Writing

Jesus Was a Hipster

My friend, Johanna, over at FashionJargan, shared with me a delightful new website called Hipster is the New Homeless.

You can pretty much guess what it is.

I was going to post some images from the website, but realized that I had so many of my own wonderful pictures of to chose from! I have not asked a single one of my friends below if it’s ok to use their image. Not a one. I’m not sure what they will be more offended about- me saying they look “homeless” or “hipstery”. Probably will lose some friends over this. Yep.

are those two 40’s in there or are you just happy to see me?
fuck off, this is MY hot dog

come to think of it, jesus was the first homeless hipster, wasn’t he?

no caption necessary

whaaa do you mean i pissed mmmyself?
we really should have hopped that train to Santa Monica

east side 4 eva

someone come up with a caption for me, i can’t think of anything
this is what begging for change in Austin looks like

please sir….
December 3, 2009 by
Writing

Rotten Shark Meat in Yo Mustache


My Grandmother introduces her boyfriend of twelve years as “my great…friend”. Not “my boyfriend” or “my 82 year-old Jewish lover” or “the dude I sued because my heel got caught in an uprooted tile in the building he owns and we started dating soon after that”, but something that requires a long pause before finishing the sentence.

My Grandmother does this mostly due to her embarrassment of Lionel’s barking in public. The barking is typically followed by a swift slap to my Grandma’s surprisingly firm 83 year-old ass, then loud commentary to no one in particular about how he’s dating an “old lady”. He’ll then feign falling over, bark some more, and at this point the owner of whatever establishment they’re in, politely asks Lionel to leave. My Grandma will stand there in her teal angora shoulder padded sweater dress smiling away, when really she’s fantasizing about lining Lionel and her two ex-husbands against a wall and beating them with her treasured marbled elephant from Algiers.
I’ve been (more…)
November 30, 2009 by
Writing

Go E.A.S.T., Young Man

Once a year, the studios and galleries of East Austin open up their doors and share with you the magic of the local art scene. This past weekend over 154 studios participated in the East Austin Studio Tour. If you missed out, don’t worry, E.A.S.T. has expanded until next weekend, so make sure you stop by!

Our space was lucky enough to be included in the newly added Preview night which enabled art collectors to preview artists’ work before anyone else. Here are pictures below. We were fortunate to have a variety of unique and talented artists showcase their work.


Photograph by Leah Ross

Art by Andrea Barringer

Art by Justin Wright

Artist Jen Bradley

Art by Eric Schoen


Me me me and my tiny photos

November 16, 2009 by
Writing

Chocolate Candy Jesus Christ

It takes a lot for me to get excited about a new band. Which is interesting because I live in Austin, TX- one of the best places to see new and pre-fucked by the diseased penis’ of major corporations music. However, I’m super stoked to check out the sold-out Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros at The Independent @ 501 Studios tonight. So stoked that I put on my recently purchased 60’s cream tunic for the show tonight, totally not realizing that I now look like Luke Skywalker.

 
Not only is this band exciting and unique, but for me, they tap into my deeply rooted fascination with the faux traveling-Evangelical-Americana-thang. I would totally change my name to “Iyzebel” and leave my life behind to travel on the road with this band. I would concoct some sort of “miracle drink” and hock it on the side of the road wearing a dress made out of rice bags.

 
Every aspect of their music- the gazillion member band, the diversity of their voices, the layers of traditional and uncommonly used (more…)
November 6, 2009 by
Writing

This Must be the Place- American Psycho Style

My super charming, middle-aged best friend from Germany who once froze a dead cat (not for sadistic purposes, but because he didn’t want the owner to think it passed away so quickly on his watch, so he was going to microwave it right before the owner came home from vacation) thinks I’m ahead of the curve when it comes to the movie/music/art scenes.

That is a fallacy.
I only give the illusion that I am. Just like how many people think I’m tall because I’ve been wearing heels since I was 13 (like my grandmother, which practice recently got her in trouble on the treadmill and she fell and broke her wrist). I’m typically anywhere from 2-6 months behind which is why this blog will never be on the cutting edge for knowledge thirsty hipsters. Unless you want to know anything about Pee-Wee Herman, then I’m super on the ball.
So, I’m SURE you’ve already seen this video below. I typically don’t post videos on my blog (unless it’s Pee-Wee Herman), but this one I just can’t resist. It sandwiches together (more…)
November 5, 2009 by
Writing

Hairy Gay Men

 

As I anxiously await the Austin Bloggers Bleet-Up tomorrow, I’ve been biding my time (i.e. becoming categorically obsessed) with checking my blog referrals. I feel like I’ve suddenly been given a super human power. The power of peering into the human psyche and realizing that the entire world is one giant gay man.
Do you know the most commonly searched item in where my blog pops up, is “Hairy Gay Men” or “hairygaymen” (for you lazy people who don’t like to hit the space bar, or does combining the words together symbolize some kinky shit that I don’t understand?). Other search items are variations of the former such as “OLD GAY MEN ON VACATION PICTURES” and “Sailor Gay Man“.
My favorite searches are probably “My roommate is like the one in Single White Female” and “Ice Buckets in Downtown L.A.” (who Googles that?….or does it symbolize some kinky shit that I don’t understand?)
Other honorbale mentions include:
Caleb Followill Sexy Dancing
Ruth Fisher Worst Character
November 4, 2009 by
Austin

Austin Bleet-Up

I’m sure you’re all getting sick of me gushing about Austin.
Tough shit.
One of the many reasons why this town rocks is the blogging community. Not only have they welcomed me in with open arms, but they’ve also spread my name around town (good thing I haven’t slept with any of them).
Thanks to Austin Eavesdropper, I’ll finally get to put faces to the blogs this Thursday at the Austin Bleet-Up at the Mohawk. Make sure to RSVP.
For all of you folks wishin’ you lived in such a cool town, see what you’re missing! Here is a list of some of the best bloggers, scenesters, and movers and shakers in Austin.
Austin friends, who am I forgetting? I still don’t know everyone yet…
Also, if you’re an Austin blogger and we haven’t met, send me your URL.

-Austin Eavesdropper– Mama blogger of Austin. If you want to know what’s going on in town, this blog is a must.
-Sailor Legs– One of my new favorite Austin bloggers that I can’t wait to actually talk to (instead of shout at while both costumed).
-Party Ends(more…)
November 2, 2009 by
Writing

Snot Pouring Out of My Nose

I enthusiastically signed up to show creations at the Art Night Austin on November 12th totally forgetting that I am not an artist.
I’ve thought about doing a macaroni portrait of Pee-Wee Herman, but figured that that would take too long to create. Also, I wouldn’t want to sell it to anyone. I’d want to hang it above my bed next to the Frank Zappa mask I made for my “General Religion” course in college. Our final project was to make plaster masks of our faces, put the masks under our pillows and dream on them, and then paint the dream on the mask. I dreamt that I was Frank Zappa.
A Frank Zappa mask earned me an overall A+ in a religion course.
Who said college is a waste of time?
One project that I’ve flirted around with is doing something with all the drunk photos I took of myself during my 22nd year of life. Now these aren’t sexy drunken photos (but are they really ever?). These are bottom-of-the-barrel-crying-like-a-little-bitch-swollen-nose-drooling-lying-on-the-floor-moaning photos. (more…)
October 29, 2009 by
Austin

Halloween, FlipScene-Style

Well it seems that everyone and their mother has been talking about the FlipScene Halloween Bash w/ Neiliyo, Learning Secrets, Markus with a K et al. tonight at The Mohawk. I will be there snapping shots for Chrontourage, most likely dressed as this guy:

So if you see a Chuck Bass walking around with a scotch in one hand and a Canon Rebel in the other, please say hi. I can’t wait to meet some of you (only some).
October 28, 2009 by
Writing

The Mystery Man

I looked down on the shelf and saw Robert Blake looking back up at me.

He was dressed in a police uniform and had a very intense look on his face. The sort of stare that actors in the 60’s gave to add depth to their performance. Like Zoolander.
I picked up the VHS box for “Electra Glide in Blue” and felt my heart pinch just a little.
Then a combination of guilt and disgust quickly washed it away.
“You know, I’ve never seen this movie,” I said to Marc, tapping the empty box on my arm.
Marc works at I Luv Video in Austin. One of the largest independent movie rental houses in the country and where Quentin Tarantino will most likely be buried . Marc and I went to film school together and lost touch until we met up in L.A. He was in a band, I was in the film business. We cuddled to “Funeral” by Arcade Fire. He left the band to do some sort ecological job that I can never recall. I left the film business to stop myself from driving my car off the PCH. We lost touch and wandered around (more…)
October 21, 2009 by