This is not my big coming out story.
I wish it was.
That probably won’t happen until about four divorces down the road- and even then I’m not sure.
I like boys too much.
And when I say boys, I mean boys.
I used to not even be a champion of my own gender.
Can you believe that!?
I was one of those assholes.
I would distance myself as much as possible, referring to other women as “chicks”, and thinking that I fell into some other category- the “Lauren” species.
I was my own gender.
But with zero sex appeal.
And less pubic hair.
I had difficulty relating to “women”. I wasn’t into crying about boys and manicures and tanning salons and rag magazines and any other thing I, or the media, could generalize about the females. Because of that, I distanced myself from the ladies and made only friends with dudes.
Then one day, I realized that I did cry about boys.
And at Pixar movies.
Oh, and anything that Nicholas Sparks touched.
And especially those commercials featuring animals and Sarah McLachlan.
And here I go generalizing again…
I also realized that when I talked to my fellow gender, I felt better. They understood me and I understood them.
What was I missing this entire time?!
And now… now I just want to shout from the mountain top how much I love my fellow ladies.
We’re fucking smart and interesting and creative and talented and strong and beautiful. They inspire the shit out of me.
So, without further ado, I’d like to take a moment to talk about a few of the many fantastic ladies that deserve to have more than just my lame-o blog writing about them. Hopefully this will become an ongoing series…
And if it sounds like one giant ass kiss, so be it. We women deserve our asses kissed. Often.
Eylene P.- Astrophysicist/Derby Girl
I didn’t like Eylene. She was ridiculously good-looking- the structural palate you could get lost in for hours. Under the dictionary definition of “muse” there’s a picture of her mug. She also just finished dating the comparably better-looking-than-I gentleman I was currently dating at the time I met her. Did I forget to mention that she worked for NASA at 21 and had a sexy Colombian accent? Needless to say my sense of security was highly shakened around her. Then of course one day, Eylene and I finally conversed- and we had a blast. We made fun of the dude, that now, we had both previously dated. We both dug each other, or maybe I just dug her and she couldn’t wait until I left the room. She told me stories about a mummified cat she dug up and walked around in public, and I told less interesting stories about animals that were alive. Unfortunately, I left Los Angeles before I was able to truly hang with Eylene, but she will always hold a special place in my heart. Any beautiful woman who is a astrophysicist and owns dead pets is more than super OK in my book. Oh, she also just became a roller derby girl too. So have you fallen in love with her yet too?
Laurenne S.- Producer/Writer/Comedienne
One of the greatest attributes of having a blog is the ability to “meet” people from all over the world. Your words connect with them, their words connect with you and next thing you know- you got a kindred spirit on the other side of the continent. I’ve been fortunate enough to connect with a small group of young ladies that I share similar backgrounds with. One of those ladies is Laurenne, writer of Humans Are Funny. Laurenne and I might be the same person. Hell, we even have the same name, but her spelling is substantially cooler. We’re both only children that openly talk about our former therapists and our Freudian text book examples of romantic partner choices. Laurenne also wrote quite possibly one of my all-time favorite articles about coming to terms with her “dead gay dad”, titled “A Day for All Fathers. Even Dead Ones“. The out pour of positive response pushed her to write a second part, titled, “Dead Dad Part 2: Acceptance, Leftovers, and Magic Wands“, where she reveals that her “dead gay dad” committed suicide. Heavy right? Well, being the talented writer and comedienne that she is, Laurenne wrote both posts with the perfect amount of heartbreak and humor where you find yourself in a fit of tears and laughter from one word to the next. Since discovering her blog, I’ve seen her writing blossom with leaps and bounds. She’s currently doing stand-up in Los Angeles and getting ready to make her big break as a writer. If you haven’t read Laurenne’s work before, then what the fuck are you waiting for?
Ashley L.- News Anchor/Writer
As a blogger you come across many blogs daily. Some peak your interest, some don’t. Then there are the ones that leave an impression so deep, they linger around your psyche for a long time. One of those blogs for me is Lesbifriends. Every freakin‘ time I read Ashely’s blog, I find myself nodding my head and shouting out loud, “Hot damn, she’s right!” Whether you’re gay, straight, bi, or queer, it doesn’t matter. Ashely crafts her words in a way that is universally relatable. She constantly reminds us that we are all the same- humans wandering through this world experiencing love, heartbreak, job stress, friendship drama, or existential ponderance . However, Ashley just doesn’t write about these topics, she effortlessly creates little pockets of humor, symbolism, and poetry intertwined with the overall topic of the day. She always leaves the reader contemplating more, asking themselves the same questions she asks herself…and if that is the sign of a true writer, then we know we’re looking at the real deal here.