For the Love of Women

This is not my big coming out story.

I wish it was.

That probably won’t happen until about four divorces down the road- and even then I’m not sure.

I like boys too much.

And when I say boys, I mean boys.

I used to not even be a champion of my own gender.
Can you believe that!?
I was one of those assholes.

I would distance myself as much as possible, referring to other women as “chicks”, and thinking that I fell into some other category- the “Lauren” species.

I was my own gender.

Like Prince.

But with zero sex appeal.

And less pubic hair.

I had difficulty relating to “women”. I wasn’t into crying about boys and manicures and tanning salons and rag magazines and any other thing I, or the media, could generalize about the females. Because of that, I distanced myself from the ladies and made only friends with dudes.

Then one day, I realized that I did cry about boys.
And at Pixar movies.
Oh, and anything that Nicholas Sparks touched.
And especially those commercials featuring animals and Sarah McLachlan.
And here I go generalizing again…

I also realized that when I talked to my fellow gender, I felt better. They understood me and I understood them.

What was I missing this entire time?!

And now… now I just want to shout from the mountain top how much I love my fellow ladies.
We’re fucking smart and interesting and creative and talented and strong and beautiful. They inspire the shit out of me.

So, without further ado, I’d like to take a moment to talk about a few of the many fantastic ladies that deserve to have more than just my lame-o blog writing about them. Hopefully this will become an ongoing series…

And if it sounds like one giant ass kiss, so be it. We women deserve our asses kissed. Often.

Eylene P.- Astrophysicist/Derby Girl
I didn’t like Eylene. She was ridiculously good-looking- the structural palate you could get lost in for hours. Under the dictionary definition of “muse” there’s a picture of her mug. She also just finished dating the comparably better-looking-than-I gentleman I was currently dating at the time I met her. Did I forget to mention that she worked for NASA at 21 and had a sexy Colombian accent? Needless to say my sense of security was highly shakened around her. Then of course one day, Eylene and I finally conversed- and we had a blast. We made fun of the dude, that now, we had both previously dated. We both dug each other, or maybe I just dug her and she couldn’t wait until I left the room. She told me stories about a mummified cat she dug up and walked around in public, and I told less interesting stories about animals that were alive. Unfortunately, I left Los Angeles before I was able to truly hang with Eylene, but she will always hold a special place in my heart. Any beautiful woman who is a astrophysicist and owns dead pets is more than super OK in my book. Oh, she also just became a roller derby girl too. So have you fallen in love with her yet too?

Laurenne S.- Producer/Writer/Comedienne
One of the greatest attributes of having a blog is the ability to “meet” people from all over the world. Your words connect with them, their words connect with you and next thing you know- you got a kindred spirit on the other side of the continent. I’ve been fortunate enough to connect with a small group of young ladies that I share similar backgrounds with. One of those ladies is Laurenne, writer of Humans Are Funny. Laurenne and I might be the same person. Hell, we even have the same name, but her spelling is substantially cooler. We’re both only children that openly talk about our former therapists and our Freudian text book examples of romantic partner choices. Laurenne also wrote quite possibly one of my all-time favorite articles about coming to terms with her “dead gay dad”, titled “A Day for All Fathers. Even Dead Ones“. The out pour of positive response pushed her to write a second part, titled, “Dead Dad Part 2: Acceptance, Leftovers, and Magic Wands“, where she reveals that her “dead gay dad” committed suicide. Heavy right? Well, being the talented writer and comedienne that she is, Laurenne wrote both posts with the perfect amount of heartbreak and humor where you find yourself in a fit of tears and laughter from one word to the next. Since discovering her blog, I’ve seen her writing blossom with leaps and bounds. She’s currently doing stand-up in Los Angeles and getting ready to make her big break as a writer. If you haven’t read Laurenne’s work before, then what the fuck are you waiting for?

Ashley L.- News Anchor/Writer
As a blogger you come across many blogs daily. Some peak your interest, some don’t. Then there are the ones that leave an impression so deep, they linger around your psyche for a long time. One of those blogs for me is Lesbifriends. Every freakin‘ time I read Ashely’s blog, I find myself nodding my head and shouting out loud, “Hot damn, she’s right!” Whether you’re gay, straight, bi, or queer, it doesn’t matter. Ashely crafts her words in a way that is universally relatable. She constantly reminds us that we are all the same- humans wandering through this world experiencing love, heartbreak, job stress, friendship drama, or existential ponderance . However, Ashley just doesn’t write about these topics, she effortlessly creates little pockets of humor, symbolism, and poetry intertwined with the overall topic of the day. She always leaves the reader contemplating more, asking themselves the same questions she asks herself…and if that is the sign of a true writer, then we know we’re looking at the real deal here.

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  • Reply Jessica September 8, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    These women are amazing; thanks for sharing them with us.

    PS: Those animal commercials makes me cry my eyes out.

  • Reply laurenne September 8, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    I'm sure you had sex appeal if you didn't have so much pubic hair. Guys like that, you know.
    Anyway, I love this realization. And I LOVE even more that I'm a part of it. I used to hate girls too but then I realized we were all only mean to each other out of fear of rejection.

    These other chicks sound amazing, and I am heading over to read about them too.
    I'm so very happy to know you're out there in the blog ether and that we shall actually hug each other and possibly cry together one day hopefully SOON!

  • Reply Christine Macdonald September 8, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    I love your homage posts. I must check out these ladies, thanks.

    You are so right. Us women are awesome. 🙂

    I feel like I won the lottery with Kevin. He is a FTM (born female, trans to male gender). I have the best of both.

    Love you sister,

  • Reply Linda September 8, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    i read Laurenne's posts about her dead dad and am now crying at work

  • Reply Hipstercrite September 8, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    @Jessica- I'm glad you enjoyed it! I hope to write more about all the wonderful ladies I know off-line and on-line!

    @Laurenne- No, I had NO sex appeal. Thanks though… I hope we meet soon too! If and when I get to LA, I'm meeting you. Or, you could come here too, you know!

    @Christine- Speaking of awesome ladies, I still want to write about you! I might be emailing you soon with some questions…

    @Linda- Aren't those posts incredible? I never tire of reading them…

  • Reply Lindsa Burck September 8, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    Wow I LOVE this post!

    I remember many similar feelings, and now I think it's fascinating to watch women who haven't yet made the transition from "I don't like other girls" to "I love other girls."

    Hee hee, this post is dead on. Thank you so much!

  • Reply - B September 8, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    I was so there with you growing up. Not sure when I quit viewing them all as barbie cheerleader wannabes (3 things I can't stand); but now, I'm surrounded by awesome ladies that I love and admire.

    Your girls sound fantastic! And maybe I have a girl crush on Eylene, as she sounds awesome and I secretly want to get into roller derby.

  • Reply DavidRayDog September 8, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Times a million.

  • Reply Hipstercrite September 8, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    @Lindsa- I'm guessing it starts happening somewhere in your late 20's?

    @B- You can't help but fall in love with Eylene!

    @David- 😀

  • Reply TabithaVenasse September 8, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    I never really connected with other women either, until my twenties.

    But now it sucks because the best women in my life live an ocean away.

  • Reply Kerri September 8, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    yes, it's good to connect with women and it took me until my late 30s to figure that out-

  • Reply One Blonde Girl September 8, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    Yay! Good for you. I was also the girl you described in the opening. I have yet to find my Lady Loves, (well, except for my good bud, SMos, but she lives in Brooklyn…), and find myself still hanging with the guys (buttotally relating to their female companions. Surprisingly enough). I'm glad you've found yours. (I should probably stop moving so much, huh? Then maybe I could find mine too.) Congrats on your new discovery!

  • Reply Adria September 9, 2010 at 12:19 am

    I've been trying to articulate a thought like this for a long time-thanks for doing it for me!

    I've always talked so much about not liking hanging out with girls, but all my friends HAVE always been girls, and most of them the right kind…the kind that say they don't like hanging out with girls. It's invigorating to know that it's cool to be a non-"girly" girl who doesn't have to only hang out with guys to prove that she's not girly.

    And I immediately started reading Laurenne's blog…VERY glad you suggested it!

  • Reply Christina In Wonderland September 9, 2010 at 2:35 am

    I kind of still fall into the category of what you first were, the anti-fem or the Christina-fem. But then again, I don't really like people anyway. I may be a completely different species altogether.

  • Reply lauren September 10, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    holy shit i needed to read this.

  • Reply Barloga September 10, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    hahah i grew up with nothing but girls (dogs too) so ive always had more girls that i could relate to than dudes

    but c'mon – ill kiss your ass only as much as you kiss mine …

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