I’m working on a project titled, “The Terrible Things We Do to One Another”.
It will be a collection of first hand examples of the terrible things we do to one another in love & relationships because of fear/insecurity/anger etc. Outside of religion, I can’t think of any other circumstance where humans can act so blatantly irrational.
This idea came off the heels of the passing of a two month “stepping out with” a sweet, older gentleman (that made him sound 80 years old). It’s just that “dating” does not seem appropriate in this situation, but neither does “hooking up” when you’re talking about someone who is twelve years older than you and actually cares enough to take you out to dinner. He did everything right in regards to “breaking up” with me (is it breaking up if it’s not dating? Maybe he “unstepped out with me”? Or he is now “stepping in”?) It was the first time I encountered a man who did not do something completely clueless, cold, or irrational to me. In fact, it was easy peasy. I reflected back on previous endings of relationships and realized that typically one or both parties did some very hurtful things to the other. Mostly because we were young, confused, and emotionally immature (I really want to change that “we” to “he”). There was the one guy who only wanted to fool around a few times and quietly disappear. Of course he didn’t tell me his intentions up front. When I confronted him later on the issue, he told me he was still in love with some skank from college and that he wanted to “just be friends…but I mean that in a really really really good way.” As I walked out the door, he stopped me and asked, “But can I still use your discount at work?” I found out later that he does this to a new girl every month.
My stories nowhere near compare to the stories of many others, which is another reason to collect these accounts- to feel better about myself. I’ve heard of some pretty cold shit. I have one friend who came home to find her fiance soliciting sex to men on Craigslist. Another who reassured his girlfriend he loved her and just needed some time away, but in actuality began dating his co-worker and opted not to the tell the girlfriend. Then there is my Mom who in her twenties was seeing a man that she thought was her soulmate. She was seeing him all the way up to his wedding day that she had no idea about. She didn’t even know that he was seeing someone else. On his honeymoon he sent a letter to my Mom saying that he made a mistake and will always love her. Thirty years later he’s still bitterly married to the same woman and every year he calls my Mom and tells her how much he loves her. Every time my Mom tells him he’s a loser.
If you’re interested in soliciting a story, please email me at [email protected]. It will be anonymous (unless you want your name in bold print). I will be putting them up at terriblethingswedo.wordpress.com soon.
Oh, and if you’re one of those asses who likes doing terrible things to people, like breaking up with someone over email, check out Breakupemail.com That is where the above image is from.