Visiting LA was amazing and confusing. I never imagined that I would miss LA, but I do. I think?
This week I visited Los Angeles. It was my first extended trip since I walked away from the city of wandering angels.
I met up with old friends and revisited familiar locations that I abruptly left almost four years ago. Jumping into the past is both energizing and intimidating. Will I feel disconnected from my old friends? Will I want to stay in the past? Will this trip trigger an existential crisis that will leave me curled up in a ball screaming, “Who am I?!?”
The longer I’ve lived away from Los Angeles the more I’ve romanticized it. I conveniently forgot the aimless journey I was taking there, long nights crying myself to sleep or staring at the ocean sky hoping life would finally happen.
I moved to Los Angeles when I was 20 after being offered an assistant position at an actor’s production company. It took me five years to realize that I didn’t want to put someone before me for the rest of my life, and I moved to Austin to take a stab at the one thing I knew for certain I enjoyed — writing. Though I still have a very long way to go, I can’t believe that a goal I set out to achieve (becoming a professional writer) has actually materialized. I would not have been able to do this in LA. Austin has brought me more professional and creative joy than I ever could have dreamed of in Los Angeles.