I am a Jew.
A non-practicing Jew.
One of those people that is- according to Judaic Law- Jewish, but yet has only participated in one mind-numbing Seder her entire life. The sort of person who really loves telling people she’s Jewish because she feels that it will help explain certain characteristics and because being part of the Jew Club is cool. Woody Allen? Gene Wilder? The Marx Brothers? They’re my peeps.
My grandmother grew up with her Orthodox Jewish grandmother and after a few years she was like, “f that”. So when she gave birth to my mom, she raised her Barely Christian. Then I came along and that Barely Christian turned into Notta Christian and I’ve been wandering around spiritually aimless for the past 28 years. When you’re young, this doesn’t really matter to you. You think you and everyone you love is immortal. As you start to get older and more jaded, you’re like, “Fuuuuuck, I am going to die. I better figure out where I’m going, otherwise this could get really depressing.”