Hallelujah! Trader Joe’s is coming to Austin!
Here are the top ten reasons I just pissed my pants.
1.) I can finally try whatever the hell this gift from God is:
It tastes like gingerbread AND crushed biscuits! (pic by Chrissie!)
2.) I can pretend that I know a lot about wine because the walls of my house will be lined with Two Buck Chuck.
3.) I will no longer have to overdose on Xanax to fight the hordes of college students while getting lost at HEB Hancock.
4.) When I need a Chinese Orange Chicken fix, I no longer have to drive all the way to Panda Express with the look of a crack addict fighting withdrawal. I can buy this:
5.) I can stop crying on a nightly basis.
6.) I can pretend that I know how to cook because Trader Joe’s has THE MOST AMAZING GOURMET FREEZER FOOD ON THE PLANET!!!!!
7.) I can pull my Hawaiian shirt out of the closet and wear it proudly because a Trader Joe’s style trend will catch like wildfire in Austin.
8.) I can stick my face in this:
9.) I can sleep well at night knowing that magical Trader Joe’s elves are happily employed and able to freely produce their magic on a daily basis.
10.) I can stop feeling culturally inferior to my friends in NYC, Boston, Chicago and LA.