20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

A Poem to My Period

source: Vice Magazine

I’m neither good at writing poems or having periods…

…And I apologize for alienating my entire male audience today.


I hate you!

Like a seal hates the polar bear

You gobble me up

Chew on every inch of me

And when you’re done

You spit me out

Like a wad of flavorless gum


You sit behind my eyes

And knock knock knock

Trying to break down the door

And when that doesn’t work

You travel down to my stomach

Where you perform your exercise:

Chin-ups and sit-ups and spinning and tread


I’ve always underestimated your powers, Period

Your strength is something I can no longer ignore

We all know you, yet we’re victims to your will

You give us so much

Yet take so much away


See that man over there?

I want to punch him in the face.

Want to know why?

You tell me, Period.

You tell me.

You leave me hopeless

And dismal

And angry at the world


We think we have control over you

But in reality we don’t

We’re on the receiving end of your Svengali trip

And there is nothing we can do about it.


Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like


  • Reply Allison May 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    If the poem doesn’t freak out your male readers, that photo certainly will.

    I also have a hate/hate relationship with my period.

    • Reply hipstercrite May 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

      Yeah, and I picked one of the photos that was least “IN YOUR FACE!”. Some others were worst.

  • Reply Joanna May 22, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    What the fuck is up with this period fashion photo spread to which that photo belongs to??

    • Reply hipstercrite May 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

      I know! Isn’t it crazy? I saw it the other day and was immediately like, “Eeewww!”, but like most things Vice does, it got me thinking about it. Damn you, Vice!

  • Reply Tim May 22, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Once you see a baby almost impossibly emerge from a vagina, photos like the above are a lot less disturbing 🙂 You can’t scare me off!

    • Reply hipstercrite May 22, 2012 at 7:10 pm

      Excellent point.

  • Reply Hannah May 22, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    I’m really glad I found this poem today, I’ve been feeling pretty hateful towards my period all week now, and reading this helped lift the tension 😉

    • Reply hipstercrite May 22, 2012 at 7:10 pm

      Good! I hate it so much!

  • Reply Leigh Ann May 22, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    I almost died when I scrolled down to see the rest of the photo. And wretched.

    • Reply hipstercrite May 22, 2012 at 7:10 pm

      Yeah, it’s an interesting photo…

  • Reply Avy May 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    God hates women.

    / Avy

    • Reply hipstercrite May 22, 2012 at 7:09 pm

      God hates periods too.

  • Reply Steph May 22, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Three letters: I. U. D. Haven’t had a period (or a baby) in 7 years, and 3 left to go on I.U.D. number 2, at which point I’ll get another one. Best invention since everything.

    • Reply hipstercrite May 22, 2012 at 7:09 pm


      • Reply Emily Ann May 30, 2012 at 4:49 pm

        Agreed! Heck I’ve had my IUD for less than a year and haven’t had a period in almost 3 months. They gradually got less and my PMS symptoms don’t suck as much either. It’s amazing! Try it!

        • Reply hipstercrite May 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

          Hmmm interesting…

  • Reply girluntitled May 23, 2012 at 1:42 am

    baaaaah i didn’t even notice the bottom of that photo until i read the comments.

    it happens to the best of us…

  • Reply John Poet June 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Once I had a girlfriend who’d mark the calendar with little red skulls & crossbones… (and it wasn’t because she had any interest in pirate radio…)

    I found this to be a boon for me, as I could more effectively schedule my stays in the bomb shelter while placing duct tape firmly over my lips…

    • Reply Michelle November 18, 2012 at 10:33 am

      HaHa Very smart man lol.

    Leave a Reply