Guys, shit is fucked up in the world right now, so I wrote some X-files fan fiction.
I hope you enjoy it.
As I’ve shared before, I spent a lot of my teenage years dreaming about the lives of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully (mostly about them getting it on.)
Even now, when I have trouble sleeping, my imagination picks up where the show and second movie left off.
I think about this shit a lot, so I thought I’d write it down.
So, if you’re a weirdo like me, I hope you enjoy.
And please don’t judge my writing; it’s fan fiction.
(P.S. Writing about sexy times is hard for me, so it might take a couple of bottles of wine before I write sexy-fun-time-stuff.)
When we last saw Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, they were clinging to one another in a New Mexico hotel bed, desperately staving off fear and hopelessness. They had just discovered that the end of the world was near, and there was nothing they could do about it.
Side note: In the world of X-files, the end of the world (more…)
Last Friday I met David Duchovny.
I have no photographic evidence of this because I met him while he was shooting a scene in his boxer briefs.
There was a lot of hubbub surrounding me meeting David Duchovny from my family and friends. They remembered what a hopeless, pathetic X-files nerd I was between the ages of 10-19. My Dad’s girlfriend, who works on Californication, told me to have my mother ship out any X-files paraphernalia and David would gladly sign them when I met him. My Mom would have happily obliged if I asked her. In fact, she spent most of the week leading up to me meeting David Duchovny telling everyone in our hometown.
As a 28 year-old who previously worked for celebrities, I would never in a million years walk up to David Duchovny with my Australia edition of the Rolling Stone that features he and Gillian Anderson in bed together or my Agent Mulder action figure from Fight the Future and ask him to sign it. That is not a freak flag I want to freely wave to the (more…)
Have you ever been to Mortified? I have and I nearly pissed my pants and started crying. People recollecting stories of their rudimentary and pubescent years is both entertaining and nausea-inducing. It stirs up memories you’ve locked deeply away, memories that you want no one knowing except for your therapist and maybe your 16 cats to know. It brings you confidence in knowing that you’re not alone, that others were as fucking weird as you were as a child. It makes you feel compelled to share these deep dark secrets with the world. It drives you to drink to forget these memories.
If you’re not as lucky to experience Mortified live, now you can check out Mortified on TV. Starting Dec 5th at 8PM, Mortified will be airing ten episodes of cringe-worthy hilarity on the Sundance Channel. Guests include Will Forte, Ed Helms, Cheryl Hines, Paul Feig, and Alanis Morissette. I’m particularly intrigued in hearing Alanis considering most of Jagged Little Pill was like one giant episode of Mortified.
On my ride in to work yesterday morning, I had a gnawing feeling that it was a special day. A famous day in history or someones birthday. A day that needed celebration! I thought about it for a minute and then it hit me- it was Dana Scully’s birthday!
How the fuck did I remember that, I’ll pretend you asked?
Well, I used to be embarrassingly obsessed with The X-files. Like forced my elementary school friends to call me ‘Spooky’ obsessed. Paraded around in pantsuits at eleven years of age obsessed. Read poorly written NC-17 fan fiction during the beginning days of household Internet obsessed. Lulled myself to sleep night after night with dreams of Mulder and Scully taking off those dismal 90’s suits and gettin’ busy obsessed.
I had every episode on tape. Every book, every magazine, every newspaper clipping about the show was neatly pressed in binders. I built a shrine to The X-files in my childhood bedroom equipped with posters, action figures, and makeshift FBI badges and guns.