An Austin friend, who just drove to California for a getaway, texted me last night to say she is in now love with LA and wants to move there.
Then I threw my phone against the wall.
Having lived in Los Angeles for five years, I understand the allure behind it. Hell, I’m still in love with the city (in a f’ed up Sid & Nancy kind of way), but after hearing horror stories of high unemployment rates, high cost of living, lack of financial aid, lack of unemployment aid, non refund of tax returns, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to live there right now. California is a beautiful state that has been run into the ground.
California, one day I may return to you, but get some help. You’re looking sloppy.
Why Austin is way better than your city:
1.) Unemployment rate is 6.6% vs. National Average 10.0% (latest stat from BLS Dec 2009)
2.) We have vigils for injured homeless celebrities (who wear leopard print thongs and run for city mayor)
3. ) There is no state income tax (I bring home the same amount of dough after taxes as I did in LA working at a substantially higher paying job)
4.) We save our bees- When faced with a growing bee infestation, popular local coffee shop, Jo’s, decided to donate the bees to whomever would take them vs. killing them.
5.) Travis County voted for Obama.
6.) We have record setting Thriller dances in the street (f you Mexico City! it’s not fair that you beat us! you have like ten gazillion more people than we do!) AND we have Michael Jackson dance parties about once a week.
8.) Our most popular shops are independently owned.
9.) You can have your toes licked any night of the week by blind keyboardist/foot fetish extraordinaire TJ from Foot Patrol.
10.) We all act like a bunch of pretentious NYU film school students (Alamo Drafthouse, I Luv Video, Vulcan Video)…and you know you love it.
11.) We take our clothing to fancy bars, trade them with people, drink, and go home looking fabulous.
12.) Homeless people will have tea parties with blow up dinosaurs on the railroad tracks.
13.) Popular local pizza shop, Homeslice, will give you a free year of pizza if you hold your hand on an sub for 25+ hours.
14.) Austin musicians are eligible for health insurance.
15.) We have national karaoke competitions and no, we are not dorks. NO, WE’RE NOT!
16.) People don’t judge you on what you do, where you come from, or what you look like. The people of Austin encourage each other’s differences and support and celebrate individual talents.
With all this being said, don’t move here.