together my film schedule and the films this year look pretty awesome. Take a look!
P.S. I’m kind of partial to documentaries…

Friday:
The Ballad of Genesis and Lady Jaye 8:30PM Alamo Ritz- This documentary follows the story of performance artist Genesis P-Orridge and his wife Lady Jaye as they try to create one “Pandrogynous” being. Yeah, I had no idea what that meant either, but it looks like the couple is trying to become “one” with each other.


Saturday:
Becoming Santa Alamo Lamar 12:00PM- This doc (more…)

March 11, 2011 by
Austin, Film, Music, Pop Culture

I Will Use SXSW As My Opportunity to Make Pee-Wee Herman Fall in Love with Me


It’s no secret that I’m kind of in love with Pee-Wee Herman. Kind of meaning that I might name my firstborn King of Cartoons. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure is and will forever remain my number one favorite movie and there may or may not be times that I dress in a tiny gray suit and dance to ‘Tequila’ around my house. Alone. With a bottle of tequila.

With that being said it’s greatly tickling my nether regions to know that Paul Reubens will be at this year’s SXSW debuting his new film, The Pee-Wee Herman Show on Broadway (Sat. March 12th 4:00PM at the State Theatre). Unless you’ve been living under Floory, you will know that the character Pee-Wee Herman recently made a comeback with the Pee-Wee Herman Show which first debuted in LA in 2009 and then made it’s way to Broadway. The sold-out shows and talk show appearances cemented the fact that America still loves Pee-Wee and we’re anxious to have him back. Some more so than others. Some waaaaay more.

Below is an article I wrote for Alternative (more…)

March 8, 2011 by