Break-Dancing Pregnant Ladies and Sh*t-Flinging Hipster Chicks

Friday Oct. 2nd Day #1

8AM: Dream about Billy Ocean without really knowing what Billy Ocean looks like. Wake up slightly aroused.

8:15AM: Lay in bed listening to your 47 year-old roommate singing folk songs in the shower.

8:32AM: In the shower, notice that your razor blade is as dull as a Harrison Ford interview and decide that unshaven legs are appropriate for a day where truck loads of jobless, unshowered trust fund babies arrive into town for the Austin City Limits music festival. The #2 festival in Austin. The Frank Stallone, DeDee Pfeiffer, or Roger Clinton of South by Southwest.

8:45AM: Discover that the road from your house into town is blocked off due to the festival. Drive around for forty-five minutes, then eventually find office located only five miles away.

9:30AM: Curse the words “Austin”, “City”, and “Limits” and laugh maniacally when John Aielli informs radio listeners that it will rain all weekend.

9:31: Arrive at the office delirious and hungry. Office is vacant due to your co-workers shooting footage at the festival. Start a one person Michael Jackson dance party.

9:32AM: Dawns on you that you are white and dance like David Byrne. A wave of sadness washes over you.

9:55AM: Boss unexpectedly arrives at the office and you quickly put your pants back on.

9:56AM: Boss presents you with ACL tickets.

9:57AM: Deeply seated hatred for ACL suddenly turns into a vast and generous love.

10:32AM-12:40PM: Try to figure out who the hell is playing the festival.

12:41PM-7:00PM- Spend the entire afternoon doing work, trying to desperately make the Phoenix show at 5:30PM, which you do not.

7:01PM- Arrive at ACL, take this picture, sit in the Dell VIP tent and marvel at all the free beverages and trailer potties (realize three days later that this may have been the highlight of the festival).

7:22PM Watch Andrew Bird from onstage. Unknowingly stand next to Britt Daniel. Glad you passed on the burrito with beans earlier that day.
7:50 PM Tell all your friends at the festival that you’ll be over to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs concert shortly, but secretly plant yourself in front of the Kings of Leon stage.

8:05PM Heartbreakingly realize that Caleb Followill’s face looks highly disproportionate in certain angles and lose your hypothetical boner.

8:45: Text reply back to your friends that you’re deep into the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s show and that they will never find you, all the while sitting in front of the Kings of Leon stage trying desperately to bring the boner back.

9:05AM: Finally admit that every Kings of Leon song sounds the same and leave.

9:10PM: Leave the grounds while watching the Yeah Yeah Yeahs stage. See Karen O. wearing some sort of metallic ski mask and discover you could potentially get your boner back.

Over the course of the rest of the evening I watch a pregnant woman break dance and beautiful hipster girls nearly through feces at each other in the Beauty Bar. When 3AM roles around, I watch the eyes of the city shut it’s lids for only a few hours and play on the stereo, “This Must Be the Place…”

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  • Reply That Chelsea Girl™ October 8, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    I had such a blast at ACL, I'm glad you got to go as well! I wasn't really digging the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, though. The show seemed boring compared to KOL.

  • Reply nicopolitan October 8, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    Mostly jealous of the proximity to Brit Daniels. That man has given us so much. I probably would have cracked a dumb joke though so better you were there than me.

  • Reply Angie October 8, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    That's one hell of a day!

  • Reply Hannah October 8, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    Every Kings of Leon song does pretty much sound the same, but I admit it, I kind of like them to. It's sexy music. Understandably girl boner inducing.

    I love Andrew Bird.

    Great post.

  • Reply Polly Syllabick October 9, 2009 at 4:10 am

    This is one of the single greatest titles I've ever read.

  • Reply mysterg October 9, 2009 at 10:25 am

    Harrison Ford is very very dull!

    I've left something on my blog for you.

  • Reply Hipstercrite October 9, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    Chelsea- Really? I heard the Yeah Yeah Yeahs show rocked. Now I don't feel so bad that I missed it!

    Nicopolitan- Just move on down to Austin. You'll run into Britt all the time.

    Hannah- I listened to their new album on repeat on my drive from L.A. to Austin. It was perfect music against the Southwest landscape. I used to be embarrassed to tell people that. Now I will wave that flag proudly!

    Polly- It had a really boring title before so I decided to change it. I'm glad you like it!

  • Reply Angie October 9, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    PS – I also have a little somethin' for ya on our site 😉

  • Reply Tennyson ee Hemingway October 10, 2009 at 7:38 am

    Awesome post. Can I have your life? Just for a day.

  • Reply Damian October 10, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    You must have woken up with hella blue balls.

    And I've officially retired the word "hella." Which means I've almost caught up to speed with the masses. "Kick ass" is somehow still not blocked by my verbal guardians.

  • Reply ash.lin. October 13, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    of course i read this post, and was thrilled about it b/c of the title.

    1- i dont know what ACL is but i was secretly hoping you were talking about me as those are my initials. but i suppose an actual concert would be more fun.

    2- youtube 'pregnant girls dancing'..on second thought- dont do that. i did and i feel really weird about it.

    3- brilliant point about kings of leon. fortunatly for them, the one song they all sound like is a pretty good one.

  • Reply Organic Meatbag October 16, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Billy Ocean is watching you through his Jeri-curl dream…

  • Reply lacey December 9, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    your doggin on hipster(which is dandy) but you're at ACL(i was there, awesome) …. getting to the point.. why the fuck are you wearing that shit on your head and those stupid fucking glasses, HIPSTER!!

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