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Hipstercrite Life

A Story About Drinking

I rarely drink anymore.

Because of that, this post is spawned from the fact that I spent most of yesterday morning barfing up the Janis Joplin– hemp seed veggie patty, Tillamook cheese and avocado- at Austin’s beloved burger spot, Hopdoddy. I had three drinks of tequila and my body was all like, “WTF is this stingy crap going through my veins?” and decided to violently discard whatever it could find resting in my body which was mostly seeds and nuts. Lemme tell you, seeds and nuts feeling like freakin’ barbed wire travelling up your windpipe at the speed of sound. Between the liquor and the texture of the nuts, it feels like someone taking a Brillo Pad and going, “Scrape, scrape, scrape! Wee, wee, wee!”

When you get out of the habit of drinking, things like instant naptime or ralphing are common.

I never was a big drinker to begin with.

Considering I come from a family of non-drinkers that have the ability to drink two sips of wine and then laugh for five minutes while they (more…)