The World Is A Better Place Because of Crispin Glover…Or Is It?

I think I’m going to come up with a new phrase.

It’s called “Crispiny”.

When a friend of yours is doing something really fucking weird, let’s say, like, mowing their lawn in asymmetrical patterns at nighttime with no pants on, or eating candy that they found on a bus seat right after a lady of the night got up from said seat and tries to explain to you that they, “wanted to get a better idea of what street walkers feel and think”, or standing on the street corner shouting The Carpenters lyrics very angry-like, you can say, “Dude, you’re acting super Crispiny right now.”

And what does “Crispiny” reference?

Well, I’m sure I don’t have to explain considering there is only one cultural icon with the name Crispin.

Actually, it looks like there was a St. Crispin in the 3rd Century, but unless he ran around with a severe hair part and collected medical equipment, I think you know who I’m talking about.

Crispin Hellion Glover.

It’s hard to imagine that Crispin Glover has been acting for for almost 30 years.
The man’s face hasn’t changed AT ALL within that time.



The fact that he has not aged (and directs Shakespearean interpretations performed by people with Down Syndrome, dresses like a Nazi at Halloween parties, and dates women with more plastic in their bodies than a recycling plant), only lends to his creepiness factor.

Just ask my friend, *Gene Snozberry (Not his real name):

Me: What are your thoughts on Crispin Glover, Gene?

Gene: We had an intern at work a little while back who SOUNDED just like him. He had that like super slow delivery? Almost like a chronic stutterer whom has reformed his speech JUST enough to keep from doubling back on his syllables, but not enough to speak fluidly with any confidence. It’s just this creepy drawl that keeps you hanging on his every word while backing slowly toward the exit…I was sort of afraid to be alone with that intern. That’s the thing about Crispin Glover, he IS alienation. Has he ever played a character that didn’t beam out creepy outsider in every direction? God, I love when creepy weirdos are well represented in cinema. It gives girls a point of reference when they encounter one of us in the wild. And for that, I salute you, Crispin Glover. Plus…he kind of made it okay to smell women’s hair when they’re not looking.

And then we got into a discussion on whether or not Gene smells women’s hair and he said “no” and I said I don’t either, but I did have a boyfriend who would take my shoe off in the middle of dinner at a restaurant and smell it and we decided that was really freaking strange. “Crispiny”, if I may.

So why is a man who makes one feel like they’ve put cockroaches on their anus loved by legions of females and subsequently males who feel better about themselves knowing that legions of females love a man like Crispin Glover?

I really don’t have an answer for that other than that he’s fucking weird and we must all be really perverted. Read my story about meeting Crispin here.

Oh, and he’s actually a pretty good actor…AND I WILL ARGUE WITH ANYONE TO THE DEATH ON THIS.

What is your favorite Crispin Glover performance?

Yes, I saw Ben at the movie theater three times and I loved it.

I’m making my lunch!
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  • Reply IT July 1, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    "I'm making my lunch!"

    Classic! I gotta see more flicks

  • Reply Tara Rose Stromberg July 1, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    I am so glad that you devoted another post to this man (especially after the recent Goldblum experience, another honorable mention)! I never understood why the creepy ones were always so much more enticing…. ould it just be the mystery perhaps?

    I talk to Crispin about Facebook and shook his hand after a screening of his film, "Everything is Fine." We listened to him talk in his rambling way for about 2.5 hours, which was awesome.

    However, the poor guys was tired as hell and raspy; I wanted to give him some chicken soup and put him to bed. He's not immortal you know, even though it appears that he is as he never ages. He must be incredibly intelligent, but I think he retreats into weirdness to avoid the craziness of society.

    He has definitely infiltrated my surrealistic dreams lately…

  • Reply VegKat July 1, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    I've started becoming obsessed with bizzare people. There is something so… unpredictable about them, and that's sexy as HELL. Crispin was the first person to make me feel aroused and uncomfortable at the same time, and I'm just now starting to embrace it.

    • Reply 99 pounds of dynamite October 10, 2014 at 6:45 am

      actually, he’s not crazy! A lot of people think he is but he’s really normal! Uh and to let a cool cat like you know, Crispin never asked for more money then Michael j Fox, that was just a lie made up by the douchebag Bob Gale! Cause Gale is trying to throw the track off of what they did in the second one, by taking his old face molds and using tiny amounts of footage wasn’t illegal when it was! They played identity theft with him and well they got sued and now there’s rules in the screen actors guild that this kind of thing can never happen again! I’m proud of him for doing this call me nuts sure, but what kind of idiot producer would think they could get away with that? Oh, and happy halloween by the way! I consider you cool!

  • Reply the default attorney July 1, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    I saw him in Alice in Wonderland recently, and thought to myself, "holy crap, it's Crispin Glover!" It was like seeing an old friend who knew me when I was the real-life equivalent of McFly Sr.

    Maybe my own equivalent. I went to a screening of Harold and Maude at the Castro theatre a good while ago, and it was followed by a Q&A session with Bud Cort. Who has changed with age, but is equally bizarre. He was a treat to listen to. Quite an accomplished thespian it turns out.

  • Reply steff July 1, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    i love him. he's sexy and weird and possibly dangerous. he probably collects owl droppings and then dissects them so he can make jewelry for his plastic girlfriends with his findings.
    makes me wanna get a boob job.
    or at least some botox…

  • Reply McGriddle Pants July 1, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    I know its cheesey, but I still love Back to the Future.


    Maybe because he's the LEAST creepy in that one? Hmmmm.

    • Reply 99 pounds of dynamite October 10, 2014 at 6:47 am

      Your a idiot!

  • Reply thereitis July 2, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Also loving Crispin. Why oh why are we so attracted to the "odd" ones. He reminds me a small bit of my son though too. I wonder if he would qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis? Some of the greatest minds do 🙂

  • Reply TabithaVenasse July 2, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    I absolutely loved him in Alice… and pretty much everything else I've seen him in. He's so creepy and awkward that he's absolutely brilliant.

    • Reply 99 pounds of dynamite October 10, 2014 at 6:50 am

      There’s nothing wrong with him he’s perfectly normal! He’s not psychotic or insane! So what if he’s weird? God I’m sick of people making such a big deal about this, so he doesn’t fit into the cookie cutter mild of society, so what? I do t fit in either! We’re proud to be different and not fit in!

  • Reply Lauramc July 9, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    I love Crispin.
    Also, I saw this and thought of you.
    Crispin Glover as Thomas Edison


  • Reply 99 pounds of dynamite October 10, 2014 at 6:52 am

    Crispin Glover is awesome and a amazing actor, God I wish I could meet him and kick the haters asses!

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