Tonya Harding’s Jeans Are the Best Aphrodisiac

I discovered via one of my favorite websites, Buzzfeed, that ex figure-skater/Queen of the Mom Jean Tonya Harding has a website.

It’s just not any ol’ website.

Ms. Harding shares with us beautiful photos center-piecing full denim ensembles, passive-agressive comments like, “Tonya Harding is an intelligent, caring and very sensitive person. Even though she will deny it to some of her friends, ugly remarks hurt her feelings”, and erotic fan fiction.


Just when *you thought you didn’t have an outlet for your fantasies involving circa 1990 sequined leotards and crimped hair, you find out about Tonya Harding Fantasies.

Tonya Harding Fantasies isn’t new. In fact, there are over 1587 stories from various shut-ins, illiterates, sexually frustrated middle-aged shoe salesman, and 26 year-old female bloggers from Austin.

Here are some snippets of my favorite Tonya Harding fanstasies….

Here is one of my Tonya Harding fantasies that I’ve been working on for awhile:

Ur high waisted stone washed jeans r so sexy. I just want to put them on and pretend that I am Kelly Kapowski. I will figure skate around in ur jeans and the judges will give me 99.99 for the most awesome camel toe they have ever seen. When I’m done skating, I will fall into a bed of scrunchies and make sweet love to a man w/ a mustache. Please don’t join us. My Tonya Harding fantasy has nothing to do with u. In fact, I don’t even want u watching. Just give me the jeans, scrunchies, and Jeff Gillooly. U just keep standing next to that tree.


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  • Reply Hannah Miet December 15, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Sometimes you are so funny that my stomach inverts into itself because I'm laughing but I haven't eaten yet and I think things like "I hate you, Lauren! I want to bang Kelly Kapowski!"

    And then I die.

  • Reply Hipstercrite December 15, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    hannah- you're a good part of the reason why i keep writing. thank you.

  • Reply Jill December 15, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    LOL ohmigosh those photos and jeans are horrendous! Who poses by a tree in mom jeans? It should be against the law.

  • Reply Hannah Miet December 15, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Ok, before the legions come marching in…once more, for the record,


  • Reply Sassy December 15, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    This is so many kinds of fantastic.

  • Reply That Chelsea Girl™ December 15, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    Grrross! Definitely not a fan of hers.

  • Reply inflammatory writ December 15, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    This is one of the most hilarious things I've read on the internet. That is saying a lot.

  • Reply thatgalkiki December 15, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    What did we DO before cyberspace? I LOVE this. Thank you, Twitter.



  • Reply L.L. December 15, 2009 at 6:29 pm

    I loved this entry – but mostly just wanted to swing by and tell yo congrats for being a blog of note! Awesome!

  • Reply Millions Of Atoms Man December 15, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    I'm not going to her website. Ever. But confirm my hunch that 95 percent of the "Tonya Harding Fantasy Series" involves lead pipes and Nancy Kerrigan. I know I'm right, I just need independent verification.

    Oh, and congratulations on Blog of Note also…

  • Reply Iva December 15, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    haha! hilarious!! LOL

  • Reply Mrs. M. December 15, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    ca-ca-ca-camel toe.

  • Reply ALittleGuitar December 15, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    i knew tonya was my kinda gal when she referred to her cigarettes as 'my vitamins.'

  • Reply Hipstercrite December 15, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    Jill- Funny thing is, that picture was taken in '99, not '89!

    Inflammatory Writ- Thanks for stopping by and your message. It made my day 😀

    Thatgalkiki- Isn't Twitter amazing!?

    L.L. + Millions of Atoms Man + Ivy- thanks!!!

  • Reply Gadget and Technology December 16, 2009 at 12:14 am

    oo .. you are very beautiful

  • Reply Ana Renault December 16, 2009 at 1:02 am

    hey, ijust wanted to say that brazilians reads your blog too! since I discovered it,i really enjoy to read it! You are SOOO funny!
    And, for god sake, where did you find that woman?!? =O
    godd luck for her. And, please, don't stop writting.
    "Um blog digno de se ler. Inacreditável"

  • Reply James Deagle December 16, 2009 at 1:04 am

    "Tonya Harding's Jeans Are the Best Aphrodisiac"

    There's a sentence (and a notion) that my brain wasn't expecting to process when I got up this morning…lol.

  • Reply becky December 16, 2009 at 1:20 am

    hahah Hilarious I agree.Dont cha just love those jeans hahah.Oh the hair too lolllllll.

  • Reply Auto Blogger December 16, 2009 at 1:57 am

    It was very nice to read this post….. Great :)

  • Reply Harvey K December 16, 2009 at 3:02 am

    Finally a place for all my Tonya Harding erotic fan fiction.

    Hilarious website btw. Congrats on being a blog of note.

  • Reply Online Deal Shopper December 16, 2009 at 3:30 am

    your well funny :-) love what you do

  • Reply denysmaco0l December 16, 2009 at 4:09 am

    nice post!!!
    please visit me back…


  • Reply Eva O'Dell December 16, 2009 at 5:52 am

    HaHaHa. She totally creeps me out!

  • Reply ahsan hussain December 16, 2009 at 6:16 am

    nise blog

  • Reply The villager: December 16, 2009 at 9:08 am

    I'm seeing Tonya Harding in a whole new light !

  • Reply A Good Moroccan December 16, 2009 at 9:09 am

    Great blog ! Well done.

  • Reply blessingsgoddess December 16, 2009 at 9:14 am

    I can't get Tonya out of my head now…..

  • Reply LaptopTraveller December 16, 2009 at 9:50 am

    so funny. =)

  • Reply king jersn December 16, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    ugg boots 50 usd
    air jordan shoes 35usd


  • Reply ARTISANNE December 16, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    This is funny! :0)

  • Reply Lola Lakely December 16, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    I agree with the guy who wrote in Chinese. His viewpoint was both philosophically and morally aligned with mine.

    I found you through blogs of note and realized that you are awesome. You had me at Kelly Kapowski but I have to admit I will stuck around to see more pictures of Tonya hiding coquetishly behind a tree.

  • Reply Moni December 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    Don,t cha just love me

  • Reply joehebden December 16, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    Well done on blogs of note !

  • Reply Kate December 16, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    Who is Tonya Harding? I've never heard of her.

  • Reply Kimberly Nestler December 16, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    I suppose most have commited this fashion faux paux, I remember my mom making me where a pair at 8, along with a long jean skirt and flannels that made me look like I was part of the Four Non-Blondes. All hail the early 90s! NOT.

  • Reply Heather December 17, 2009 at 2:19 am

    No acid washed jeans should be complete without a camel toe. Love this!!!

  • Reply lostupire December 17, 2009 at 3:07 am

    LOL. I just found your blog and I must admit, we have a lot of the same opinions, only you are ALOT funnier than me.

    Definitely going to read some more later.

  • Reply Ari R. December 17, 2009 at 3:51 am

    I just found you blog today, and I'm glad I did. Why should I bother doing my physics homework when I can be reading Tonya Harding Fantasies?

    You're blog is fantastic and you've made the world a better (or at least more tolerable)place. Thank you and have a lovely day.

  • Reply Gillian December 17, 2009 at 5:46 am

    Congratulations on your blogs of note.

    Hi from a Scots lass living in South Africa.

    Love your blog…

  • Reply Zaharia February 1, 2010 at 6:34 am

    nice…or how the french say crestere

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  • Reply Anonymous January 20, 2011 at 2:00 am


    Thanks for sharing the link – but unfortunately it seems to be not working? Does anybody here at hipstercrite.blogspot.com have a mirror or another source?


  • Reply M July 26, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    “I will figure skate around in ur jeans and the judges will give me 99.99 for the most awesome camel toe they have ever seen.”

    But cameltoe is frickin’ hawt! 100.1!

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