Whole Foods is Like a Beautiful, Emotionally Abusive Lover I Can’t Break Free From

I hate you Whole Foods!
But you’re all I think about at night.
I dream if I will see you the next day.
Or the day after that.
And I wonder if you’ll ever let me go.
Or if I will have to muster up the courage
To stop going to your salad bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to walk by
Your marinated mushrooms
And not stick my face
In the vinegary coolness?
Do you?
Can you possibly know what it feels like
To see others picking the best of you?
Scooping up the uncoagulated tuna salad
Before I even lay a finger on you?
Oh, Whole Foods
It hurts me when I take such little from you
But my receipt says I’ve taken so much.
Whole Foods,
I’m tired of spending on you.
I’m tired of being a slave to your Vegan Potato Salad.
Please just let me go,
Because as I sit here
Cradling my recycled cardboard to-go container
With the words “Whole Foods” printed on the lid
I realize I will not find the strength
To do it myself.

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1 Comment

  • Reply Colin December 16, 2009 at 12:52 am

    There just aren't enough odes to chains, you know?

    Thanks for writing a good one.

    A long time ago.

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