20-Something, Fashion/Design, Hipstercrite Life

Pubes Is a Word That Never Gets Old

If you’re anything like me, you spend a lot of time watching Jeff Goldblum movies with your hand down your pants not dating. You’ve reached an age where you’ve become picky, decide you’ll wait to date the person that is absolutely worthwhile, and when they come along, you’ve realized that you’re completely out of touch on how to groom your pubes.

Wait, let me rephrase that. I know how to groom my pubic hair, I’m just no longer sure what the current trend of lady-scaping is.

I mean, maybe I was never in touch. Who knows?

Society has told me that bush= bad, shaved baby head= good. Outside of that, it’s not like I have discussions with my lady friends about how they trim their woman fuzz.

I guess I could ask them, but it’s not like something I think about on a minutely basis:

“Hey, Lauren, did you check out that new bar on east 6th street?”
“HEY, JENNIFER, HOW DO YOU TRIM YOUR PUBES?”

And it’s not necessarily a question I want to post on Facebook (but is DEFINITELY a subject I will feel inclined to write a blog post about).

So how is a girl to know what the acceptable form of pubic hair style is, but more importantly, who decides? The girl, the gentleman friend, or society? I’m certainly a girl who marches to her own severely off-kilter, slightly mentally retardo beat, so asking a dude or society how I should do anything is not in my nature. However, I think this may be one of those topics that is a group effort. Much like ‘it takes a village to raise a child’, maybe it takes a village to tell you how to shave (or not) your pubes?

I did a little research and found that the scientists over atThe Frisky created a poll for clueless chicks just like myself. What I discovered is that slightly more women prefer to lightly trim their nether region (35%) than completely bulldoze down the forest (33%). Also, more women tend to leave a full Chia Pet on their cootch (15%) versus creating a place for defective Southwest airplanes to land. Dyeing your heart-shaped pubic hair purple is not popular with anyone except for maybe Tila Tequila (less than 1%).

Reading up on vags, made me curious about the history of pubic hair and women. I discovered some interesting info:

In Victorian Britain, it was popular to collect your lover’s pubes as souvenirs, and men often wore them in their hats as a display of manliness. ‘Cause nothing says “man” likes women’s pubes on your head.

The Merkin was created around 1450 for romantic purposes such as combating lice or hiding venereal diseases from your lover. 

-Trimming or removing pubic hair did not become popular in Western culture until bathing suits became less like straight jackets in the 1940’s. 

-In 2007, a Florida woman received $15,000 in a botched Brazilian waxing accident that ripped her labia and caused her to get stitches. In 2009, NJ considered banning Brazilian waxing due to the amount of infections Jerseyites were receiving. From waxing. Not other stuff, duh.

-At various points in history, women have used quicklime, arsenic, donkey fat, bat’s blood, and fire to remove pubes.

In 2003, a Japanese trend began where women groomed their pubes to look like David Beckman’s fauxhawk. I’m trying to start a trend where women groom their pubes to look like David Lynch’s hair.

If I’ve learned anything from my inquisition it’s that worrying about such questions as “how do I groom my pubes?” will lead to painful decisions like setting your cootch on fire. I guess the best approach is doing what’s best for you and what’s best to not make your partner run screaming in the other direction. Maybe society puts too much emphasis on women looking perfect, but this appears to be nothing new for women have been grooming their vags since before Jesus. At least now we have more humane methods of removal like someone sticking their head between your legs and ripping off your vagina with glue.

What plays a factor into you styling your pubes?

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30 Comments

  • Reply Cathy Benavides April 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    This is one of those questions that every woman wants to ask but is too afraid to say out loud. I try to think about upkeep when it comes to nether region grooming. Sure, bald as a baby's behind is nice, but it doesn't last and requires a ton of maintenance. I like to think of it like a nice front yard- you want some foliage to keep it fancy, but it needs to be trimmed and maintained so it looks and feels nice. However, dyeing it green might be taking the lawn analogy a little far……

  • Reply Jessica April 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    I think there is a lot of pressure for the porn star aesthetic. Some women love to be hairless, personally I think it looks pre-pubescent and weirds me out a bit.

    I do wax/trim to keep things tidy and when I was dating I always said if a guy doesn't want to have sex with me because I don't fit his ideal, then he doesn't deserve to have the goods.

    To each their own.

  • Reply Cole April 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    I think anything short of full-on 70s bush is good. But you can never go wrong with neatly trimmed…

  • Reply Tao_of_Ray April 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    If you like oral at least trim if not eh.
    Nothing worse than a mouth full of hair

  • Reply Colleen April 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Hilarious, in a cringe-worthy way, and educational.

    I was living and working as a law clerk in New Jersey in 2009 and one of my very good friends' judges was assigned the Brazilian wax lawsuit. It was the talk of the courthouse.

    I had no idea what a merkin was. Thanks for that.

  • Reply Katie April 12, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Outstanding post! I'm sure my co-workers loved the pic you posted too…The bald look totally weirds me out. I think I'll stick to neat and trim.

  • Reply Hipstercrite April 12, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    @Cathy- You're right. I was so afraid that I was like, "F it! I'm writing a post about it!" Doing the research and getting feedback makes me realize that we're all in the same boat!

    @Jessica- Yep. Truthfully, I don't think dudes are into it either. A bunch of us just had a discussion about it the other day. I think the only dudes that like it are the ones that go to strip clubs.

    @Cole- Yes! Own it!

    @Ray- Ewwww…when I read your comment, the worse kind of mental image entered my head.

    @Colleen- No way! I think those lawsuits are happening more than not. I will never get one done. They freak me out way too much. They sound sooooo painful!

    @Katie- Thanks! I'm with ya, girl!

  • Reply E.to.the.H April 12, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    I do the monthly buzz down. Then, I let it grow until the next period. Nothing too hairy appears over a month. Oh, and I like to use an electric men's beard trimmer. It's small, it's usually battery powered, and it doesn't leave angry red bumps that itch like a motherfucker. Downside to this method: prickly for a few days. Also, I'm terrified of actually cutting my labia. Hasn't ever happened, though, and I like not having to pay attention to it for a whole month.

  • Reply bard April 12, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    I likes hair down there.

    If you wax along the bikini line, I'm fine.
    If you keep it a little trim, I'm in.
    Full-on 70's might be a bit heavy,
    but save it for other people if it looks like Dr. Evil.

    This is the perfect time for me to share a pet peeve of mine: Why is it so damned difficult to find porn where the women have some hair down there?? It's like you either have to search for vintage 70's and 80's porn, or look at Japanese Schoolgirls who whimper like little puppies when they do it. 95% of the women are completely bald, or they have a little soul patch like Howie Mandel. SINCE WHEN IS HAVING HAIR ON YOUR COOCH A SUB-GENRE OR FETISH???

  • Reply Anonymous April 12, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Wow u go girl! I've been wondering this same thing for years! When my friends all started having sex, they all shaved their bushes off just because they felt like that was what the guy wanted. I was just shocked. If he didn't like you because of that, they he isn't worth it!! I think the completely bald look is disgusting. I did it once and I felt like I was 9 again. Not to mention all the red bumps it created. I shave bikini line and trim the rest.

  • Reply girluntitled April 12, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    a few years ago there was that huge "vajazzle" craze, do you remember? where girls would remove all their pubic hair only to replace it with swarovski crystal designs? (i think i've said enough.)

  • Reply YoungUrbanAmateur April 12, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I've gotten the impression that "lightly trimmed" is the preference of both men and women for their partners' areas. I definitely like to feel like the girl's not twelve, and I don't know many girls who like to feel like the guy is twelve… but I think minor maintenance is courteous.

    @bard- never thought of it that way. that's pretty fucked up that it became a subgenre. and the japanese schoolgirls barely count. in fact, it's kinda creepy on them, when contrasted with their otherwise babyish demeanor

  • Reply Ms Amanda April 12, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    I spend a lot of time in a swimsuit, so keeping a clean 'bikini' line is a must, but other than that I let it go.

    Also, my friends and I do talk about this… Rather a lot. Maybe that's the difference between 20 something and nearly 40?

  • Reply Big Mark 243 April 12, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    I was already into keeping 'the boys' neat and trim by the time I was a junior in high school… and I was still waiting to have my first awake orgasm…

    … black women are decidedly fickle about trimming the nethers… I think it is a class thing… but whatever it is, I hate when I go down and am greeted by a Kid 'n Play hightop that may be in need of a perm…

    Cathy Benavides (I wonder if she knows Jesse..? She could, you know) has the right idea and that should be adopted by the sisterhood of unshaved legs and underpants..!

  • Reply theTsaritsa April 12, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    I talk about waxing and stuff with my friends, I don't think it's so weird. And you should groom your pubes the way you like them! I only get a wax if I'm thinking of wearing a bathing suit soon, or if I decide I'm sick of my bush. There's nothing wrong with a bush, though!

  • Reply Brooke Farmer April 12, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    I had this same moment after I took a nice long break from sex last year.

    In the end I don't think it matters *that* much. I started trimming it army buzz cut style because I couldn't afford to keep up with constant waxing appointments with no job. It hasn't really mattered.

  • Reply MeanDonnaJean April 12, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Sorry to be a pubey party pooper but I'm gonna change direction 'n head on out West for a moment here.

    Really now…….Jeff Goldblum movies????

    Is THAT what u young Hipsters do on dateless Saturday nites?

  • Reply tennysoneehemingway April 13, 2011 at 1:14 am

    Honestly, I've never understood the shaving thing. Who actually looks at your pubes enough to evaluate your design? My concentration is usually on other things. Of course, I don't mind you girls plucking out your breast hairs. But that might just be me.

  • Reply Alana Margaret April 13, 2011 at 2:01 am

    I stick with shave the bikini line, trim the rest. So far I've never had anyone complain. It seems like the maintenance on getting rid of all of it would just be too much.

  • Reply Brown April 13, 2011 at 3:36 am

    I've recently kept the tom selleck, down there, it always gets a good laugh from the right crowd.

  • Reply Christopher April 13, 2011 at 7:10 am

    Well, you've gotta do what works for you. But, from a man's point of view, if you go south of the equator and end up getting lost in the jungle you probably won't visit the Amazon with such gusto again. Unless it's an anniversary.

  • Reply dull boy April 13, 2011 at 7:13 am

    my wife gets a full wax done a couple of times a year and when she does, i confess, i love it!

  • Reply Kimberly Kaye April 13, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Only you could pull this blog post off.

    And pull it off in a way that didn't rip my labia.

  • Reply Flapjacks April 13, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    if you're hard up for ideas for dates, interactive trimming is always an option. let gentleman friend do it for you. chances are, he has a beard, or at least can grow one, and has extensive familiarity trimming and grooming hair near sensitive places. if their beard is shoddy and unkempt, they'll just tell you it's fine as is.

  • Reply Christine Macdonald April 13, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    Well…. as a former nude stripper from the 90s I think you know the answer to that. 🙂

    I DID need a lesson in lady grooming when I was 19 and on stage though. A night I will never forget.

    Two words: Landing Strip.

  • Reply Anonymous April 15, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    But howww, do you manage to just neatly trim?? Whenever I try to do that, it's like I can't stop and always end up just shaving everything off!

  • Reply The Vegetable Assassin April 15, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    All I'm going to say is DO NOT USE NAIR. 🙂 It gives the phrase "burning bush" a whole new meaning.

    I'm firmly in the "landscaping but nothing fancy" camp. Trimmed and tidy and nothing that looks like it might eat your cat.

    Two words: Beard trimmer.

    Men however, from stuff I come across here and there (ahem!) seem to like the Vin Diesel's head look but dude, if you need your lady's flower to look like she's 9 years old, you might want to get some help.

  • Reply Hannah Miet April 19, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Brazilians are just less messy. And the three weeks between waxes allows for the full pube spectrum:

    Week one: Fuck me like a little girl…

    Week two: Yeah, I kept that neat just for you.

    Week three: Welcome to the jungle, bitch.

  • Reply Jamie May 21, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Aha great blog, pube fact: Lord Byron used to get so many requests for some of his head/body hair that he started to go bald and begun sending adoring fans locks of his dog's hair. Which is fair enough, really, given his whole thing was his style…

    And my very humble opinion on nether-region style is that no-one wants their partner to look like a six year old, nor that they've invested in Britain's future and bought it from the Tories (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Save-Britains-Forests/157828020924281). Moderation's dull but unless you want to make a statement I'd say it's probably quite sensible.

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