It’s that dreaded time of year.
That time where you have to buy your special lady or gentlemen friend a gift that says, “Hey, I guess I kind of like you.” Or, “I’m completely broke right now, but hey thanks for letting me have sex with you, the best I can give you is your special edition record of “Power, Corruption & Lies” back.”
If you’re not sure what to get your non-prescription bespectacled lover, then look no further. I have just the thing for you!
1.) Nothing says “I love you” to your lady (or that “I’m secretly in love with mustached men and this is how I’m trying to tell you”) more than a Tom Selleck pillow.
Make sure to check out their Chuck Norris and Burt Reynolds pillows as well.
Made in Austin! (of course! where else would you find something soooo ironic?)
2.) If you don’t know how to tell your baby that you want to bone him/her, then let the Michael McDonald Ultimate Collection do the talking. He knows how.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve boned to McD!
(That’s because it’s never happened.) 🙁
(Thank you, Marcos, for recently using the word “boning” and inspiring the usage of that word in this post).
3.) Don’t forget to thank your gay boyfriend with Patti Smith’s autobiography about her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe, “Just Kids”. Who needs a hetereo boyfriend? Who? WHO NEEDS ONE?
4.) Need to tell your honey that you want to write a thinly disguised novel about how crazy she is? Then pick up a copy of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s love letters to his wife, Zelda Sayre, “Dear Scott, Dearest Zelda“.
5.) You can’t forget about the Brandon Bird “Law & Order: SVU” Valentines’ Day cards now, can you?
6.) If you’re finding yourself all alone this Valentine’s Day, then why not treat yourself to the Taschen published “The Big Penis Book“?
And I mean treat yourself.
That just made my freakin day. I am all over the Chuck Norris pillow.
I need those Valentines, stat. In frames. All over my room.
Do they make the "Norm McDonald playing Burt Reynolds playing Turd Ferguson" on Celebrity Jeopardy pillow happen? I am definitively on board if so.
@Apryl- Isn't that pillow great? I really wish they'd make a Ralph Fiennes or Jude Law one though…mmmm….
@Suburban Sweetheart- You have to check out the rest of Brandon Birds work. You'll love it. I promise.
@The Mad Hatter- Hahahaha! Brilliant! Wonderful idea. We should email the company and let them know….
Wow… just wow. I think my vocal cords are damaged from the laughter.
I completely lost my train of thought after 6.
Great post, mulady.
I used to wait tables in Waikiki (trying to get out of stripping) and Mr. Magnum was a frequent customer. He drank Coors Light out of the bottle and wore Speedos. He was still hunky.
I want those SVU Valentine's – hilarious!!!
When I saw that last pic I nearly choked on my lunch. OMG was my verbal response. Just wow.
that said, thanks, you may have given me some inspiration for my Fine Man Friday post. Yummy.
TOM SELLECK PILLOW!!!!!! WANT!!!!! I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO ALL CAPS, THAT IS HOW EXCITED I AM!!!
@Kiki, @Mad Woman- Did you ladies click on the link? They have full frontal shots!
@Kim D- You have to check out Brandon Bird's other stuff.
@Sassy- You know what would be great? If there was a pillow of the full naked picture of Burt Reynolds on the bear skin rug?
Definitely have to find a copy of that "I'm On Your Tail" valentines card. Thanks for the advice.
Best gifts, ever!
I'd buy this Burt Reynolds pillow in a heartbeat if they made it: http://glosslip.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/smokey_bandit_01_header.jpg
Ok I want (no I NEED) the Magnum PI pillow. Do they post to Australia??
1) Comes with complimentary NRA membership
2) She said 'boned'.
3) I DO NOT! Bring on the Mapplethorpe!
4) Finishing final chapter of crazy spouse book.
5) Lab results are back – They found your DNA on me!
6) Holy. Shit.
This is the best Valentine's Day post ever. And I'm not just saying that because I'll never meet you. The Austin Tourism Board owes you money.
"and I mean treat. yourself."
Another pillow for the collection.