A One Woman Austin Tourism Bureau

An Austin friend, who just drove to California for a getaway, texted me last night to say she is in now love with LA and wants to move there.
Then I threw my phone against the wall.
Having lived in Los Angeles for five years, I understand the allure behind it. Hell, I’m still in love with the city (in a f’ed up Sid & Nancy kind of way), but after hearing horror stories of high unemployment rates, high cost of living, lack of financial aid, lack of unemployment aid, non refund of tax returns, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to live there right now. California is a beautiful state that has been run into the ground.
California, one day I may return to you, but get some help. You’re looking sloppy.
Why Austin is way better than your city:
1.) Unemployment rate is 6.6% vs. National Average 10.0% (latest stat from BLS Dec 2009)
2.) We have vigils for injured homeless celebrities (who wear leopard print thongs and run for city mayor)

3. ) There is no state income tax (I bring home the same amount of dough after taxes as I did in LA working at a substantially higher paying job)
4.) We save our bees- When faced with a growing bee infestation, popular local coffee shop, Jo’s, decided to donate the bees to whomever would take them vs. killing them.
5.) Travis County voted for Obama.
6.) We have record setting Thriller dances in the street (f you Mexico City! it’s not fair that you beat us! you have like ten gazillion more people than we do!) AND we have Michael Jackson dance parties about once a week.
7.) We play in spring holes. David Byrne approved!
8.) Our most popular shops are independently owned.
9.) You can have your toes licked any night of the week by blind keyboardist/foot fetish extraordinaire TJ from Foot Patrol.

10.) We all act like a bunch of pretentious NYU film school students (Alamo Drafthouse, I Luv Video, Vulcan Video)…and you know you love it.
11.) We take our clothing to fancy bars, trade them with people, drink, and go home looking fabulous.
12.) Homeless people will have tea parties with blow up dinosaurs on the railroad tracks.
13.) Popular local pizza shop, Homeslice, will give you a free year of pizza if you hold your hand on an sub for 25+ hours.

14.) Austin musicians are eligible for health insurance.
15.) We have national karaoke competitions and no, we are not dorks. NO, WE’RE NOT!
16.) People don’t judge you on what you do, where you come from, or what you look like. The people of Austin encourage each other’s differences and support and celebrate individual talents.
With all this being said, don’t move here.
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  • Reply MyFrogs February 12, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    Lived all over Tx and Austin is my favorite city in the ENTIRE state of TX!

  • Reply The Mad Dame February 12, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    Wait! You can't tempt me with all those wonderful things and then tell I can't move there.

  • Reply KeLLy aNN February 12, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    lol, I feel the same way about louisiana…

  • Reply Darling Nikki February 12, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    as your neighbor (over here in san antonio), i completely agree. austin was actually my 1st choice when we moved to TX from FL, but the hubby found a job here first. I am in Austin at least once or twice a month. it's my 2nd home.

  • Reply Hipstercrite February 12, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    @MyFrogs- I still want to travel to Houston or Dallas just to see what they are like, but everyone says Austin is the best.

    @The Mad Dame- You can come!

    @Kelly Ann- I still need to check out Louisiana…

    @Darling Nikki- San Antonio is cool too! It's great that the two cities are so close!

  • Reply IT February 12, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Please don't use L.A. and California in the same sentence. Regardless of geography, they are NOT interchangeable.

    Yes, California is screwed up and needs fixing. The first best step would be if the rest of the state… even San Francisco… could disassociate from L.A.

    BTW – Austin rocks

  • Reply maybecupcakes February 12, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    I grew up in West Los Angeles, and I have to agree with you, it's not a place to move to right now. It makes me sad to say that for the reasons you pointed out- high cost of living, lack of financial aid, unemployment, bankruptcy, etc. California has some serious problems that need to be fixed. That said, I hope California gets its act together because I definitely plan to move back one day- the weather, the beaches, the chill attitude, the healthy lifestyle focus, the sheer variety of things to do- it all draws me back in every time I visit friends and family.

  • Reply Willy February 12, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    sounds fantastic

  • Reply Cassie February 12, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    when can i move in with you? jk. seriously though, when?

  • Reply Seth February 12, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    love the last line. remember, austin was even cooler right before you got here.

  • Reply garrettlawson February 12, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    so the other day some too cool for school LA fashionista designer tweeted the following

    @jacvanek: Imagine…a world without Texas. My kind of world.

    i replied with

    awful thought. #hater RT @jacvanek: Imagine…a world without Texas. My kind of world.

    i am now replying with your blog.

    well done lady. pretentious ignorance is annoying.

  • Reply Angie February 12, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    Well I'm officially jealous.. karaoke, MJ dances, you've got it all!

  • Reply KeLLy aNN February 12, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Whuuuut? Are you telling me you haven't been to New Orleans? or The Myrtles? or Lafff ay ette? lol
    Cmon on Over!

  • Reply who is the eternal worrier? February 12, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    We had just packed our bags…

  • Reply Hipstercrite February 12, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    @IT- Yes, you are very right. I shouldn't connect the two.

    @Maybecupcakes-Nothing beats CA weather. I do miss the ocean terribly.

    @Willy- It sure is!

    @Cassie- Come on down!

    @Seth- Yeah, I've heard that Austin was super cool before too.

    @GarrettLawson- Wow, what is it with people? Glad you said something to her.

    @Angie- Hey, Canada ain't too shabby!

    @Kelly Ann- I know! Soon though! You guys aren't that far away! I'm excited to visit!

    @Eternal Worrier- to where??

  • Reply Ericka Clay February 13, 2010 at 2:21 am

    and this is why i live in texas. i will get to austin permanently one day. promise.

  • Reply Christopher February 13, 2010 at 2:25 am

    I don't think I could ever give up Chicago in the summertime. It's just too much fun. Austin in the winter though…

  • Reply Marcos February 13, 2010 at 6:17 am

    A lot of your gripes about LA are also true for Portland OR (a place I still love), which was one of the reasons I moved back to TX. Haven't made it to ATX yet, but San Marcos is close enough for now.

  • Reply -Your Friendly Neighborhood Dentonista February 14, 2010 at 12:20 am

    Hipstercrite, this sounds A LOT like Denton, TX, without easy access to an international airport, a metroplex, or a diverse jobs market (we've got more than Dell and The State going on jobs-wise.) Oh, and our infrastructurs isn't totally taxed. Come vist Denton and the surrounding areas. We're smaller, but we're SO cool. I LOVE us.
    -Your Friendly Neighborhood Dentonista.

  • Reply Pizza Girl February 14, 2010 at 2:57 am

    Forget Dallas, check out Ft Worth. You'll like it (but not as much as Austin).

  • Reply T!nK February 14, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    soundss like fun! I MAY have to check it out one day soon!

  • Reply cjschlottman February 14, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    No doubt! My first trip alone will be to Austin Can't start my nursing re-entry program for a few weeks, so it may be in the summer. If I a tolerate the furnace-like summers of Macon, I can deal with Austin. I so look forward to you posts. Maybe some of your Power and lack of bullshit is rubbing off on me through cyberspace!

  • Reply Athena February 14, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    Dear Hipstercrite,

    I live in Austin, and I couldn't help but grin while reading this post. Way to rep!

  • Reply elle michelle February 15, 2010 at 4:05 am

    SHUT UP, no state income tax??

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