Mama Don’t Take My Kodachrome Away

When coming across new blogs, I’m constantly surprised to see that many people are more narcissistic than myself.
That is a tough chew to swallow (is that an expression?)
I mean, I thought no one could love themselves more than me.
My love knows no boundaries.
It’s blinding.
However, I’m finding that people in deed love to take pictures of themselves. In the bathroom, in the car, in the bedroom… wherever they can get it.
I kind of feel like I’m denying the world of something now.
So in honor of the art of self-lovin’, here are classic forms of narcissism caught in their natural state (tell me if I’m forgetting anything):
1.) Bathroom Mirror Shot– (male and female, worse for males)- I hate these photos so much, I almost refused to take one as a joke. Tell me, who still does this? I don’t want to see the contents of your bathroom. I understand that you may have the photography skills of an intoxicated primate but you look like a dude from Jersey. Put your shirt back on. Oh wait, you are a dude from Jersey.

2.) Driving Shot (males and females)- These shots will never look good because you’re too self-conscious about passerbys thinking you’re that asshole that is taking pictures of themselves while driving.

3.) Hipster “I Have Polio In My Legs” Shot (females and effeminate males)- You know what I’m talking about. Every single photo in Lookbook is what. When did scoleosis become in?
4.) The Hipster “Oops I Crapped My Pants Shot” (female)- at an attempt at seeming innocent and caught of guard, most young females end up looking like they shat themselves. Now I understand why bloomers are back in style.
5.) The Kissy Shot– I can’t find the words for this one.

6.) The Cleavage Shot- typically involves cleavage, but when you don’t have any, you try to make it.

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  • Reply DIRTY SHORTS April 26, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Good for you …I've got no balls to show my mug on the web .
    Okay ,I did it once, and that was good enough .
    Have fun ,and nice pics my blogger friend .

  • Reply VegKat April 26, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Ugh! I HATE those bathroom mirror shots! Everytime I see one I want to punch myself in the face. Excellent job of including panty liners and tampons in yours.

  • Reply Krystal April 26, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    this kinda made my day – i enjoyed it immensely. you should organize a "take your best hipster photo day" using those categories – that would be hiiiiilarious!

  • Reply Behind the Couch April 26, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Hahaha, this was splendid. The face you made in the cleavage shot seems that it would be more fitting in the "oops I crapped my pants" shot.

  • Reply b.a.s. April 26, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    I LOVE YOUR BLOG. I laughed out loud as these are things that I have always wondered about/can't help make fun of. It reminded me of a post I wrote back in july: http://www.peterspoison.com/2009/07/edgar-youre-skin-is-hangin-off-your.html.

  • Reply Lexa April 26, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Hahahaha this was hilarious. Thanks for making my day!

  • Reply rae April 26, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    Best post ever. I agree with you. Especially that broken legs one. The creepiest part of it is that you have to ask another human being to help you with it, thus implicating at least one more person in the suck.

  • Reply The Scrybe April 26, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Haha, this made me laugh 😀

  • Reply Sarah xo April 26, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    You outted half of the people on the internet with your photo-by-numbers! Absolutely brilliant. The cleavage one is killer and your driving one is actually a lot more endearing than those 'real' shots hanging around the megaweb.

  • Reply Amy April 26, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    I lol'd at the "polio legs" one. And I agree with Rae's post above–I think it's funny that most blogger girls seem to make their boyfriends take their fashion photos.

    If I asked my boyfriend to take pictures of me looking like that (standing in front of a graffiti'd wall, or on some train tracks, or near some fallen tree somewhere) to post on my blog, he'd laugh RIGHT in my face.

  • Reply Benny April 26, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Haha so true! Most I have definitely noticed, but I hadn't noticed the polio legs or the driving shots until you pointed them out. Not as blatantly forced as others but definitely weirder!

  • Reply starcakeastrology.blogspot.com April 26, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    LOL i love the pantyliners on the bathroom counter and the gold wallpaper… are you topless in the driving shot? the polio legs shot is dead on!!!! OMG i think one day you could publish your blog like that book i saw at urban outfitters called "stuff white people like" that is so funny. i love it!

  • Reply Natalie Tischler April 26, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    So true! Thanks for the laugh. Love your blog!

  • Reply miss Yelpington April 26, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    haha so true this was really funny xxx

  • Reply Claire Marie April 26, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Pahaha I love the cleavage shot.

    This is hilarious.

  • Reply eef April 26, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    your cleavage shot looks just like mine!


    I love this post! =]

  • Reply Randall April 26, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    The bathroom mirror shots kill me too. I made a significant change to my appearance recently, and with no one to take a snapshot of me I retreated into the multi-mirrored bathroom with my phone to show my friends what I'd done.

    I cringe when I see the two puff-balls hanging in the background. I am lucky that hacking off all my hair is enough that I'm probably the only one to notice.

  • Reply cjschlottman April 26, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    Hey, Girlie, You always seem to come up with an hilarious post just when I need a laugh! My favorite? "Oops I Crapped My Pants Shot" I see it everywhere.

  • Reply Allie April 26, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    although bathroom shots are by far the worst, i think any pictures that involve using a mirror or aiming a camera at yourself are largely egotistical and completely pathetic. they never come out very well AND if your arm appears in the shot it usually looks awkward.

  • Reply Katy April 26, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    I pretty much loved this blog, it's so true. Good job.

  • Reply Christine Macdonald April 26, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    When you're right, you're right.

    By the way:

    1 – You are stunning.
    2 – We both quoted Simon and Garfunkle on the same day.
    3 – We rock.

  • Reply Matt Conlon April 26, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    One of the more common variations on the kissy face includes the peace sign, I've noticed.

    As an aside, I like your counter top. Very nice.

  • Reply Barbara April 26, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    My sister has every one of these shots on her facebook page.

  • Reply tomgfoto April 26, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Hmm… in regards to the driving shot:
    I think the passerby's were probably shocked by the fact that you're not wearing a shirt rather than thinkin you're an asshole.

  • Reply WILDasaMINK April 26, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    I love this! I'm so completely guilty of all of these except for the driving shot, and that's just because I don't own a car and rarely get to drive. I'll have to take that one for a test drive next time I rent a car.

  • Reply Sapphira Nikolayevna April 26, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    Though I love documenting my styling ideas/DIY collection – and my bf does in fact take photos of me near bum-shatted corners and cracks, I ended up laughing my head off to your post.

  • Reply Paula April 26, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    These things, they needed to be said.

  • Reply Austin Eavesdropper April 26, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    YES! I have always wondered who is taking the pictures with posed pictures. I'm guilty of posing some of myself but I always use a crappy camera with timer, would NEVER EVER ask my own husband to take pics. He would die laughing if I ever attempted to "pose."

    Anyway, you are:

    A) Gorgeous as a blond (! – when did this happen??)

    B) Spot-on about bathroom pics. I associate those with the era of MySpace. (Sorry, MySpace).

  • Reply Austin Eavesdropper April 26, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    LOL…"taking the pictures with posed pictures"

    I am too tired right now to even correct the disgraceful grammar happening there, so suffice it to say: "you know what I mean."

  • Reply zachary April 26, 2010 at 11:49 pm

    Seriously, they should really try to write more. I've seen blogs of this kind. I mean, they just post up a couple of their pics and a sentence of two of words, man how am i gonna comment?
    Oh..you look lovely. Oh..you look cute. Oh..you look…….on and on and on about how they look.
    you actually want comments from others on how you look? Seriously.

    Thanks for this timely reminder.
    Hey, that cleavage shot is hilarious. More like constipating haha..

  • Reply Madeline April 26, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Haha you've absolutely captured the shots perfectly!! I agree, people are really narcissistic and self-centered, but it is probably because it's the only way to be. The only way we experience things are through our own bodies and so that is why we have such high values of our selves on an individual level.

  • Reply Erin April 27, 2010 at 2:24 am

    Love it! Have you ever been to the antiduckface website? It is pretty funny…loads of pics w/ gals and gus w/ fake tans making the kissy face and looking like idiots.

  • Reply Ash April 27, 2010 at 2:49 am

    The cleavage shot is great. lmao… and one I'm guilty of unfortunately….

  • Reply Elle April 27, 2010 at 3:23 am

    HA HA. Love the Lookbook reference. You are so right. What the hell?

  • Reply Elle April 27, 2010 at 3:24 am

    Also. Perhaps I am guilty of the "in the car" photo. HOWEVER, I have both hands on the wheel. In other words, I didn't take the photo myself. 🙂

  • Reply HD April 27, 2010 at 4:11 am

    Lol. Good thing I don't have those pictures on my blog. They're all on Facebook.

  • Reply Willy April 27, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    thanks for addressing the Kissy face. It needed to be said.

  • Reply Gemma Woodcock April 27, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    Brilliant!! I laughed so hard reading this… I despise bloggers who take photographs of themselves disguising their vanity as some form of 'art'

  • Reply kate April 28, 2010 at 1:33 am

    dude, so funny.

    thanks for voicing something i secretly ponder. the bathroom ones are the worst.

    it's bad enough just taking one…then to post it. ha

  • Reply The mad woman behind the blog April 28, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Best Post Ever! And thanks for bringing a little Simon and Garfunkle into my day. Love that song.

  • Reply emily April 28, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    HAHAHA the Kissy Face! I know a girl who ONLY takes KF photos and I'm convinced it's because she is trying to make her face look slimmer…except that in reality, it just makes her face just look more ridiculous.

  • Reply girluntitled April 29, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    THANK YOU. a woman after my own heart.


  • Reply Jessica Druck May 3, 2010 at 5:16 am

    Hahah! Love this! You're great!

  • Reply JP May 4, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    You forgot the anyone who has mentioned photography as an interest/hobby/profession has to have a picture of themselves taking a picture of the person taking a picture of them…

  • Reply M.S.Gouda May 4, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    So perfect. What about the I'm-out-trying-to-get-laid-up-in-the-club-but-trying-to-not-look-like-Im-trying-too-hard shots. Classic.

  • Reply zachary May 6, 2010 at 6:52 am

    hey, i have an award for you..

  • Reply Ells May 10, 2010 at 5:28 am

    OKcupid.com did a really interesting survey on how successful different types of photos are on dating profiles. Shockingly, horrifyingly, the pouty face self portrait and the cleav shot were incredibly successful for women.

    Sometimes the internet makes me want to cut out my ovaries.

  • Reply Anastasia May 19, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    like the cleavage shot. and the broken leg one. its so true. Or the demure I'm so shy I can't look at the camera but I can post pictures of me on my blog.

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