The One Where I Couldn’t Come Up With A Semi-Witty Title But Desperately Wanted To

I realized recently that I do not get super personal on my blog.

That’s kind of a lie.
I will talk about former flames and certain traits that they probably don’t want discussed on an open forum, former solitary drinking habits, and dreams of running naked through the desert of Western Texas, but I do not talk about the day-to-day aspects of my life.
The only bits of info that you probably really know about me is that I’m in love with David Byrne, Jeff Goldblum, and Crispin Glover and that I like being photographed with mannequins.
Oh, and that I talk about Austin, TX a little too much.
Over the past six months, I’ve had so many wonderful and interesting new friends join my blog. I would like to share a little more about myself in hopes that you will in turn tell me your darkest secrets.

My son Skippy and I

Name: Lauren
Age: 26
Hometown: Lonelytown, NY (the best thing to do on a Saturday night was go to Denny’s….and that even shut down. Now it’s Wal-mart)
Current Town: Austin, TX (Heaven on Earth)
Former Town: Los Angeles, CA (Hell on Earth….but in a intoxicating, delicious way!)

Mom Brenda
Former owner of women’s apparel store/Grade A scrapbooker/Best Mom ever created

Dad Karl
Actor/Adventurer/My kindred sprit in daydreaming

Grandma Nan
Former owner of women’s apparel store/Mo-fo’ing classiest woman you’ll ever meet/83 and fab

Occupation: Perpetually trying to get out of the film industry. When I was 20, I was offered a job in Hollywood that was too good to pass up. I’ve now spent the past six years wondering what the hell I got myself into.
Relationship Status: fancy free?
Aspirations: When asked this question, I typically stare blankly at the questioner, get fidgety, and quickly change the subject. I’ve never been able to think beyond what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone years from now. However, as I’ve gotten older, I realize that there is life after 30 and that that sort of thinking is not gonna fly. So, for the first time ever, I will say that my aspirations are to be a full-time writer that can support herself and any sort of facade of looking like a brilliant, semi-crazy, drunk artist.
Oh, and to have a roundtable discussion with Danny Elfman, Anthony Bourdain, David Byrne, Amy Sedaris, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Harpo Marx, Cary Grant, and Frank Zappa….in bed.
Traits: I obsessively check to make sure the stove is off- even if I haven’t used it. I still have my baby blanket which has a rainbow on it and is in awesome shape (rainbows are timeless, I tell myself). I’m told I talk way too much with my hands.
Movies: IN THIS VERY SPECIFIC ORDER: Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Annie Hall, Young Frankenstein, The Jerk, Stop Making Sense, Ghostbusters, Secretary…oh shit, I can never remember 8-10. Let’s add all Marx Brothers pre-MGM.
Music: Talking Heads, Oingo Boingo, Frank Zappa, David Byrne, David Bowie, Hall & Oates, Peter Gabriel, Sly & The Family Stone, Talking Heads, Elvis Costello, David Byrne, Talking Heads, David Byrne.
Books: Anything by Bret Easton Ellis and The Giving Tree. And Highlights Magazine. And backs of liquor labels.
Hobbies: Being a f’ing “NATIONAL” KARAOKE CHAMPION!!! (uh….that’s about it)
Highlights: Working for quite possibly the best actor in the world, feeling Jeff Goldblum’s boner (specifically in that picture below), maybe-sorta-had-the-chance to produce the next Pee-Wee movie (but not really), standing next to Lt. Dangle in his short shorts and not trying to stare at his junk, celebrating my 25th birthday with my divorced parents in a random city, moving from LA to Austin with only what I could fit in my car and feeling like a super bad ass driving down Route 10.
Anything else you wanna know?
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  • Reply Laurnie February 17, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Fantastic post! I love the pic of you with the baby mannequin, classic. Your grandma is rad, 80 and still kicking it like she is young.

  • Reply Christine Macdonald February 17, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    I would say title it Peeling the Layers, but it's more than that… I love the photos too.


  • Reply Elle February 17, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Anthony Bourdain …in bed. Yes, please.

  • Reply "Julie" February 17, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    so weird, i was listening to the talking heads when i read this! random!
    austin IS heaven on earth!! so jealous you get to be there every day! I may be job hunting up there soon!

  • Reply Apryl February 17, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    Haha Jeff Goldblume's penis.

  • Reply The Mad Dame February 17, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    I want to know more about your experience in Hollywood. I've been a 6 month internship in LA that's ending in about 3 weeks. I totally get the "Hell on Earth….but in a intoxicating, delicious way!"

  • Reply KeLLy aNN February 17, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    {christine~ peeling like layers…layers like an onion, or layers like parfait,cause everybody Loves Parfait!!

    Hipster~ HIGHLIGHTS!! I knew I liked you for a reason!

  • Reply Doug February 17, 2010 at 8:27 pm


    I also count The Giving Tree as my favorite book. I still remember the first time I heard it, when Mrs Straton read it to us in Kindergarten. I am confused by your recent post. You work in the film industry? Based on a January post I thought you worked for a publication called Sin Magazine.

  • Reply Hipstercrite February 17, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    @Laurnie- Thanks! I need to do more mannequin pics. You should see the faces you get from people. It's priceless.

    @Kiki- I like "Peeling the Layers" but you're ten times more eloquent than I am.

    @Elle- YES PLEASE!

    @Julie- What Talking Heads song???

    @Apryl- Jeff Goldblum's penis is a mighty thing. It's on the cover of Star right now. They're claiming that he could be the father of John Edward's mistresses' kid.

    @Mad Dame- I'll shoot you an email

    @Kelly Ann- Mmm….parfait. Who doesn't love Highlights? If they don't, they should be beaten.

    @Doug- Did we go to school together? (P.S. the Sin Magazine story was an experiment. It was mostly fictional)

  • Reply Doug February 17, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Oh how embarrassing. I thought that was real. Sorry I’ll try to keep up better in the future. If we did go to school together apparently I was the one in the corner with the dunce cap on:)

  • Reply Apryl February 17, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Haha and PS you should come to Boston and karaoke with me, it's my life.

    Sad sad as that is.

  • Reply The Mad Dame February 17, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    I have yet to be in a setting that has had decent karaoke. I feel as if I'm missing out.

  • Reply Hipstercrite February 17, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    @Doug- No no. I made it seem real on purpose! It was me. It is a story I'm working on, but didn't want people to know that. I wanted to get their feedback not knowing that it wasn't real. I had kindergartner teacher named Mrs. Stratton too!

  • Reply IT February 17, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    …and your reply to Doug about Sin mag just peeled another layer from the onion.
    Fiction without phoniness is as good as we can expect, maybe even better. What I mean is that it is honest.

  • Reply Jill February 17, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    I like this "about you" post better than the cheesy surveys I do πŸ˜€ It's much more real and I feel like I know you better already πŸ˜€ I used to love highlights mag. I remember i submitted a poem when I was about 8 and was crushed when I got the rejection letter lol.

  • Reply Boomka February 17, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    I am all for self revelation on the blog, I mean, within reason and all. The way I see it, is if you talk about it and can make fun of yourself for it, well you take all the emphasis for it. So I will say that appreciate you welcoming everyone into your blogsophere with open… keyboards?

  • Reply Christina In Wonderland February 17, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    Yes. I want to know if you ever plan to sell your soul on e-bay. You would catch a very fetching price for it, my dear. πŸ™‚

  • Reply Stephen K February 17, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    If nothing else, you sound like the kind of person that would be FASCINATING to talk to. Though your film choices are a little left of centre (aside from Annie Hall, everyone MUST love Annie Hall, right?) but I expected nothing different.

  • Reply Seattle Kim D February 17, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    This was awesome, it's really fun to get to know more about the woman behind the curtain. Super cute photo with Jeff Goldblume!

  • Reply the eternal worrier February 18, 2010 at 1:47 am

    Hey that was a good idea, telling us more about your life. If it’s not too personal, what do you do in the film industry? I worked in post production neg cutting and editing for over 10 years and loved it. Working in Covent Garden and Soho in London was fantastic and every time I go back to the city (like yesterday) I regret that it’s over.

  • Reply Barbara February 18, 2010 at 3:48 am

    Your Grandma is really 83???? Wow, she looks fantastic!

  • Reply Colleen February 18, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    Lauren, I can honestly say, I like you even more now.

  • Reply cjschlottman February 18, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    Lauren, Thanks for opening up and letting us have a peek at who you are. That takes courage, really. I also want to read more about your work in the film industry. I have a stepdaughter who works, usually as a set buyer and designer. She's currently between movies.

  • Reply P.T February 18, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    Oh I check stoves too…and at night I'll get up from my bed (minimum 2x) to check if I've locked up everything…Paranoid…:S

    Nice post btw! πŸ™‚

  • Reply Taylor February 18, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Hi, i just got my blog on blogger.com and i can't think of a name for it. I admire yours a lot and i was wondering if you had any suggestions?

  • Reply Hipstercrite February 18, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    @Taylor- Urban dictionary is always a good place to find fun lingo.!

  • Reply Summer February 18, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    My mom's name is also Brenda, and I also have always liked the movie "The Jerk" since I was very young. Also I am jealous of your Jeff Goldblum encounter. With anyone else, that would be creepy. How does he do it?! haha

  • Reply Taylor February 19, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Haha, thanks that is a good idea. I have this one that i'm using but i might change it now!

  • Reply bard February 20, 2010 at 5:19 am

    What a fantastic family! Kudos to you.

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