The Differences Between You and I

It is while giving her boss a blow job that Lola Milstein realizes it’s time to get out of LA.

At this exact second, somewhere in Austin, TX, Kevin Horowitz wakes from the best dream he’s ever had.

These corresponding moments are not incidental, for Lola and Kevin share a connection deeper than the one they already know exists. An intricate web of a million moments striving for a great point.

Like a zombie smelling blood, Lola sits up, coldly pries her lips from her boss’ near ready to unload dick and starts walking towards her desk.

Three years of being this asshole’s assistant. Three years of picking up his dry cleaning, his coffee, his girlfriend’s birth control pills, his Viagra. Three years of having her job held over her head for an end all goal she could not see.

Three years of no longer knowing who she was.

The adrenaline running through her system completely overshadows the reality that only $300 exists in her bank account and that she, in fact, has no idea what she will do for a job.

“What the fuck, Lola!?” She hears in a sharp whimper as her boss tries salvaging what is left of his orgasm.

Without looking back, Lola grabs her purse and P-Touch label maker off her desk, labels her computer screen, “I quit”, and walks straight out the door.


For reasons unbeknown to him at the time, Kevin is not surprised to get that phone call from Lola at 2AM on March 20th.

“Did I wake you?”

“No, actually I just woke up right before you called. What’s up? Everything ok?”

A steady stream of giggling on the other line.

“Lola, are you drunk?”


“Oh God, you didn’t break into Bill Cosby’s house like you said you would, did you?”

“I quit my job!”

“You what?”

“I did it! I quit my job. I think I’m going to move to Austin!”

“Whoa, whoa. Slow down there, partner. You’ve said that about four times this year alone.”

“I’m not kidding. Jason’s girlfriend wants to move in. She can take over my rent. I’m coming to Austin. I’m done. I’m so done with this business, Kevin…. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

More laughing. Then crying. Then a bunch of puking.


Kevin is not unaccustomed to these sort of phone calls. They had been occurring with frequent acceleration and fervor as of late.


He typically waits as Lola gets the fit out of her system. However, this one is going a lot longer than anticipated.


“Everybody loves you, Lola. Hush now. “Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes…”

The crying stops.

“Are you singing Billy Joel to me?”

“Yes, I was trying to get you to shut up.”

“Do you know what that song is about?! It’s about how people die, but lullabies live forever. It’s about a father who loves his daughter so much that he created this song for her to show that their love will never die.”

Then the crying starts again. This times it’s a guttural, heaving sort of moan and Kevin realizes it’s going to be a long night.


It’s 4AM before Lola falls asleep in mid-recitation of Norma Desmond’s curtain call and Kevin can not go back to sleep.

Could she finally be moving to Austin? Could he, Kevin Horowitz; musician, video store clerk, 5’8″ scrappy half-Jew from Cincinnati, finally tell her, Lola Milstein; writer, former personal assistant, 5’9″ neurotic full-Jew from the San Fernando Valley, that it is she who prevents him from loving anyone else? That ever since that day in college he’s been doomed to a lifetime of vapid relationships all unwittingly manipulated by the ventriloquist hands of Lola?

Nah. Maybe he’ll just write another song about it.


Lola recorded fifteen mixed CDs for her drive across route 10 from California to Texas. Such an epic move deserves no less and she made sure to musically prepare for each mood, each state, and each flea bag motel she would be experiencing. As she watches the skyline of Los Angeles get smaller and smaller in her rear view mirror and the tears make it more difficult to see, she decides that the CD titled, How to Disappear Completely, is best suited for her exit.

She puts on her Wayfarers and mourns the Los Angeles she never experienced.

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  • Reply KeLLy aNN August 24, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Wayfarers make anything, any moment, classically CooL.

  • Reply One Blonde Girl August 24, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    I really like this. What a great, liberating moment. (please don't let my lack of exclamation points mislead you, I really do like this, but my ex. pt. key is broken)

  • Reply Jessica August 24, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    I really, really enjoyed this. Just lovely.

  • Reply Sophie Neutron August 24, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    Great story…legendary sunglasses!

    @One Blonde Girl – The next time you NEED an exclamation point try, Alt.33

  • Reply Emily August 24, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Lauren you have such talent, well done, this was excellent. I also like the fact that you draw on some of your personal experiences here such as your move to Austin. They always say write about what you know. x

  • Reply DavidRayDog August 24, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Wow! That is incredible.
    Safe travels Lola.

  • Reply Adria August 24, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    Oh man, its moments like this that I wonder why I'm about to drive 3000 miles to move TO LA. I do have a great playlist brewing and a few pairs of wayfarers, so I guess I'll be fine…

  • Reply bard August 24, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Excellent writing! Great story.

  • Reply Kate August 24, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    This is fabulous. I absolutely love it. It makes me want to be spontaneous. And in love. And loved. And spontaneous.

    Kate x

  • Reply Randall August 24, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    Oh… this is just… this is just great. Outstanding, lovely work.

    It's one of those pieces where, and I know this is said a lot, but you "had me from hello." First line, I was right there with you.

  • Reply Hipstercrite August 25, 2010 at 12:48 am

    @Kelly Ann- It is very very true. Just ask Bret Easton Ellis.

    @One Blonde Girl- Hahahaha! I believe you because I know you can relate!

    @Jessica- Thank you!!!

    @Sophie- I think it's time that I buy a new pair. Mine are too big for my head…and that means they're big!!!

    @Emily- Thank you very much, Emily. Unfortunately, I can only write what I know, however, half of the story is fictional.

    @David- She makes it to Austin and though she still hasn't figured it all out, she's a lot closer.

    @Adria- It's one of the greatest decisions you'll ever make- for better and worse. You'll love it and maybe hate, but it's all worth it!

    @Bard- Thank you!!!

    @Kate- So do I. I think that's why I write about it. 🙁

    @Randall- Thanks for your constant support. It means a lot!!!

  • Reply TabithaVenasse August 27, 2010 at 5:33 am

    Very well written 🙂

    Thou art terribly talented my dear 🙂

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