Talk About Bum Cakes My Girl’s Got ‘Em

As you all probably know, American Apparel is currently searching for “The Best Bottom in the World!” Commentary on this contest is moot considering it does all the talking for itself.
I’ve combed through over 1200 butts to find you my favorites. Thoughts?
(P.S.- If you get a chance, please check out my post at Alternative Apparel today and let me know your thoughts)

Ginger was surprised at how much the tree tasted like snozberries.

Finally fed up with not being able to get her shirt on, Suzy left the house and was quickly mounted by a neighborhood kid who mistook her for a pony.

Seeing a large American Apparel billboard while walking down Sunset Boulevard, Lindsey had an epiphany. “Is that what I look like?!” she shouted into the air. She promptly turned around and threw up in the nearest trash can.

Steve refused to look out the window and see a world where Geraldo Rivera impersonators are not accepted.

Dana’s lifelong dream of becoming a My Little Pony was finally taking shape.

The ideology of butt contests made Jason go into a deep and unforgiving despair.

Julie was afraid that if she stopped running, gravity would soon catch up to her ass and therefore no longer make her relevant.
“Honey, I think there is something on my back, can you see what it is?”
“Daddy, can I put my shirt back on? It’s cold.”

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  • Reply Doppelgänger February 19, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    Epic pic captions. :)) Kudos for that.

  • Reply The Mad Hatter February 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    I am 100% hetero, so I feel extremely comfortable in saying Steve.

  • Reply Kate February 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    As the cool kids these days would say: ROFL! 🙂

    Kate x

  • Reply Apryl February 19, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Ok guy on treadmill is my fave.

  • Reply Christine Macdonald February 19, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    I love it when modern technology is used for good and not evil. Fun!

  • Reply IT February 19, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    I think I've gone blind. It was nothing but asses and elbows.

  • Reply Daynya February 19, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    hahahahahaha. daddy it's cold. hahahahahaha.

  • Reply The Mad Dame February 19, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    I think you post has become Rule 34.

  • Reply Hipstercrite February 19, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    @Doppelganger- Thank you for that!

    @Mad Hatter- I think he's my favorite too

    @Kate- Thanks, Kate!

    @Apryl- Me too!

    @Kiki- Hahaha….

    @IT- I like the BBQ

    @Daynya- Doesn't it look like that?

    @The Mad Dame- I had to look that one up! Lol!

  • Reply the eternal worrier February 19, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    Ha Ha…. Steve wins!!

  • Reply VegKat February 19, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Julie is awesome, but boy in pink panties (Jason) is lovely, too.

  • Reply AVY February 19, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Sorry but that wasn't pretty.

  • Reply Benny Paul February 19, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    Before reading this post, I was semi-curious about said American Apparel stunt, but thanks to you, I no longer need to actually check out A.A. to be satisfied. Thanks!

    Btw I appreciated the "city guide" post. Good combination of statistical facts and one-liners that, in regard to the cities I know, are pretty accurate. Good to be reminded of just how many other cities are out there that are not NYC.

  • Reply Hannah Miet February 19, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    My favorite but is the boy in despair over butt contests. Mostly because of the competition.

    The last caption turns me on.

    Dear God, there is something wrong with me.

    I kind of want to enter this, but I won't.

  • Reply Hannah Miet February 19, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    I meant "mostly because of caption."


  • Reply Hipstercrite February 19, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    @Eternal Worrier- I think he's the fan fave fo'sho (though he is one of the lowest rated on the actual Amer App website)

    @Vegkat- I actually picked the lowest rated pics on Amer App. You should see the highest rated ones. Wow!

    @Avy- Yeah, butts typically aren't pretty.

    @Benny Paul- Thanks for checking out the other article. I really appreciate you constant interest. It means a lot.

    @Hannah- Please submit a photo. Please.

  • Reply Polly Syllabick February 20, 2010 at 12:54 am

    I am obsessed with this post. Genius captions. These are what those old MAXIM mag's "caption this pic" could have been (Read: funny) if they'd let witty women write that stuff instead of guys typing with one hand…

  • Reply Kait February 20, 2010 at 2:48 am

    "'Is that what I look like?!' she shouted into the air. She promptly turned around and threw up in the nearest trash can."

    Perfect. Just, perfect.

  • Reply cjschlottman February 20, 2010 at 3:27 am

    I want to know where to find the guy on the treadmill! Such great images, Lauren. I agree with Kait about throwing up in the trash can. Could easily been me and most of my friends.

  • Reply Anodyne Press February 21, 2010 at 2:42 am

    I'm no where near 100% hetero, so I feel extremely comfortable saying Julie. And Jason.

  • Reply That Chelsea Girl™ February 21, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    Bawhaha! Good luck, American Apparel. I wish I had Jessica Biel's butt. I used to have a great butt, then I moved to Texas.

  • Reply T!nK February 21, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    okay. the last one kinda freaked me out. lol.

    is it bad that i think the guy in the pink undies (not the treadmill one) looks kinda hot?

    also, I really like the one of the girl who is "throwing up" in the trash can, lol. That how I want to look. All the time.

  • Reply Amanda West February 22, 2010 at 4:26 am

    Wow. Never looked at so many rear-ends in one sitting.


  • Reply kirstin. February 23, 2010 at 12:20 am

    wow, this totally made my whole week.
    thanks. (: you're too funny!

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