Children: One daughter and one granddaughter
Likes: dressing nicely, wearing heels to the gym, and preparing beautiful meals that you cannot touch
Dislikes: “people who pretend they are something that they are not.”
Grandmother’s Special Friend
Religion: Passive Jew
Children: 3 sons, 2 stepsons, and 4 grandchildren
Likes: “people who pretend they are something that they are not and are good at it.”
Dislikes: “…you know….things…”
Nickname: As a child, she self-proclaimed her nickname to be “Spooky” due to her obsession with The X-files. Unfortunately, she was the only one that called herself that.
Religious Affiliation: Passive Jew (thanks to Grandmother)
Occupation: Perpetual assistant in the film industry
Relationship Status: Dating Special Gentleman Friend (different from Grandma’s “Special Friend”)
Likes: dancing to Michael Jackson in inappropriate situations.
Dislikes: people who don’t pay attention to her dancing to Michael Jackson in inappropriate situations.
Small, lonely town in Upstate NY.
Lauren decides to cook Grandma and Lionel Thai food because they have never tried it.
Lionel, what we ate tonight was tufo. You’ve had tufo before.
Yeah, Nan, it’s tofu!
Shut the hell up, Lionel.
Nan! How can you say that to me?
Fast forward to tomorrow morning.
Lauren, that tufo has made me go to the bathroom five times now.
Lauren, Mom, Grandma, Grandma’s Special Friend sit down for Christmas Eve dinner at The Community Restaurant.
Are you a man or woman?
Can you get me the tallest glass of vodka and cranberry please?
Lauren, Mom, Grandma, and Grandma’s Special Friend sit down at a makeshift table planted in the middle of the living room for Christmas Dinner.
Oh Lionel, you’re always wishing you were dead.
No I don’t!
Oh, yes you do. I always hear you saying, “Dear God, please take me now.”
That’s because I’m trying to cut a deal with him.
God doesn’t cut deals.
Yes, he does. He’s Jewish
Dear God, please forgive us.
To be continued….