Hipstercrite Life

My G-ma the G-Dawg

Hey Everyone!
Just want to send a quick message and THANK YOU because….MY GRANDMA WON THE GOOD MAGAZINE PEOPLE TO ADMIRE CONTEST! I am so f’ing excited. So is my grandma. When I called her she squealed like a little girl! Then she proceeded to tell me that she’s been mailing with a psychic and the psychic told her she was going to become a millionaire. Then I was like “What the fuck…?”

Anyways, she’s super stoked and I’m so tickled that she’s going to be featured in a national magazine! That woman deserves it. She’s such a classy and beautiful lady who has worked hard her entire life. I used to dream of making it big in Hollywood solely because I wanted to treat her (and my mom) to all the finer things in the world.

Thank you so so so much again for all who supported. You seriously have no idea how much this means to me.

You can read more about the post HERE.
If you don’t read Good Magazine, you should. It’s one of the best magazines out there.

June 8, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life

The Absoluteness of Alzheimer’s

Grandma and Lionel ate Burger King kids meals tonight. They bought Lucy the Jack Russell Terrier one too.

“I don’t cook anymore because Lionel can’t chew!” Grandma explains to me.

“I thought he just got new teeth, Grandma?”

“Yeahhh, but they hurt. They don’t fit him right.”

She had already changed the subject three times. Grandma didn’t want to talk about the elephant in the room.

I don’t even particularly want to write about it.

“What did Lionel’s son say, Grandma?”

A pause, then my grandmother’s familiar shielded acknowledgement and dismissal of my question due to Lionel’s close proximity to her.

“Mom said he wants to put Lionel in a home?” I ask quietly.

I hear Lionel’s booming voice in the background, asking for mock help as Lucy tongue whips his face.

“Hold on a second,” my grandma says as I hear her small footsteps walk towards the bedroom.

She gets really quiet. “They want to put him in Walden Oaks. We went over there today to take a look, ” her (more…)

June 7, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life

A Woman to be Admired

I found out yesterday that my wonderful grandmother was selected as one of Good Magazine’s People to Admire. If you’re not familiar with Good Magazine, it’s quite possibly the best magazine ever created. It’s a magazine about people and businesses who do good things in the world. Simple as that. The magazine is inspiring, encouraging, and innovative. They print on recycled paper and 100% of the subscription fee goes to a charity of your choice. You can get a feel for the magazine here. The website has an amazing interactive community which is where I discovered their “People to Admire” contest. I submitted my grandmother and she was one of sixteen chosen over hundreds. The contest is user-driven and if she wins, she will be featured in the magazine. I can’t imagine a more wonderful honor my grandmother could receive in her later years. To be featured in a magazine! Wow! Though every person nominated is inspiring, I wish more than anything that she could have something this exciting happen (more…)

June 1, 2011 by
Austin, Hipstercrite Life

Memorial Day Crime Spree

“This is how people become alcoholics,” I said to my boyfriend as he handed me a bottle of the only liquor he had in the house. The liquor I so hastily requested as we sat listening to the helicopters circling our neighborhood. Even though it tasted like cough syrup that had been sitting in someone’s medicine chest for decades and had begun the fermentation process, I couldn’t drink what was left of that Barcardi Razz fast enough. It was 3AM and I needed to drown out all the thoughts of whatever manhunt was currently going down on the eastside, the reports of gunshots downtown, and the fact that once again my car was broken into less than 24 hours prior.

I can’t find any data that confirms this, but I feel that Memorial Day is a day particularly saved for criminal activity. It’s the gateway into the summer- the time when temperatures rise and so does crime. Evil-doers are giving us just a little taste of what’s to come. Sticky and sweaty lawlessness.

Some of you know, my car had (more…)

May 31, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life

Your Life in a Box Full of Smushed Candy

Moms are awesome!
Want to know why?
Because they send you an Easter day care package four weeks later with stuff like this in it:

A 2001 Engagement calendar.
Me: “Mom, why did you send me a calendar from ten years ago?”
Mom: “Because it’s a very special year. The year you graduated high school.”
Me: “I know, Ma. But what am I going to do with this?”
Mom: “It’s pretty.”

And this:

The script to the very questionable female rendition of 12 Angry Men we interpreted in high school. The play where I was offered the role of Juror #4 or as I like to call it- The Character With the Second to Least Amount of Lines Because I Can’t Act My Way Out of a Paper Bag.

And this:

A CD booklet to a Stevie Nicks box set I no longer have.
Just the booklet. No CDs.
As I flipped through the pages scratching my head as to why my mother sent me liner notes, I became more and more intrigued by the lyrics and pictures and decided that this was the best thing she put in the box.

And this:

An (more…)

May 27, 2011 by
Writing

How to Come up With Fresh Crap for Your Blog

source

The biggest obstacle I face with blogging is coming up with fresh content.
And not swearing.
Swearing may be my largest obstacle.

Mom told me that when I moved to Los Angeles I turned into a “raging swearing jerk” that she “no longer recognized”. After LA, I dropped the jerky part, but kept the swearing. It has not only become a problem with my blog and social media profiles (my 92 year-old grandmother de-friended me on Facebook because of “my language”), but also in real life where I often find myself dropping little tiny F turds every now and then at work or in meetings. But my swearing is not the point of this post. I’m not even going to “accidentally” place a “fucking” or “shit” anywhere in that past sentence to try and be humorous.

The number one problemo I have with the bane of my existence, er, blog, is coming up with shit that doesn’t bore people to tears. Ideas I don’t feel like I’ve rehashed, don’t give a crap about, or know that others could (more…)

May 26, 2011 by
Fashion/Design

Televangelism Fashion

In honor of the shitty week that Harold Camping must be having, I thought I’d revisit a post I wrote about the awesome fashion sense of evangelists….

Sometimes I think about turning my blog into a fashion blog.

Fashion blogs always seem to be the belle of the ball.
The hit of the party.
The slut of the kegger.
They always get the most traffic and the most comments.
Which is interesting, because they’re usually written by a doe-eyed thirteen year-old girl from Winnipeg who likes to stand pigeon-toed and wear her Grandma’s reading glasses.
Anytime I do write about fashion, it’s one of three things- vintage clothing, making fun of American Apparel, and making fun of American Apparel while forgetting that I’m wearing an entire American Apparel ensemble.
However, I thought today that I might write a fashion post for a dude named Oral.
Yes, Oral.
Oral died recently and I had no idea who the heck he was. In fact, I’m super hung-up on the fact that a couple decided to name their (more…)
May 24, 2011 by
Austin

Can’t I Go to Both Hell AND Texas?

Yesterday my mother emailed me the above picture with the caption, “Remember this picture? I call it “Future Texan”.

I’d like to call it, “Future Toddlers and Tiaras Reject”, but “Future Texan” will suffice.

I’m a Northerner. A Yankee. I come from land where for six months of the year social interaction and entertainment is hunted for it’s rare and delicious meat. My ass had never seen the sun nor had my virgin taste buds made love to anything spicier than vanilla bean. Vanilla bean is not spicy, you say? You’re right. The word “vanilla” just seemed appropriate in this paragraph. Growing up in central New York makes you vanilla. I was vanilla. Diverse culture and cuisine are not prevalent in central New York. That’s not true. Diverse culture and cuisine outside of all the white people from Old Country is not prevalent. I had never even seen a Mexican restaurant until I moved to California. Sushi? Indian? Ethiopian? These things did not exist where I was from. I once heard there (more…)

May 20, 2011 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

The Dizziness of Freedom

I recently discussed on my blog how I’ve developed crippling anxiety attacks at nighttime. Crippling is a strong word. More like curling up in a ball and whimpering myself into exhaustion. I’ve become absolutely convinced every night someone is trying to break into the house. Every single night. Like people have nothing better to do than hang outside my house and contemplate stealing the useless stuff I have to offer them every single day.

I know that these fears are irrational, though they are somewhat founded in recent violent goings-on in my neighborhood. Last week, two separate muggings occurred at popular east side bars, one where a young lady was brutally punched in the head. My boyfriend also lives in close proximity to the one intersection in all of Austin that houses every crackhead, prostitute, and pimp. Needless to say I envision a Thriller-like ragtag group parading in on the house as soon as the clock strikes 3AM.

On the surface my anxiety stems directly from these (more…)

May 19, 2011 by
Fashion/Design

The Rise and Fall of American Apparel

I have a secret to tell you.
I worked off and on at American Apparel for three years.

It’s true.
I was one of them.

I often felt this fact was a tiny mar on my resume and should be excluded from the story of my life. For a long time I simply didn’t tell anyone that I worked for the company. I was kind of embarrassed. I knew what many people thought of the company, but more importantly I knew what people thought that we, the employees, thought about ourselves. Which is that we are all stuck-up, pretentious hipsters who would rather stare at the ceiling and flash side-boob instead of smile at a customer. I mean, I think of ourselves that way sometimes. Having visited a number of American Apparels I can tell you that in some cases that statement is accurate. The company is not known for their customer service training. In fact, there is zero customer training other than looking “hip”. However, if the company is lucky enough to hire employees that already understand that greeting (more…)

May 16, 2011 by