Last week I realized my site was gone.
Sent to the graveyard of neglected blogs.
I contacted my hosting company, Bluehost, who said, “Sorry you missed a payment and your blog is gone-gone. Like, we totally put it on a row boat, set it on fire, and pushed it out to sea.”
Upon hearing that my blog was dead, a calmness washed over me.
I wasn’t angry or sad–I was mostly stunned.
I’ve had this blog for at least 12 years (I’m too lazy to see when I started it) and losing it felt like a little piece of me drifting into the ether. It is the digital record of my early days as a single, emotionally loud twenty-something assistant living in Los Angeles who moved to Austin to become a writer. It chronicles my slow evolution from working three part-time jobs seven days a week to becoming a working professional to meeting my partner (who I’ve now been with for 8 1/2 years) to writing a movie with him to becoming a full-time writer. The blog is also my repository of pop culture ramblings, thoughts on family & friends and life & death, and essays on anxiety. (There’s also a fair amount of posts on Jeff Goldblum and Rick Moranis.)
Though my blog never had a true theme and was never written in a way to garner legions of fans and copious amounts of money, I’m proud of it and it’s garnered me a lot of work and I love it and I love all the people I’ve met through it. (If you’re reading this, THANK YOU.) Even though I don’t write on this blog much anymore, the thought of it disappearing with the snap of a finger felt equal parts comical and devastating. And also like a major first-world problem. It feels remarkably dumb to be melancholic over losing a blog.
The night I lost my blog, I slept an uneasy sleep, mourning something I spent years creating but obviously never fully owned. I woke up to a phone call from Bluehost’s parent company apologizing for the inconvenience, saying my site was restored and that they would be comping me three months of hosting services. All of this happened because I bitched about it on Twitter. (Twitter is good for some things.)
So now my site is living and breathing again, and I figured I should write on the ol’ gal for Christ’s sake.
I know blogging in general is an antiquated practice (gosh I miss the blogging days of the mid-aughts), and I know I promise myself to write on here more often and I don’t, but I’ll try. I’ll try because I can’t quite let go.