Lessons I Learned From The Movies of My Childhood

When someone asks me what my top ten favorite movies of all time are, I generally list eight films that make up a large chunk of my childhood from the ages of 4-8 (the other two films involve sadomachsim and a rock star wearing a giant suit that I watched between the ages of 16-19).
Below are a few movies from my childhood that are not only my favorites due to sentimental reasons, but also because of the hard-hitting life lessons they taught me growing up. They are movies that every kid should watch.
I know for certain if and when I bring a little one into this world, I will force him or her to watch every one of these movies every day for the first ten years of their life.
Every day.
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
Lesson 1: That all clowns- whether real or mechanical- are freakin’ scary as crap! They’ll oversee the stealing of your bike, then laugh at you maniacally when you realize it’s been stolen.
Lesson 2: That people will laugh at your lack of high school American history knowledge- even if they sound like white trash themselves.
Lesson 3: That people will pump you full of tequila and get you to dance awkwardly on a bar and laugh at you.

Moral of the story: People will laugh at you every opportunity they get, but not for the fact that you’re a grown man in a tiny suit whose greatest love has been that of inanimate object.
Back to the Future
Lesson 1: That it’s wise to check any potential mate’s family ancestry before going to town with them.
Lesson 2: That hooking up with your Mom creates a magical photo erasing power.
Lesson 3: That your Dad was most likely a perv growing up and may or may not have nabbed your Mom by doing pervy things because she’s into dudes that get hurt when doing pervy things, i.e. your parents are sexual weirdos.
Moral of the Story: Incest is wrong, unless you need to Photoshop a picture and don’t have access to Photoshop.
Lesson 1: That there is a good chance the building you lived in was once a meeting place for cult members who worshipped a tiny dog with horns that lives in your fridge.
Lesson 2: That when someone asks if you are a God, YOU SAY “YES!”
Lesson 3: That if you see a ghost, there is a chance you could just be menstruating.
Moral of the story: Rick Moranis is hot.
Lesson 1: That precocious children are not to be trusted with statue penises.
Lesson 2: That lifting your shirt up and shaking what’s underneath will gain you access to anywhere.
Lesson 3: Don’t sing “Rock a Bye Baby” to a mental challenged child who is mentally challenged due to you dropping him (thanks Muse)

Moral of the story: Don’t have children, unless they look or act like Data. Then you’ll just want to hug and kiss him after every cute little word that comes out of their tiny mouth.
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  • Reply Sheritta July 26, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    "There's no basement in the Alamo!" is one of my favorite movie quotes of all time… Also, something I learned from PW Big Adventure: No matter where you go in Texas,(I live in Beaumont) if you mutter the phrase "The stars at night are big and bright," someone will finish.
    Thank you for reminding me of these great movies!

  • Reply Emily July 26, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    ZEUL! God I love Ghostbusters, I wish I had some crazy thing in my fridge. And Corey Feldman in The Goonies is still my idol, with his purple rain t-shirt. Count how many times they say "hey you guys" next time you watch it, it's ridiculous!
    Back to the Future has the best soundtrack ever! Words cannot describe how much I love Huey Lewis and the News.
    And I think we've covered my love of Pee-Wee.

  • Reply - B July 26, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    This made me laugh so hard. Not only from your hilarious lessons, but from my memories of these movies in general. And who doesn't love Ghostbusters or The Goonies? Best post I've read all day. ^_^

  • Reply Emily Ann July 26, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Honestly Pee Wee's Big Adventure is top of my list also. I think I watched it everyday for a good couple years growing up. Well until cousin traumatized me by swinging my pull string Pee Wee doll by the ceiling fan. I was too distraught to watch it for awhile. And frankly Power of Love my main ring tone, I still love Slimer and I made my employee to the truffle shuffle before he could leave work a few days ago.
    One of my favorite posts!

  • Reply Randall July 26, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Brilliant list. Though, once again, I feel like I missed a pretty important train on this whole Goonies thing.

    Also? YES!

  • Reply Sophie Neutron July 26, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    "Moral of the story: Rick Moranis is hot" Love it!
    He's one guy that could almost turn me (especially in that picture)…I LOVE geeks!

  • Reply Jo July 26, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Back to the Future – oh man, so many life lessons… Can you believe, some people not only didn't see this film when they were kids, but still *haven't* seen it to this day?

    True story.

    I'm not friends with these people anymore. It's too weird.

  • Reply laurenne July 26, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    We ARE the same person. I love all these movies.
    Except I would have added 'Revenge of the Nerds,' from which I learned a very valuable lesson: Men are gross and all they want to do is pick their noses and see your tits.

    Also, I don't think Moranis is hot. Sorry.
    ALMOST the same person.

  • Reply allison July 26, 2010 at 8:33 pm


  • Reply Corte Inglesa July 26, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    Yes yes yes. But your list is missing 'The Lost boys'. Best movie ever. The quotes: "Death by stereo!" "You're a vampire Mike, my own brother a blood-sucking vampire. You just wait till mom finds out." The lessons? Don't drink suspicious looking blood-like liquid when Kiefer Sutherland offers it to you. Don't invite vampires into your house, it renders you powerless. And always have your dog next to you when you're in the bath

  • Reply Roxanne and Lorraine July 26, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    I think I was watching all the wrong movies. Looking at your list and realizing that Back to the Future is the only one I can claim to have mostly watched makes me sd. 🙁

    Although, learning how to sing impossibly cute songs in the face of a Nazi invasion is a pretty usefull lesson. Thanks Sound of Music! That was my all time fave.


  • Reply Hipstercrite July 27, 2010 at 2:18 am

    @Sheritta- PWBA is my #1 fave movie. When I moved to Austin and went to a drive-in of PWBA, I rolled over laughing when every single person in the audience screamed the line from that song.

    @Emily- I had the BTTF soundtrack growing up. I loved the Lindsey Buckingham song on there.

    @B- Awww thank you!

    @Emily Ann- My Pee-Wee Herman doll's voicebox broke. He sounds like he's high on helium now.

    @Randall- Yes, you did.

    @Sophie- I love geeks too!!!

    @Jo- I don't know if I could be friends with those people too.

    @Laurenna- If you just let yourself give in to the Moranis, you'll see….

    @Allison- Thank you!!!

    @Corte- That IS a great movie, but it didn't have the same impact for me. I do need to watch it again though.

    @Lorraine- OH MY GOD! You must run out and see Pee-Wee's Big Adventure right now!!!

  • Reply Hampton Rhodes July 27, 2010 at 6:46 am

    the only one i havent seen is peewee's big adventure. I think this is a direct congruency of our personalities.

  • Reply Christopher July 27, 2010 at 8:57 am

    I think these are the favorite movies of every kid in our generation. Now I need to go see if they are all streaming on netflix… must … watch…

  • Reply Angie July 27, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    I agree with all of these! There are definitely movies that will become part of my parenting style, because I'll insist on showing them to my kids. Also, I always love when you write about movies 🙂

  • Reply The Daring Domesticate July 27, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    I loved reading about your movie picks. (I am also a huge Pee Wee Herman fan!)

    Also, I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for an award! Check out my blog to get your award.

  • Reply Christina In Wonderland August 6, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    Wait? So I'm not the only person in the world who totally thinks Rick Moranis is geexy? (Yes. That's a word. I made it up. I couldn't combine geeky and sexy in a better way. So sue me. But please don't. I have no money.)

  • Reply Hey Dinosaur! August 10, 2010 at 3:44 am

    I don't know who I'd be today if I didn't watch every one of these films religiously as a kid. And I also think it's pop culture like this that has made we children of the late-70s/early-80s the WEIRDEST fucking generation of people EVER.

    To completely relive my childhood, I would organize a 3-day weekend where I watch all four of those movies, and then I would add Pump Up The Volume, The Empire Strikes Back, and Temple of Doom (Data is awesome in this movie too!). Movie Heaven.

  • Reply Peter September 4, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Childhood Memories

    thanks god for be a child in the 80`s

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