Are you one of those people that when strangers ask you how life is you draw a complete blank, figuring that life has become so monotonous nothing is worth talking about? You stand there with the faintest bit of drool trickling out of the corner of your mouth and begin zoning in on squirrels playing over the question asker’s shoulder? It physically hurts to think about and articulate the happenings in your life. That physical pain and frustration turns to rage and you begin growling at the person; they run off and you’re left staring into a gaping void known as your life.
Or when a true friend asks you how life is, you scramble to find something to gripe about because you have no idea why? Instead of saying “LIFE IS GRAND!” (which it is) to the question of your well being, you respond with, “Eh, I’m ok. Yeah, just ok. I’m fairly certain the right side of my body is dying with more speed than the left and I’m not sure I ever want to get married or have babies- unless they help drive (more…)
(girl, lemme get you some eye makeup remover)
Whoa, girl, whoa.
Hold onto your still firm butt (bitch!)- it’s about to get all kinds of shitty in here.
You’re excited right now. Excited to begin your adult life in Hollywood, the place you dreamed of going to as a child, but boy oh boy, are you going to feel like the essence of canine fecal matter on the bottom of someone’s shoe very soon.
Your twenties are going to feel like those old wooden roller coaster rides that make you both mentally and psychically ill.
Am I going to throw up? Did someone just throw up on me? Did I just break a rib from being tossed into the side of this rickety coaster car? Will my fate play out like Fabio with a bird smashing into my face? Am I about to be catapulted hundreds of feet into the air and impaled on the little kids’ swirly cup ride?
Life is full of so many questions right now.
You’re going to spend the first half of your twenties drinking alone in your tiny-ass (more…)
The other day, I posted on Hipstercrite’s Facebook page that I had just finished paying off my car, and in a several months, my credit cards too.
I’ve written about debt before; like many twenty-somethings, I’ve been strapped with school loans, credit card and car payments for most of my third decade.
When you’re facing debt, it’s often difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, many mornings you wake up in a cold sweat, suffocating from the heavy blanket of your finances.
I was raised by a fiscally conservative mother who always paid her bills on time. When she pushed me forth into the world that was the only advice she gave me. Fresh out of college, I landed a salaried position in Los Angeles and thought I was set. Boy, was I dumb!
My debt was established in several steps: 1.) I often used my credit card to go out to eat (I was very sad and lonely in LA and didn’t want to be at home) 2.) I foolishly put the down payment of my new car on a credit card and (more…)
Sometimes I think my writing would be much more interesting if I were still a wandering soul.
I used to decry that as a confused early twenty-something my stresses prevented me from thinking creatively. Between the ages of 20 and 25 that I lived in Los Angeles, I did little to release my artistic passions. I was drowning in my self-made cocktail of existentialism and narcissism. Sick of hearing myself talk about my petty, but nonetheless troubling issues caused me to move to another city to “find myself”.
Which I did.
Now I’m boring.
I work from home, forget to change out of my pajamas and garden poorly.
I wouldn’t say that “I’ve figured it all out” though. Who ever does? In many ways, we’re ambling spirtis our entire lives; always searching, always learning and always changing.
However, I’m a far cry from the girl I was five years ago.
The girl at 23 didn’t know what she wanted in a career or in love. She thought she always knew herself, but for the first time (more…)
The best way to begin your transformation into a masochist is by watching the last season of Six Feet Under more than once.
No creation on this planet simultaneously enlightens and destroys you quite like that show did.
I can pretty much attribute my whole weekend being shot to watching those twelve snot bubble-inducing episodes.
I knew what I was in for. I watched the whole series a few years back and recalled that I was completely immobile for two hours after viewing the series finale. A lead weight on the couch, screaming, bawling, unwilling to speak to anyone or move. My appetite was gone and all I wanted to do was stay curled up and die and join everyone in heaven. I had just lost like 8 people I had really gotten to know well and felt like shit.
I decided that I wanted to lose them all over again this weekend.
My mother kept calling me this weekend wondering why she hadn’t heard from me, “Where did you disappear to?” she asked.
“I’m watching a show! I’ll call you (more…)