Love of My Life Don’t Leave Me! (Or: How I Hope to Fall in Love With a Mustachioed Gay Man Someday)

Expecting a desperate blog post plea to an ex-boyfriend?
Yeah, I did too.

Nah…I’m referring to the Queen song, “Love of My Life” and how the meaning behind put into perspective a statement that I admitted to myself for the first time recently.

“Love of My Life” was written by Freddie Mercury for Mary Austin.

Who is Mary Austin you ask?

Only the love of Freddie Mercury’s life, duh.

Freddie and Mary were lovers for six years- before and during Queen’s early rise to fame- until Freddie realized that he was as gay as the day is long. However, that didn’t stop Freddie from loving Mary. He bought her a house next door to him and kept her on Queen payroll. Mary went everywhere with Freddie. He became godfather to her children and as he was dying from a grueling battle with AIDs, she was right by his side. When Freddie died, he bequeathed most of his fortune and gargantuan rock star house to Mary (leaving only $500,000 to his long-term boyfriend).

“Our love affair ended in tears,” Freddie was quoted as saying. “But a deep bond grew out of it, and that’s something nobody can take away from us. It’s unreachable. All my lovers ask why they can’t replace her, but it’s simply impossible. The only friend I’ve got is Mary and I don’t want anybody else. To me, she was my common-law wife. To me, it was a marriage. We believe in each other, that’s enough for me.”

“I lost somebody who I thought was my eternal love,” Mary says. “When he died I felt we’d had a marriage. We’d lived our vows. We’d done it for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. You could never have let go of Freddie unless he died- and even then it was difficult.”

The statement I wrote the other night was, “I want to be in love.”
It is a desire I’ve been in denial about for a very long time.
Wanting to experience love is an age-old human instinct, but yet it is something that I’ve been telling myself neither exists nor matters very much to me.

Coming across this song recently reminded me that love comes in my forms. It can transcend the sexual plane into something even deeper. The sort of love that spans decades up until one is the holding the hand of the other one dying.

We should all be so lucky to experience the sort of love that Freddie and Mary shared for each other.

Love of my life, you hurt me,
You’ve broken my heart, and now you leave me.

Love of my life can’t you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Don’t take it away from me,
Because you don’t know what it means to me.

Love of my life don’t leave me,
You’ve stolen my love and now desert me,

Love of my life can’t you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Don’t take it away from me,
Because you don’t know what it means to me.

You will remember when this is blown over,
And everythings all by the way,
When I grow older,
I will be there at your side,
To remind you how I still love you
I still love you.

Hurry back hurry back,
Don’t take it away from me,
Because you don’t know what it means to me.

Love of my life,
Love of my life.

Do you have a love of your life?

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  • Reply theTsaritsa September 14, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    I probably love my sister more than anyone else in the world. I like the Queen song "You're my Best Friend."

  • Reply Linda September 14, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    loved this post šŸ™‚ emailed you a more thorough comment explaining why.
    just saying in case it gets filtered out from unknown email (mine).

  • Reply Meghan September 14, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    Gaaaaaawd I love Freddie Mercury.

    It makes me happy that you wrote down "I want to be in love." Such a simple statement can be so empowering, especially when it's hard to admit. I recently admitted to myself that I'm tired of being alone, and I do want to be in love. But it's a difficult line to walk, finding someone who satisfies both longings and not just the former.

  • Reply kwerk September 14, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    I adore that relationship that they had, it's so beautiful.

    I don't have the love of my life yet, but I fully believe it's a gonna happen. Because I want to hold hands with someone & talk without speaking, dammit.

  • Reply Emily September 14, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    My dad saw Freddy at Live Aid before he died, he said it was one of the greatest experiences of his life. Rock and roll needs another guy like Fred.

  • Reply Hippest Snippets September 14, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    This gives a new meaning to "I want to ride my bicycle". Hippest Snippets likes Freddie Mercury so much that we have two posters of him in our home.

    We love this blog! And today we're showing it. Love for all. Especially Queen.

  • Reply Lola Nicole September 14, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    I just started reading your blog today and I am in love already!

    This post made me cry for a few reasons: my dad is a huge Queen fan and he passed that love down to me, and I remember him talking to me about Freddie Mercury and his ex girlfriend Mary. He recounted the story you wrote about, about them staying together despite his being gay, and how he bequeathed practically everything to her. My dad was always amazed by it, and it always stuck with me. It's funny how the most random things can conjure up childhood memories. <3 Thank you for that.

    Ah to be in Love. Hi, I'm Lola, and I will be eternally Lovesick. šŸ˜‰

  • Reply KeLLy aNN September 14, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    I have it! in The Chook Man, the Copper who "arrested" my body, heart, and soul.. and I thank my Lucky Stars every damn day…
    and We're both HUGE Queen fans.

  • Reply Hipstercrite September 14, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    @Tsaritsa- That is a great song too! Actually I'm going to listen to it now.

    @Linda- Emailing you!

    @Meghan- It's a hard thing to admit to yourself when you're young. I feel like we're supposed to be ok with being alone…most of the time I am, but sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks…

    @Kwerk- Ha! So do I, so do I. Feel at home.

    @Emily- I bet that was AMAZING! You must get your awesome taste from your Dad?

    @Hippest Snippets- Hey there! Thanks for your support! I wish I had two posters of Freddie…I can just picture them.

    @Lola- Yay! Lola! You know, my middle name is Nicole and I often write my name as Lola…so we have that in common! Glad to know your acquaintance! And what a lovely story. My Dad used to play Stevie Wonder…

    @Kelly Ann- Yay! You're a lucky lady!

  • Reply Garry with 2 Rs September 15, 2010 at 12:42 am

    Iā€™m well known among my friends both in the blogosphere and the 3 dimensional world for my passionate and vocal tirades against all things romantic. But, like you, Iā€™m starting to suspect that being alone for the rest of my life sounds like a stupid idea, and that having someone that I could feel for in the way Freddie felt for Mary would be less cheesy and more awesome.

    In the meantime, I think someone of your passionate persuasion might enjoy this fantastic blog I came across the other day.

    I'm loving Queen's "Save Me" at the moment.

  • Reply Christine Macdonald September 15, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    He is a TRUE GEM. LOVE this man. Thank you for the slice of musical history not many know.

    I love your taste woman.



  • Reply - B September 15, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Fantastic post! I was listening to Queen all yesterday on Pandora – so it's crazy that I see your post about Freddie today!

    Also, I really love what you said about love. So true and I hope you get your Freddie/Mary love soon! Wanting it is half the step, so when it comes you will welcome it with open arms.

  • Reply Tom September 15, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    It took me a long time to figure out that love was more than paper hearts cut from red construction paper.My wife and I have been married for 15 years now, and as the years go by we continue to discover shades of love that we never knew existed.

    Great post. I hope you find that love of your life someday soon.

  • Reply Dugaldo September 15, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    I've been in love with the same man now for a lovely and tumultuous 11 years; since I first saw him in his blue Dickies, chucks and red Smock at kmart of all places, at the age of 17. We broke up somewhere along the way. He left for Phoenix and I was left wandering anout San Francisco wondering what the helll to do with that space behind my rib cage. I remember blubbering through the streets of North Beach one day, through China town, the financial district and even a touch of SoMa eventually making my way up Market toward the MUNI station in the Castro that would get me to the apartment we once shared. I remember listening on my old iPod, over and over again to the melodic and Banshee like wails of a man my boyfriend had once described to me as one of his picks for the best voice in rock ever; yes, a certain Mr. Freddie Mercury. Freddie got me home that day.

    I'm in Phoenix these days, with, you guessed it. I'm more in love than ever and yet I still can't shake that feeling of wanting to be in love. It drives me. I hope somebody finds you somebody to love.

    Oh and I can rock a mean moustache by the way. On demand. Lovely post mija.

  • Reply Pop Culture Maven September 16, 2010 at 3:29 am

    This is so strange. I've been listening to this song (and this album) for weeks on repeat. And now, you write about it today, Lauren! It's so truly beautiful. I want to have a Freddie to my Mary someday.

  • Reply Annabell September 16, 2010 at 6:22 am

    LOVE this post!

  • Reply Jo September 16, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Such a good post – and definitely something to ponder – love between two people that never dies, who may or may not even be in relationship together.

    Also, I kind of want more gay friends…

  • Reply Benny September 16, 2010 at 6:19 pm


    I read this yesterday and it gave me a feeling that I couldn't express.

    This reminded me that I've always been looking for a relationship like that. When I've been with people who aggravate me, I'll think to myself, "oh, but if I break up with her now, she won't be my best friend when it's over." I guess I want an ex who will be my best friend more than I want to find someone to be with forever and ever.

    Wow. There's something really comforting about the Freddie-Mary relationship. I'm going to keep dreaming.

  • Reply natural selection September 18, 2010 at 3:22 am


  • Reply nancy July 30, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Just so you know, that’s not Mary Austin. That’s Veronica Tetzlaff, John Deacon’s wife. He wrote “You’re My Best Friend” for her. This is Mary: http://sarajevo.co.ba/wp-content/uploads/Freddie-Mercury-i-Mary-Austin.jpg

  • Reply Dianne Lemke March 6, 2017 at 4:55 pm

    What Freddie and Mary had was true love! The kind of love that everyone strives for. Totally unconditional and they were each other’s safe haven. Mary will be with him again some day and they will live in love in paradise for all eternity.

  • Reply Christie December 7, 2018 at 11:17 pm

    The picture posted is of Freddie with John Deacon’s wife.

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